These just weren't very well thought out.
Grab the popcorn.
Featuring a tomato with an erection.
Guys are always a surprise.
"Retail is hell, but food...now that's hell x 100."
This is an intervention.
THERE'S NO GOING BACK.
"When you scam your way into senior year."
Cardio is hard, y'all.
Never try to lie on the internet.
If you can't break the rules, just bend them. Hard.
Truly masters of the art.
Love this week of tweets.
"I used to think the phrase 'drinking and driving' referred to ALL beverages."
A new outfit for Cinderella.
"I paid $97 to learn that my gecko won't eat anything because he's too horny."
I'm... fading... away...
To have and to withhold?
"My friend named her vibrator Sebastian because, 'darling it’s better, down where it’s wetter.' O.M.G."
"I have cute feet."
I'll take some breadsticks to go.
"Holy shiiiiiiii..." —You, reading these
"Macklemore will hear about this."
It's a rare quality.
Lunch. Definitely lunch.
Party rock is in the retirement home tonight.
"Our scariest president was probably Rushmore, because he had four heads."
This quiz is harder than a diamond in the rough.
"Y'all ever say something in conversation and it physically feels like you just chose the incorrect dialogue option in a visual novel."
Icelandic Cubicle? Good guy.
There's you before kids, and you AFTER kids.
"When Tinker Bell started dying because she didn’t get enough attention...I felt that."
Sugar will reveal the truth.
It's really not ok.
"I don't always panic...but when I do, it's at the disco."
Oh my god...
Hey, they still did better than I would've.
"*Woman throws a drink in my face but I swallow it all perfectly*"
"Shaving my legs to the knee is my fav scam"
Nothing bothers these pups.
Dads. They mean so well.
Put the phone down.
These are too funny.
Abraham Lincoln was a wrestler.
"Hey quick question what the fuck"