"The one and only time I’ve given my number to a random stranger at a bar, he turned out to be a multi-billionaire."
Alternatively titled, "A Series of Unfortunate Events." Just not by Lemony Snicket.
NOT 👏 ALL 👏 COUNTRY 👏 BOYS 👏 ARE 👏 BIGOTS 👏
Stimkies, puppers, and doginis — OH MY!!!!!!!!!!
Better to know than always wonder "what if"............Right?
The things I'd do for a deep whiff of some Mr. Sketchys...
Once I retire, it's over for you hoes!!!!!!!!!
"I sent 'I love you' to my girlfriend. Then told her 'wrong person,' as I meant to send it to my mother."
*breathes in* So goooooooob *breathes out*
Sometimes, the world can be pretty great.
Our scientific findings? Pets apparently do not have any "bad sides."
Tinder and Bumble and Hinge...OH MY.
People Are Texting Their Boyfriends To "Schedule A Dick Appointment," And Their Responses Are GENIUS
"Customer disclaimer: Dick appointment may not be as long as normal, no refunds."
Baby doll/wasp nest hybrid? Ominous...
WARNING: These tweets are extremely potent with Chaotic Energy™.