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March 25, 2011

A Fridge Full Of Cake

I would die of happiness if I opened my fridge to find this.

Hipster Dragon Tamer

Hipsters are everywhere these days. Usually I roll my eyes and groan, but this made me smile.

Justin Bieber As Interpreted By A Bad Lip Reader

By the people who brought you 'Friday' As Interpreted By A Bad Lip Reader. Justin Bieber and Rascal Flatts' "That Should Be Me", the way it should be.

Definition of HDML

HDML stands for Herp-Derp Markup Language. Broken or incorrectly implemented HTML that ends up being displayed as garbled text on the page. Geektastic. Via Urban Dictionary.

"Black Swan" Double Claims Credit For Portman's Performance

Flashdance scandal for the 21st century?

Thor Meets Rebecca Black

It had to be done. I'm so sorry. Happy Friday!

What Is Something You Wish You Had?

Batman has the same wish. Meaning he would like a yacht.

50 Tumblr Dashboard Coincidences

Every now and then two completely different Tumblr posts come together to form something truly special: a Tumblr coincidence. It's the closest thing you'll find to a miracle on Tumblr. Enjoy.

Spider Trees On The Rise

Excuse me while I go scream forever.

Cupcake Cupcake Topper

Mmm, cupcake inception.

40 Photos Of Baby Giraffes

Since tiny giraffes are all the rage thanks to those DirecTV ads, here are a bunch of real life mini-raffes. Giraffes are weird and beautiful creatures. Kind of lIke elongated goats.

Chloe Sevigny's Thoughts on Spring

"She" loves it, is overwhelmed by it. Chloe loves quail egg salad, spring cleaning ladies, the undefinable silhouettes of Rodarte, the delicate whispers of the horsefly, and oh, so much more.

Anniversary Gifts By Year

This list has been confirmed by my husband.

Elizabeth Taylor Putting On Makeup Like A Boss

From the obscure 1974 film "The Driver's Seat," in which she plays an insane spinster with a death wish, here's Elizabeth Taylor very intensely applying makeup. Plus a bonus scene from the same movie where she flips out about stain resistant fabric and takes off her top. Both clips demonstrate why she is an icon. Rest in peace.

Great Find On Antiques Roadshow

"And how much did you pay for this interesting sculpture?" "Actually, someone paid me to take it!"

Teen Mom Star In Crazy Front Yard Brawl

Everything that is wrong with America in one video. God help us all.

I'd Rather Be A Parisian Dog

Gold doggie bowl, handmade boudoir? I'll never call my dog "spoiled" again!

Classic Arcade Game Deaths

This is so fucking poignant somehow.

Your Internet Fame, Summed Up In A Shirt

This is the kind of shirt you wear to SXSW Interactive with the sheer intention to get LAID.

Migratory Patterns Of Fresh Princes

Like the magnificent Swallows of Capistrano, the wild Princes of Fresh make a preternatural journey across thousands of miles. Boy are Will Smith's arms tired. Rimshot followed by groans.

The Ultimate Party Hat

She's either the life of the party, or she's scared everyone away by looking like she's eating her own brains.

Hey! Listen! (Navi's Song)

Hey, Listen! Hey! Hey! Listen! Hey!

The 24 Best Notes From Message With A Bottle

Babies are demanding balls of cuteness and need. Luckily, the stay-at-home-dad behind Message With A Bottle has a sense of humor about the absurdity of raising a tiny human.

Retro Handheld Electronic Games

Thanks to Pica Pic, you can now play these nostalgic LCD videogames from the '80s online.

Best Of Dating Site Murderer

This week the internets created the best serial killer meme yet: Dating Site Murderer. He'll kill you with his kindness.

20 X-Rated Stuffed Animals

These stuffed animals are a parent’s worst nightmare. Even if you are all for letting your kids express themselves with strange toys, just make sure you take them off the bed before you give your guests a tour of the house.

Obligatory Friday 'Friday' Remix

Now with more Pedobear. Rebecca Black gets memed.

Lady Gaga Releases A Country Version Of "Born This Way"

I don't really know how to feel about this.

Alyse Lahti Johnston: Tiger Woods' New Girlfriend Should Brace for Media Storm

I am sure she weighed the pros and cons before heading into this thing. There is no way she is not prepared for what is in store. Right?

TUnE-yArDs’ Colorful And Bizarre New Video

“Bizness,” the first single from tUnE-yArDs’ whokill, now has an excellent, colorful video. Impressive choreography and bizarre facial expressions make a pretty awesome combo. Via Stereogum.

Baby Unicorn

Holy crap.

Ohio Woman Turns 119

The family of an Ohio woman who turned 119 said Guinness World Records will not recognize her age because they don't have a birth certificate.

An Uneasy Nation Rests as Jason Schwartzman Joins Wes Anderson's Next Film

Schwartzman has officially signed on, and with a 1960s setting guaranteeing at least one Kinks song, and a subplot that involves Bill Murray playing a cuckolded sad clown, nearly all of the elements for a Wes Anderson film are now in place.

