June 29, 2011
Besting Alex Roy's 2001 record of 27 minutes, a new driver representing "Corporate Broadcasting Company" accomplished the insane feat in a mere 26:03. Here's a time-lapsed video of the 24.48 mile drive, apparently performed in a Saturn Sky and with a modest average speed of 56mph.
Thirsty? Then head on over to the Green Man Pub in Wellington, New Zealand. For only $20, you can quench your thirst with a fresh shot of apple-flavored horse semen. Suppose you probably should be the adventurous type!
So I see Discovery got my fan letter.
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
Wait, aren't most of these animals lactose intolerant? Shhh. Shhh. Just enjoy how happy they look.
And without water. This man for president.