To recap this week, here are just a few major events that happened: the continued environmental disaster in Ohio, the Super Bowl, Valentine's Day, and the news that hundreds of spy balloons are floating around in the sky. That's too many things.
1.
My kid got a Valentine from her best friend and I am DYING
2.
2 biceps and 2 triceps make for a grand total of 10 ceps
3.
these pics send me every time. this type of white man is so familiar to me…. the posture. the attempt at casualness. brazenly smitten despite being unavailable. it truly sends me. put them in the louvre
4.
They/she goes… they/she goes again
5.
bitches feel some sunshine on their face in February and think everything is alright
6.
even barney got buccal fat removal
7.
Nothing is universally funny. Except when your pet’s name starts with a “mister,” we can ALL agree that shit slaps
8.
I too will no longer be doing sex scenes on Netflix's YOU
9.
I hate saying I have an “open marriage” bc it’s misleading. We’re only allowed to sleep with people who can help our careers
10.
Asian parents dressing their kids the second it dips below 65 degrees
11.
“She [BLANK] on my [BLANK] till I [BLANK]” is the most versatile phrase of the English language
12.
my dad just sent me this venn diagram he made
13.
y’all, silk sheets are a mf scam. I woke up & everything’s on the floor including me
14.
one of my friends in their slut era…
15.
the energy at barre tonight was how do I put this um like super murderous
16.
Me telepathically telling my friend across the room that I want to leave the event.
17.
Forgive me, but if we’re meeting for the first time and you tell me you have five kids, “but there’s still time” for me, I’m gonna tell you I went to Miami last weekend with 72 hours notice.
19.
if you’re having sex tonight please use protection. I’m not worried about adding more scorpios to the world I just don’t think it’s fair to ask your friends to go to your baby shower in this economy
20.
So glad I helped 3 kids make 75 valentines for everyone’s trash cans.