The Least Deserving WWE Hall of Famers

We long for the days when wrestlers brought pets to the ring with them, but letting a giant macaw crap on your shoulder does not a Hall of Famer make.

Dame Elizabeth Taylor through the Years - 1934

Born February 27, 1932 in Hampstead, London, Taylor is the second child of parents Francis Lenn and Sara Viola. A dual citizen of the UK and the United States, she made her acting debut in 1942's There's One Born Every Minute.

The Sexy Ladies of Sucker Punch

‘You will be Unprepared’ for all the hotness packed into Sucker Punch when it hits screens Friday in wide release.

Go for a Run--and Raise Money for Japan

If you’re a runner, you can raise money to help with disaster relief efforts in Japan--by going for a jog once a day for the next 30 days. (And hey, you were probably going to do that anyway, right?)

Hooking up: 5 Guys Confess Their Most Surprising Sex Secrets

When I’m having, wait, I can’t. I definitely have sexual preferences and peccadilloes, but I can’t confess them on a blog.

'Earl' Star Ethan Suplee -- the MASSIVE Weight Loss Secret

"My Name Is Earl" star Ethan Suplee has dropped more than 200 POUNDS in 11 years -- and yesterday, dude told us, if it weren't for his bicycle ... he never would have lost all the weight.

Melodica Bach

Here's one guy playing 9 individual parts of Bach's Brandenburg Concerto no. 3 on a melodica wind piano, which sounds like the love-child of an accordion and a harmonica.

Russell Brand Talks Doing Drugs, Katy Perry Marriage in Details Magazine

Russell Brand has nothing to hide. It's part of his program, not to mention how he earns his living.

Japan Digs Mass Graves as Earthquake Crisis Continues

UNOSUMAI, Japan (Reuters) - The towering waves that splintered thousands of Japanese homes and lives has forced the country to rethink one of its most sacred Buddhist practices: how it treats the dead.

Cancer Drug Stocks to Trade Ahead of ASCO

If it hasn't started already, the momentum in cancer drug stocks will emerge in the days and weeks leading up to May 18. That's the date this year when ASCO will post research abstracts to its annual meeting on the group's web site.

10 Bank Stocks with Great Expectations

To come up with our list, we isolated the 10 bank and thrift holding companies with average daily trading volume of at least 50 thousand shares and were profitable in 2010 with an operating return on average assets of at least 0.50%.

Chris Brown Mans up on BET: I Apologize for My ‘GMA’ Outburst — See Video!

But Chris said on BET he had a bit of a different take on the whole mess:Â ”I felt like, ‘OK, they told us this just so they can get us on the show so they can exploit me.’ You know, that’s what I thought. I kind of took it very, very hard.

Kia Drayton Hot Pictures

The incredibly sexy Kia Drayton makes her debut appearance on TSJ!

Probation for Man Who Twice Pleaded Guilty to Having Sex with Horse

A South Carolina man who twice pleaded guilty to having sex with a horse has been released from prison and put on probation -- under the condition that he keep his distance from the horse.

Cops: Woman, 92, Shot Man's House When He Wouldn't Kiss Her

Deputies in Florida say 92-year-old Helen Staudinger opened fire on her neighbor's house after the much younger resident refused to give her a kiss.

Thomas Byers Claims to Have Video of Bigfoot in North Carolina

A North Carolina man claims to have captured a video of the elusive creature known as Bigfoot. Is it the real thing or just another gorilla-suited hoaxer?

AOL Axes Slashfood, Its Six-Year-Old Food Blog

Following AOL's $315 million purchase of the Huffington Post and the ensuing layoffs, old-school food blog Slashfood is going to be merged into the HuffPo Food section.

Pretty Much Every NYT Obit Written by Dead People

Everyone is amused by the fact that Elizabeth Taylor outlived Mel Gussow, her Times obituary writer, but this has actually been going on for years now. Still, that doesn't make this any less true.

Rob Kardashian Rushed to Hospital for Emergency Surgery

The 24-year-old reality star is recovering after undergoing an appendectomy. "He will be fine," says mom Kris Jenner.

10 Animals You Won't Believe Are Closely Related

He doesn't just let the terrifying animals live. He also lets the cute animals live so he can be amused by watching the terrifying animals tear the cute ones apart and feast on their remains.

Paris Hilton Hates Black People

Remember that time Paris Hilton was at a club and someone was filming it and she looked into the camera and said, "we're like two niggers." If you don’t watch the video above because that’s it.

Facebook Kicks off 20,000 Underage Users Every Day

Would it surprise you to learn that, according to a Pew study, nearly half of all 12-year-olds in the U.S. use social network sites, even though they don't meet the minimum age requirements? For Facebook, it's a headache they could do without.

'Quantum' Computers Said a Step Closer

DALLAS, March 22 (UPI) -- U.S. researchers have demonstrated another step toward creating a quantum computer, exhibiting a so-called quantum chip at a convention in Dallas.

