Everyone has an opinion on puns. Our uncalled-for opinion is that they are hilarious. (We bet your dad would agree.) So we rounded up the funniest puns — with the help of Reddit, Twitter and Tumblr — that will cause sheer pun-demonium!
1. "What is a Pepsi lover's favorite school subject? Fizz-ics."
2. "I bought a pair of shoes from my drug dealer the other day. I don't know what he laced them with but I was trippin' all day."
3. "I went shopping for cherries and mics the other day. Bought a bing, bought a boom."
4. "What did one body spray say to another? I can't understand you, your axe scent is too strong."
5. "To write with a broken pencil is pointless."
6. "Why would you stand in a corner if it is 90 degrees? That's way too hot."
7. "What do you call nitrogen when the sun comes up? Daytrogen."
8. "After a concert, I asked ten puns if they liked the sound quality. The feedback was awful; no pun in ten did."
9. "You could go ahead and start telling dad jokes now, although since you're not a real dad yet, that'd be a faux pa."
10. "The other day a man assaulted me with milk, cream, and butter. How dairy."
11. "How do you throw a space party? You planet."
12. "What do you call a cow that just gave birth? DeCALFinated."
13. "I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words."
14. "Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? It's making headlines everywhere!"
15. "Whiteboards are remarkable."
16. "That scarecrow is really good at his job. He's outstanding in his field."
17. "Net fix and chill."
18. "Did you hear about the circus that caught on fire? It was in tents."
19. "What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila Mockingbird"
20. "Never tell a pun to a kleptomaniac because they always take things literally."
21. "Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed."
22. "Saw this bread and not one person laughed when I said 'dat ass dough.'"
23. "What kind of music do you play at a space party? Neptunes."
24. "One bird can't make a pun. But toucan."
25. "Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a well-balanced meal!"
26. "Big Foot caught on tape!"
27. "The chicken coop only had 2 doors since if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan."
28. "Atoms are such liars...they make up everything."
29. "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."
30. "I, for one, like Roman numerals."
31. "Orion’s Belt is a waist of space...Not the best pun, admittedly, I’d give it 3 stars out of 5."
32. "Wow, look at the van Gogh."
33. "Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tearable."
34. "Heroes in a half shell."
35. "Did you hear about the human cannonball? Too bad he got fired!"
36. "What was Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1"
37. "Walking on the shore, I spotted a gigantic clam. I tried to drag it back home but I had to stop 'cause I pulled a mussel."
38. "I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."
39. "Studying to become a licensed funeral director is a grave undertaking."
40. "My leaf blower doesn't work; it sucks."
41. "Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?"
42. "Lays Miserables"
43. "Don't drink with ghosts, they can't handle their boos."
44. Christian Bale
45. "What do you call a snobbish prisoner going down the stairs? A con-descending."
46. "Had some mushrooms this morning...breakfast of champignons."
47. "We ordered Chinese food and it didn’t come with any cookies and I can’t stop talking about how ‘unfortunate’ this is."
48. "What do you call a bad chemist? An oxymoron."
49. "What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds"
50. "I wanted to post this just in case."
51. "I honestly don't have the koalafications, my puns are unbearable."
52. "Wanna hear a joke about pizza? Never mind it's too cheesy."
53. "I was home for Christmas and my parents cooked a beef tenderloin. I said, 'Man, Budapest is going to love this.' They asked who Budapest was. I said, 'I named my stomach Budapest because it’s the capital of HUNGRY' and that’s when they stopped calling me son."
55. "Pew pew."
56. "I hate how funerals are always at like 9 or 10 AM. I’m not a mourning person."
57. "A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. The guy asks, 'What’s this about?' The bartender replies, 'Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone’s drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?' The guy replies, 'Nah, the steaks are too high.'”
58. "One time I prepared homemade soup and I texted a girl a photo of it and said, 'Get you a man who can do broth' and she left me on read."
59. "My grandma bought my grandpa new pants and my mom asked him how they felt and he goes, "Like a cheaply made castle.” And we were like, 'what?' and he goes, “No ballroom.”
