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The 15 Best Insults And Comebacks In Movies, Ranked By Someone Who Involuntarily Cries When They Argue With People

You already know the entire Christmas Vacation rant is on here.

Hello, my friends! It's everyone's favorite (???) BuzzFeed dot com writer/editor/phantom of the megaplex, Allie, back at it again with yet another ranking no one asked for or assigned to me!

Anyway, I'm a Gemini and, to be honest, that's really all you need to know about me to contextualize why this post exists. In my humble opinion, there are few things more satisfying in a film than a good ol' fashioned comeback or a great insult thrown out by a character at the perfect moment. So, with that in mind, I decided to take it upon myself to round up and rank 15 of my personal favorites!

The rules of this ranking are simple. No. Like, really, really simple: the comeback or insult has to be from a feature-length film. That's it. So, unfortunately, no TV shows! Sorry!

Ready? OK! Buckle up, buttheads — I mean...buttercups:

15. "You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity." — Toy Story (1995)

Buzz Lightyear angrily pointing at Woody the Cowboy

Watch the sick burn here:

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Pixar / Via youtube.com

14. "Hey, O'Connell! Looks to me like I've got all the horses! / "Hey, Beni! Looks to me like you're on the wrong side of the river!" — The Mummy (1999)

Brendan Fraser in a Mummy's tomb, yelling

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Universal Pictures / Via youtube.com

13. Charlie's "Big Nose" rebuttal — Roxanne (1987)

Steve Martin with a large nose screaming at a woman

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Columbia Pictures / Via youtube.com

12. "Look, I think we got off on the wrong foot here." / "That's all you've got lady: two wrong feet in fucking ugly shoes." — Erin Brockovich (2000)

Julia Roberts studying legal documents at a desk

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Universal Pictures / Via youtube.com

11. "You're tacky, and I hate you." — School of Rock (2003)

Jack Black instructing a classroom up at the blackboard

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Paramount Pictures / Via youtube.com

10. "Look up 'idiot' in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?" / "A picture of me?" / "No, the definition of the word 'idiot,' which you fucking are!" — Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (2005)

Val Kilmer and Robert Downey Jr pointing guns at something off screen

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Warner Bros / Via youtube.com

9. "You despise me, don't you?" / "Well, if I gave you any thought, I probably would." — Casablanca (1942)

Humphrey Bogart standing on a staircase, looking down

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Warner Bros. / Via youtube.com

8. Clark's "Jelly of the Month Club" rant — Christmas Vacation (1989)

Chevy Chase hiding behind a Christmas tree

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Warner Bros. / Via youtube.com

7. "It's against the law to burn anything besides trash in your own yard, ma'am." / "It is trash." — Waiting to Exhale (1995)

Angela Bassett smoking a cigarette while watching a car burn

Watch the sick burn* here:

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20th Century Fox / Via youtube.com

*They inexplicably do not have the scene I'm referencing on YouTube — except for this poorly filmed version — which is, frankly, a failure on humanity's part of criminal proportions. So, instead, please enjoy this incredible scene wherein she collects and burns all of her cheating husband's things, leading up to that iconic line instead.

6. "Liam and me, we’re going to fuck you up." / "Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man." — The Big Lebowski (1998)

Jeff Bridges looking down while wearing sunglasses

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Gramercy Pictures / Via youtube.com

5. “By the way, there's a name for you ladies, but it isn’t used in high society...outside of a kennel.” — The Women (1939)

A group of gossiping women

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Loew's Inc. / Via youtube.com

4. "And go where, Sharon?!" / "To Hell. But, until then, I suggest maybe the Four Seasons." — Obsessed (2009)

Beyoncé talking on the phone while looking angry

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Screen Gems / Via youtube.com

3. "I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon." — The Princess Bride (1987)

Cary Elwes looking off into the distance

Watch the sick burn here:

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20th Century Fox / Via youtube.com

2. "It's not my job to make you feel like a man. I can't make you something you're not." — Crazy Rich Asians (2018)

Gemma Chan looking away from her onscreen husband, upset

Watch the sick burn here:

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Warner Bros. / Via youtube.com

1. And finally: The entire Rufio vs. Peter sequence — Hook (1991)

Dante Basco holding a sword between himself and Robin Williams

Watch the sick burn(s) here:

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TriStar Pictures / Via youtube.com

There you have it! You've read my ranking, but what's YOURS? I want to hear all about YOUR favorite insults and comebacks from movies in the comments below because, as I say in all of these rankings, I do read all the comments (against the explicit advice of all of BuzzFeed's editors and, you know, mental health experts and stuff)!!!

Also, what would you like to see me rank next? Let me know in the comments below — or don't! It's your world; I'm just livin' in it! Until next time, my friends!