Sarah Aspler is a senior editor for BuzzFeed and is based in Toronto.
"I had dinner with Teri Hatcher when we were in our late thirties. I got a hug goodnight. She treated the wait staff really nicely. I could tell about 15 minutes into the date that she wasn’t into me (which I completely understand). I give myself a gold medal for having the guts to ask her out."
"The chicken and the egg are in bed. The chicken rolls over and lights a cigarette, and the egg says, 'Well, I guess that answers *that* question.'"
"My MIL 'disappeared' from the hallway and missed her cue to be escorted to her seat. She magically reappeared after my maid of honor walked, trotting up the aisle like a show pony before me, waving, kissing, and greeting everyone on their side. She probably took five minutes to get to her seat."
"I got a job as a 'fantasy model with long flowing hair' where I modeled for random American fantasy novels. It paid OK-ish, not well. I also signed away my rights like an idiot, so occasionally, I'll see myself at a bookstore riding a horse or casting a spell. I tried to read one of the books, and it started, 'He was not traditionally handsome.' Ouch."
It's not regular math, it's ~girl math~.
"This was about five years ago, but I served Logan and Jake Paul. They were as bad you would expect. They rented out a room for a private event and were super late. The strongest memory I have is how Jake looked annoyed that I asked for his ID. The dude was either 21 or 22 at the time. Maybe he’s just used to everybody knowing who he was. I wasn’t really aware of them before that night."
"Check out my fishy floors. It was either this or thousands of dollars to replace the whole floor because they don't make tile like that anymore. I don't know about you, but like this solution better!"
"Not washing their legs and just letting the water running down clean them. Soap doesn’t automatically get rid of bacteria. The whole reason we wash our hands is because the rubbing creates bubbles which pick up the bacteria, which then get rinsed away by the water. You gotta actually scrub your legs and feet!"
"I do this, too! Also, for big fluffy socks that are not wearable anymore, I cut a thicker piece and use them on my wrists and arms when washing my face at night so water doesn't drip down to my elbows."
"When your 'best friend' of 15 years always acts like they’re the main character and you are only there to support the plot, like an extra in their play. It took some time to realize they needed to make me feel inferior in order for them to feel superior. And when you stop playing the part you are not useful for them anymore."
"This was about five years ago, but I served Logan and Jake Paul. They were as bad you would expect. They rented out a room for a private event and were super late. The strongest memory I have is how Jake looked annoyed that I asked for his ID. The dude was either 21 or 22 at the time. Maybe he’s just used to everybody knowing who he was. I wasn’t really aware of them before that night."
"Check out my fishy floors. It was either this or thousands of dollars to replace the whole floor because they don't make tile like that anymore. I don't know about you, but like this solution better!"
"I had dinner with Teri Hatcher when we were in our late thirties. I got a hug goodnight. She treated the wait staff really nicely. I could tell about 15 minutes into the date that she wasn’t into me (which I completely understand). I give myself a gold medal for having the guts to ask her out."
"Not washing their legs and just letting the water running down clean them. Soap doesn’t automatically get rid of bacteria. The whole reason we wash our hands is because the rubbing creates bubbles which pick up the bacteria, which then get rinsed away by the water. You gotta actually scrub your legs and feet!"
"My MIL 'disappeared' from the hallway and missed her cue to be escorted to her seat. She magically reappeared after my maid of honor walked, trotting up the aisle like a show pony before me, waving, kissing, and greeting everyone on their side. She probably took five minutes to get to her seat."
It's not regular math, it's ~girl math~.
Calling all my Quiz Barbies!
"The chicken and the egg are in bed. The chicken rolls over and lights a cigarette, and the egg says, 'Well, I guess that answers *that* question.'"
"When your 'best friend' of 15 years always acts like they’re the main character and you are only there to support the plot, like an extra in their play. It took some time to realize they needed to make me feel inferior in order for them to feel superior. And when you stop playing the part you are not useful for them anymore."
"I got a job as a 'fantasy model with long flowing hair' where I modeled for random American fantasy novels. It paid OK-ish, not well. I also signed away my rights like an idiot, so occasionally, I'll see myself at a bookstore riding a horse or casting a spell. I tried to read one of the books, and it started, 'He was not traditionally handsome.' Ouch."