"My debit card feels more like a gift card...not sure how much is on this, but we’ll give it a try."
"Toss a church on me."
If you want a new last name, go ahead and pick out some food for children.
There's a reason Jimmy's hashtags always trend worldwide.
"I once watched a line cook drop his phone into a deep fryer and then reach into the boiling oil to get it back."
Ah, to be dumb again.
The pic she got instead was hilarious.
Where do these texts get off!!!
Stop sending dick pics 2k18.
We don't deserve Twitter.
"Told my boyfriend i was going to start my period and he said, "AGAIN??"'
"Can y'all ever just give me a normal answer?" —An actual person on Tumblr, trying to ask a question
He's MY strongest Avenger.
It's okay, me too.
Let us all climb a food mountain.
"Sure my tattoos will look stupid when i get old but have you ever considered that they look stupid now too"
Is your opinion the right opinion?
"I’ve dated a lot of white guys which is surprising cause i’m a history major."
Cakes were definitely harmed in the making of this.
Dads, we don't deserve them.
What...what is this???
"Friend-zoning is no longer a thing it’s all about son-zoning and telling boys they are your tiny infant baby son."
Make the hard decisions.
For the definition of cheap, look no further.
Please, this man can't just walk around in his underwear.
Don't stir my drink with your finger.
"I'd like to solve the puzzle: OH SHIT A GHOST."
"Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it, let's do it, let's eat our young."
A cake that says "You're dead to us" is true friendship.
You have to prove it!
"Adulthood is trying each of the same six passwords that you use for everything."
"Same penis forever."
Did your school have a donkey basketball game?
Making their own damn rules.
We salute you.
Like when Phyllis was dry-humping the air while listening to the 50 Shades of Grey audiobook.
May the best generation win!
Cool for the summer.
Would you rather ride in a boring old elevator or in an uppy room?
Hope you came hungry!
*Silences phone that's already on silent*
You've got many attractive qualities, but which one is the best?
The end of the song has some confusing lyrics that the Boys just cleared up.
"Insane that we don’t have one long weekend each month."
NOW SEND THEM TO THE ISOLATION CABIN!!!!!!!