They're not quite BFF material.
Your secret is safe with us.
They've been YOLO-ing for decades now.
Petty is as petty does, y'all.
Inquiring bellies want to know.
And you thought drunk texts were funny.
"I was so drunk I texted a married couple I know and asked for a three-way."
"My maid-of-honor invited her creepy ass dad, and he brought a penis ring toss game."
"I used to dream about falling in love. Now I dream about falling asleep."
"My wife just threatened me with her hormones."
"I know how hard you're working. And I know people are still asking you what you do all day."
Every woman has a story. Or two.
Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.
P-E-TT-Y, you ain't got no alibi...
Time to spill the beans, Ladies.
Because the teenybopper in you really wants to know.
Dads practically invented savagery.
"My nephew refused to wear socks because they were puppet bodies."
Dear Moms, never stop texting us.
"Like" if you've been there, parents.