Don't even pretend this isn't true, parents.
"Nobody asked you, Patrice!"
Follow the signs.
"First rule of fight club: no fightin!…Shakira Shakiraaa."
Pickle your battles wisely, folks.
We've found the cure for writer's block!
LOL that unicorn cake — I'm crying...
You pretty much only text about your poos now.
"I'm not above yelling Harry Potter spells at you until you go away."
Good one, professor.
"Most of parenting is unsuccessfully attempting to sit down."
"Lonely. I'm so lonely. I have nobody to call my own."
Goddess, show us the way.
"How do you kick a ceiling by accident?!"
"I’m just gonna say it, Dumbledore is a daddy."
"The most unrealistic part of Harry Potter was that nobody asked to try on Harry’s glasses and make fun of how blind he was."
"Harry Potter named all his kids like some nerd who had just finished reading Harry Potter."
Let's laugh at our mistakes.
Tag your least mature friend in the comments.
You beautiful, tropical fish.
Is there such a thing as too adorable?
"Target Staples Aldi Dicks."
"The Avengers go to Ikea, and Thor is the only one who can pronounce the name of anything."
From Founding Father to IRL father.
Ay dios mío!
"I used to comb my ass hairs with my sister's styling comb..."
Settle in. Get a snack.
Some kids are born not to be played with.
Marriage takes commitment and so does a good prank.
*violently rejects a software update*
It would've had all of the Chrises in it!
Your humour is just, very, very, unique.
There's no turning back now.
"Seriously, no one just looks down at their crotch and smiles."
Behind every good library is an even better librarian.
Of course they're all funny, too.
Featuring: newborn nuttiness, the terrible twos, threenagers, and the fucking fours.
"If someone refers to you as whip smart you are definitely about to get sexually harassed.
They didn't have to go the extra mile, but they did.
"I have a crippling fear of Goofy."
Are you Pringles Loud or Lady Doritos?
Raise your hand if any of these things have ever happened to you.
"Me watching the Olympics: Where’s Mario and Sonic?"
"Why is being alive so expensive?!"
"Have you ever been spanked?"
"And good Jovi to you, sir."