March 3, 2011
It's a little bit Salvador Dali and little bit Captain Planet.
The Centers For Disease Control released their findings from a 2006-2008 study of the sexual behavior of 15-to-24-year-olds in the United States, aka The Percentage of People Who Are Winning, Duh. Not much has changed since their last survey in 2002. Although you'll notice that twice as many women report same sex relations as men. Super Winning, Duh.
Alternative title: cats pwning dogs. Obviously cats always win. Duh! They are in the family "felidae," so they've got tiger blood inside!
OH MY DEAR LEGENDARY GODNEY. THE NEW BRITNEY SINGLE HAS LEAKED. IT'S BETTER THAN "HOLD IT AGAINST ME."
Nothing but a bunch of cats being scanned. Just, please, do not try and fax your cat. Very messy. Not winning.
The very best of the #notwinning hashtag on Twitter. Not being Charlie Sheen really sucks.
The latest installment of Annie Leibovitz's Disney Dream series, with Olivia Wilde as the Evil Queen and Alec Baldwin as the Magic Mirror. Imagine seeing that Alec Baldwin face peering through your window at night.
I'd like to give a shout-out to 300 channels but I'm watching a Snuggie infomercial because I can't reach the remote.
They're basically looking for people who will snort ANYTHING and people who shower with their clothes on.
Say hello to the man known as Terminal, a living American folk hero who enjoys wearing corsets and cutoff shorts through airport security. The Dirty has been following him for months now, but he recently turned up after a brief hiatus at the Salt Lake City International Airport. If the TSA asked him to stop wearing tank tops and high heels, then the terrorists win.
Silly horse, you are not an elephant. You don't even have a trunk...oh.
Ashton Kutcher's Twitter was hacked while he attended the TED Conference. Someone posted a tweet saying Kutcher had been "punk'd" and asked, "Dude, where's my SSL?" Then there was a follow up referencing "protesters around the world." Seems like a missed opportunity for a "Butterfly Effect" reference.
With all of this winning going on we figured an aging timeline would only be appropriate. We now present to you the official winning timeline. Winning and beyond.
Is your husband avoiding romantic intimacy? You must be neglecting proper feminine hygiene. Try douching with Lysol.