Reporting To You X


March 3, 2011

It's a little bit Salvador Dali and little bit Captain Planet.

The internet is seriously winning right now.

The Centers For Disease Control released their findings from a 2006-2008 study of the sexual behavior of 15-to-24-year-olds in the United States, aka The Percentage of People Who Are Winning, Duh. Not much has changed since their last survey in 2002. Although you'll notice that twice as many women report same sex relations as men. Super Winning, Duh.

Alternative title: cats pwning dogs. Obviously cats always win. Duh! They are in the family "felidae," so they've got tiger blood inside!

We've seen the blurry screen grab from the teaser trailer, but Entertainment Weekly has the first bona fide look at Hugo Weaving as The Red Skull from "Captain America: The First Avenger." Jesse James wishes he could look this good in Nazi leather.

My ovaries might have just exploded.


Reddit user Guantes asked Ken Jennings to sign his book, Brainiac, with an illustration of Jennings "locked in mortal combat with Watson."

Nothing but a bunch of cats being scanned. Just, please, do not try and fax your cat. Very messy. Not winning.

Engineering artist Batsly Adams modded a Nintendo Entertainment System into an 8-bit breathalyzer. Just blow in the cartridge.

The very best of the #notwinning hashtag on Twitter. Not being Charlie Sheen really sucks.

Submitted without comment. Save one comment: Winning.

What? No inside-out umbrella gag?

We're through the veil here, folks.

The latest installment of Annie Leibovitz's Disney Dream series, with Olivia Wilde as the Evil Queen and Alec Baldwin as the Magic Mirror. Imagine seeing that Alec Baldwin face peering through your window at night.

I'd like to give a shout-out to 300 channels but I'm watching a Snuggie infomercial because I can't reach the remote.

They're basically looking for people who will snort ANYTHING and people who shower with their clothes on.

Say hello to the man known as Terminal, a living American folk hero who enjoys wearing corsets and cutoff shorts through airport security. The Dirty has been following him for months now, but he recently turned up after a brief hiatus at the Salt Lake City International Airport. If the TSA asked him to stop wearing tank tops and high heels, then the terrorists win.

Silly horse, you are not an elephant. You don't even have a trunk...oh.

Ashton Kutcher's Twitter was hacked while he attended the TED Conference. Someone posted a tweet saying Kutcher had been "punk'd" and asked, "Dude, where's my SSL?" Then there was a follow up referencing "protesters around the world." Seems like a missed opportunity for a "Butterfly Effect" reference.

Naturally, it's bigger on the inside.

For all formal emergencies. (Haven't you heard? Bow ties are cool.)

With all of this winning going on we figured an aging timeline would only be appropriate. We now present to you the official winning timeline. Winning and beyond.

Is your husband avoiding romantic intimacy? You must be neglecting proper feminine hygiene. Try douching with Lysol.

The hardest part was picking just ten.

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