1. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick?
3. Why was the broom late?
4. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
6. What's a pirate's favorite letter?
8. I submitted 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them made the finals.
10. What are the strongest days of the week?
11. What do you call a pig that does karate?
13. How does a dog stop a video?
14. I googled "Rorschach test."
15. Where do hamburgers take their sweethearts on Valentine's Day to dance?
17. What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
18. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
19. What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
21. If you ever get cold, stand in the corner of a room for a while.
22. What do you call octopuses that look exactly the same?
23. What's the best thing about Switzerland?
26. Why is it a bad idea to tell a burrito a secret?
27. Apparently you can't use "beef stew" as a password.
28. Where does a sheep go to get a haircut?
29. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?
31. A man walks into a lawyer's office and asks, "How much do you charge?"
32. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up?
33. What do we want? Low-flying airplane noises!
34. I took part in the suntanning Olympics...
35. What did the frustrated cat say?
36. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
37. Why did the Jedi cross the road?
38. Murphy's law says that anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
40. What's a cheerleader's favorite cereal?
41. I can't take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.
42. Why Is Six afraid of Seven?
43. I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
44. Why do bees have sticky hair?
45. I told my friend not to get too excited about turning 32, since her birthday party would be so short.
46. What is a snake's favorite school subject?
48. How does NASA organize a party?
49. What do you call a hen who counts her eggs?
51. Not only is my new thesaurus terrible...
52. What do you call a story about a broken pencil?
54. What do you call a fake noodle?
56. Why did the pie go to the dentist?
57. George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie.
58. Lunch at the library.
60. The best joke you can tell your kids.
65. Knock, knock! Who's there? A little old lady. A little old lady who?
69. Muffins in the oven.
71. What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
72. How did the french fry propose to the hamburger?
74. What do you tell Simba when he's walking too slow?
77. Where does the president keep his armies?
80. If you have 10 apples in one hand and 14 oranges in the other, what do you have?
83. What did one eye say to the other eye?
85. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
88. A horse walks into a bar...
90. What does a nut say when it sneezes?
92. Why do spiders make such great baseball players?
94. The doctor's chart said my blood was type-A, but that was a type-O.
95. What do you do if you see a fireman?
96. A man walks into a bar and there is a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling. The man asks the bartender, "What's the deal with the meat?" The bartender explains that if you jump and slap a piece of meat, you get to drink free for the night, but if you miss, you must buy drinks for everyone in the bar. The man responds, "No thanks, the steaks are too high."
97. Why did the stoplight turn red?
98. Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke?
99. Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
100. 6:30 is hands down the best time of day.
101. What kind of pants do ghosts wear?
102. What do we want? Low-flying airplanes! When do we want them? NeeeeeOOOooowwwww!
103. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
This article contains content from Ben Smith, Jamie Jones, Andy Golder, and Mike Spohr. It was compiled by Kelly Rissman.