Listen, breakups are hard. A lot of us have several under our belts — and some of us even have some petty lil' retaliation stories to go with 'em.
So, we asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the pettiest things they've done after breakups. And yup, they were petty! So, for your reading pleasure, here are some of the absolute ✨pettiest✨ submissions:
1. "After I uncovered his months-long affair with my sister, he moved into her apartment complex. Betrayed, heartbroken old me couldn't handle that, so I called the landlord of his new apartment complex and pretended to be our old landlord. I said that he'd been kicked out because we caught him on tape taking dumps in the stairwell every day. The other landlord and I nicknamed him the 'Serial Stairwell Shitter' on the spot."
"Sometime later, I got a call from my mom that my sister had refused to let him be kicked out (they were living in the same apartment) so she'd be thrown out with him. I ended up becoming best friends with his landlord, too — we had a good laugh when I told her what I did. She passed away a few months ago, and I told that story as her eulogy."
2. "I took apart all of his Lego sets and donated them to Goodwill."
3. "My ex was a huge football fan and couldn't afford cable, so when I moved in with him I got cable under my name. He cheated on me, so I moved out and took the cable and internet with me while he was at work. Did I mention that I made sure to do it on the day of a huge game he was looking forward to? Don't mess with me."
4. "My horrible ex-boyfriend had to run a few errands before moving the last of his belongings out, so once he left, I pissed in a cup, poured it into his bong water, and then watched him inhale my urine. Sweet, silent revenge."
5. "I unscrewed and removed some of the pipes under the kitchen and bathroom sinks and took his shower head too. No regrets."
6. "I used his credit card to buy, like, 20 huge canisters of shaving cream and then filled every pillow and cushion in his house with it until they looked the same as before."
7. "I picked a day that I knew it was gonna snow and left all her belongings on the lawn. I also made sure it was a day she'd be working, so her stuff would be out there for a while. Lots of soggy books, clothes, and gluten-free snacks outside that day."
8. "This guy I was dating dumped me by saying he had to step out to call his brother one night, then walked out of my apartment and never came back. To get him back for his Irish goodbye, my best friend and I spent a couple weeks smearing different smelly foods in a pair of underwear (cottage cheese, fish sauce, etc.) and planting them under a seat in his always-unlocked car for him to find once the smell got really bad."
9. "I went into my ex's game console and erased all the data from all of his games. Months of progress lost — just like months of our relationship down the drain!"
10. "I made friends with the girl my ex had been cheating on me with and one day, when he least expected it, we Skype called him at the same time. He answered me, so I secretly added her to the call. We bitched him out for hours while he begged us BOTH RESPECTIVELY to take him back."
11. "I went on my ex's Facebook and uploaded all the proof of his cheating to his wall, and sent a massive group message to everyone we knew. There was very compromising stuff on there."
12. "Before the breakup, my then-boyfriend and I moved into my new apartment. After he broke up with me, instead of telling him to move out of my apartment, I changed his custom home navigation on the GPS in his car to a random lot. Whenever he drove 'home,' he would end up somewhere else."
13. "My ex and I are big gamers, and he got me interested in this game that has a big Esports community. We used to joke about me leaving him for this pro-Esports player that I liked, and him leaving me for one of the female gamers he liked. After we broke up, I flew to LA to an Esports tournament where I met the pro player I liked. We actually exchanged numbers and flirted for a couple of months. I also met the female gamer that he liked, and she and I took pics flipping off the camera with our tongues out and I sent them to him."
14. "I signed them up for a ton of democratic politics campaigns. Unfortunately for them, they were a raging conservative."
15. "My fiancé cancelled our wedding three weeks before we were supposed to get married. We grew up together and know many of the same people. I tell lots of them that he has a very tiny penis whenever I see them — I’ve had a number of them tell me they can't look him in the eyes anymore because of it!"
16. "I told my husband’s girlfriend’s husband that his wife was cheating on him with my husband. He had no idea."
17. "My ex left a bunch of stuff at our shared apartment after we broke up. One day, my friend brought over her new puppy for me to meet and the puppy started peeing inside. Instead of rushing her outside to finish, we picked her up and let her pee all over his box of clothes."
18. "My friend and I (both female) realized our boyfriends were both cheating on us with each other, and neither of the guys admitted it to us, but broke up with us separately for 'other' reasons. One night after venting and putting some pieces together, my friend took a shit in a styrofoam cup and we drove with it in the trunk of her car to her ex’s apartment. She flipped it upside down (with the help of a pizza box) on the hood of his car and she set off his car alarm. Man, it felt good to see him freaking out about it!"
19. "I stomped on all the backs of his shoes so no matter which pair he picked, the backs were mysteriously broken down. Must have been the kids...."
20. "I had a threesome with his best friend and the girl he was trying to slide in on (who happened to be one of my best friends.)"
21. And lastly: "My boyfriend was cheating on me from the very beginning and I didn’t know until after he broke up with me (he finally came clean). I found out who the girl was and followed their messy and toxic relationship on social media. Whenever they’d break up, I’d do things that made it seem like it was probably her — I used his email to sign up for all of these different subscriptions, spammed his phone with cat photos and Bible verses, and one time, I sent a glitter bomb to his apartment under her name. Glitter is hard to get rid of once it’s everywhere, and it’s the gift that just keeps on giving! He totally deserved it and I hope he’s still finding glitter in his boxers."
Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.