Chris Brown & Kanye West Interview Outbursts: Who’s to Blame? Interviewee or Interviewer?

Chris Brown stormed out of a Good Morning America interview today when he was asked a tough question about Rihanna.

Zsa Zsa Gabor Hospitalized after Elizabeth Taylor’s Death; Said “I’m Next”?

According to new reports, Elizabeth Taylor's death troubled actress Zsa Zsa Gabor so much that she was hospitalized with high blood pressure.

Rolling Papers: Wiz Kahlifa’s New Album Available Online

The new Wiz Khalifa album Rolling Papers is not set to debut until March 29, but it has already leaked online and Wiz isn't upset about it.

Jaden Smith Not Dead: 12-Year-Old Star Latest Vicitim of Sick Celebrity Death Hoax

Jaden Smith is the latest celebrity to fall victim to an awful celebrity death hoax that has also claimed the lives of Adam Sandler, Owen Wilson, Jeff Goldblum and Pat Sajak.

Reese, Jim and Her Kids: Happy Family!

Witherspoon and her kids with ex-husband Ryan Phillippe, Deacon, 7, and Ava, 11, step out with Toth in Brentwood February 28. "They are extremely happy," Witherspoon's rep told Us about the couple's December engagement.

A Better To-Do List Tattoo

@Spinafex: I didn't get this tattoo for 5 minutes of fame. I got it back in May after thinking about having it done for two years. I actually use it almost every day.

The Cryosauna Freezes Athletes' Bodies

Alberto Salazar, a trainer of highly successful athletes, has been experimenting with new forms of physical therapy to give his clients an extra edge.

Extended 'Captain America: the First Avenger' Trailer Released: Watch It!

Paramount released an extended trailer for Captain America: The First Avenger. Read on and watch the trailer to find out why this super hero movie is so highly anticipated!

Elizabeth Taylor, RIP: a Farewell to the Most Fleshly of All Actresses.

Elizabeth TaylorElizabeth Rosemond Taylor, who died this morning at age 79, was the most fleshly of actresses.

Starting a Business in Retirement: Four Women Who've Figured Out How to Make Money Working at Their Retirement Community.

When you move to a place called Leisure World, it's almost as if there is a mandate to relax, take up a hobby, putter around the golf course, or try your hand at shuffleboard.

Who's the Mystery Man Ashley Greene Is Holding Hands with?

Holding hands has certainly become more commonplace among friends lately. For Ashley Greene however, who’s just a week separated from her public split from Joe Jonas, a post-club hand-holding bout is sure to bring some attention.

Meet the Ladies of Sucker Punch

Young Hollywood starlets Emily Browning, Abbie Cornish, Jena Malone, Vanessa Hudgens and Jamie Chung team up in the hopes of Sucker Punch-ing their box office competition this weekend. The action-packed fantasy film Sucker Punch is set in the 1950s.

Facebook Rolls Out 'Social Ads,' but Here's How to Opt-Out

Facebook has begun rolling out its controversial 'Social Ads' campaign, which allows companies to use your name and profile picture in advertisements targeted to your friends.

Michael Schur

Michael Schur has enjoyed a fruitful comedy career thus far. He was a writer on Saturday Night Live from 1997 until 2004, when he left to begin work on a project many naysayers were ready to denounce before it began: The American adaptation of The Office.

Mother Gives Her Eight-Year-Old Daughter Botox to “Make Her a Star”

Hard to believe that we were shocked by makeup for eight-year-olds and titillating Vogue Enfants spreads.

How to like Food

Is there a certain food you find disgusting but wish you didn't? Oysters? Martinis? Coffee? Something other people enjoy but that looks and tastes repulsive to you? Well, you, too, can like it by following these eight simple steps.

Another Cute Nail Idea to Steal from Vanessa Hudgens: Girls in the Beauty Department: Beauty:

Here’s a cute “One of these nails is not like the other” manicure idea for you I spotted on Vanessa Hudgens.

Is Hugh Hefner's 24-Year-Old Fiancee Cheating with Dr. Phil's Son?

Hugh Hefner's 24-year-old fiancee, Crystal Harris, might not be ready for monogamous matrimony with her 84-year-old beau after all.

Baby Says "F*ck It" from That Happened!

Teach your babies well and teach them the best swears before anything else.

Jessica Biel Is Banging Gerard Butler

While Justin Timberlake is knee deep in Mila’s Kunis, Jessica Biel is apparently rebounding from their break-up by having casual sex with Gerard Butler who I honestly forgot was still out there.

Evil 'Church' to Protest Elizabeth Taylor's Funeral

Those horrible, intolerant, heartless gay-haters at the Westboro Baptist Church are preparing to spread their evil message at Elizabeth Taylor's funeral ... a higher power tells TMZ.

Cleveland Woman Turns 119

Happy 119th Birthday.

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