60. "Jokes about 90° angles are all right with me."
62. "On my tombstone please write: 'Not appreciating my puns when I was alive was a grave mistake.'"
63. "I have an emotional attachment to this email."
64. "Shout 'out' to the people wondering what the opposite of 'in' is."
65. "I stayed up all night wondering when the sun would rise, then it dawned on me."
66. "I remember my mom's Uncle Joe died and got cremated and we were on the way to the funeral and she said she wanted some coffee and my older brother said, 'Well, we got a box of Joe right here' and that didn’t make her laugh."
67. "A UFO caught on tape!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
68. We told our pizza delivery man to write a joke on the box. He delivered.
69. "Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing."
70. "Have you ever noticed that Ireland is just one sea away from Iceland?"
71. *Tucks shirt in* "Goodnight, shirt."
72. "Is that the Fanta of the Opera?"
73. "Google Slides. Google Docs."
74. How do you guys like my first attempt at 3D printing?
75. "When does a joke become a 'dad joke'? When it becomes apparent."
76. "A bipartisan bill legalizing medical marijuana for use in alleviating symptoms of arthritis would be joint support for joint support for joint support!"
77. Doctor: What seems to be the trouble? Me: I have pain in both legs
78. "There are good cheese puns and bad cheese puns. Between them, there’s a gruyerea."
79. "A sign in the window reads CURED MEATS. Inside, a salami takes his first steps since the accident. A prosciutto learns to forgive."
80. "Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in big trouble. You have my word."
81. "My girlfriend said we had a massive leak in the fridge..."
82. "A lady just dropped a steak while I was at Aldi. I said, 'Whoops, now it’s ground beef.' She didn’t laugh or seem slightly amused but that’s showbiz baby."
83. "Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? They lactose."
84. "Damn it. My water broke."
85. "The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran."
86. "I only know 25 letters of the alphabet; I don't know why."
88. "She told me i was average, but she was just being mean."
89. "I knew I was destined to be a psychologist not a magician when I pulled a habit out of a rat."
90. "Legend....dairy..."
91. "My skiing skills are really going downhill."
92. "Ice, ice, baby."
94. "Confusion today when a stationery store moved."
95. "I thought my nose was bleeding, but it's not."
96. "When I went to college I was going to join the debate team but someone talked me out of it."
97. "I was gonna start a procrastination club, but I never got around to it."
98. "I hate going to the dentist because every time I go, my tongue gets depressed."
100. "German sausage jokes are just the wurst."
101. "The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize."
102. "Velcro - what a rip off."
103. "A new type of broom came out. It's sweeping the nation."
104.
105. "I hear there's a new reversible jacket coming out soon. I can't wait to see how it turns out."
106. "I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure."
107.
[on doorstep after date] me: what would you say to coffee? her: I dunno, maybe "how have you BEAN?" me: that's pretty good you can come in
108. "The man entered his home and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stolen every lamp in the house."
109.
110. "People don't like jokes about electrons because they're taken negatively."
111. "Puns are the lowest form of wit, but poetry is verse."
113. "I met a guy at an internet cafe, but we didn't click."
114. "Bakers trade recipes, on a knead to know basis."
115. "A diminutive psychic on the run from the law is a small medium at large."
116. "You're a Dora bowl!"
117.
football coach: i need you guys to make a play (8 months later at opening night) football coach: wait wtf is this
118. "When you tryna be cheesy but everyone around you is laughtose intolerant."
119. "The mailman told me he's off to Spain tomorrow, so I asked him if he was going to Parcelona."
120.
silently waiting your turn to unleash the literal game changer
121. "I bought some shoes from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day."
122. "What do you call a snake that's exactly 3.14 feet long A πthon."
123.
This article contains content from Andy Golder, Dave Stopera, Andrew Ziegler, Angelica Martinez, Tanner Greenring, and Hattie Soykan. It was compiled by Kelly Rissman.