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These Parents Tweeted About Having Kids And, My God, I Can't Stop Laughing

"Took my kids to church for the first time and my daughter asked who the ninja was. It was the priest."

There's no doubt about it — parenting can be both the most random and the most hilarious experience ever.

Well, we rounded up some of the funniest recent parenting tweets we could find, and we were not prepared to laugh this hard:


I caught my 9-year-old helping my 5-year-old with her math homework. When they noticed I was watching, they started fighting. Have to keep up appearances.

Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn


why can’t there be a school picture package with only 1 big picture and 3 medium ones? has anyone in existence used up 52 wallet sized pics of their kids?

Twitter: @mom_tho


Half of parenting is just moving cups away from the edge of the table

Twitter: @Average_Dad1


John Shearer / WireImage / Getty Images


I flexed on my kids by locking the door while I was in the bathroom. They flexed back by FaceTiming me from the iPad while I was in there.

Twitter: @sarabellab123


Prayers for my teen who has a long, uphill battle overcoming her mom hugging her at the bus stop.

Twitter: @mommajessiec


my 6yo keeps drawing these pictures of "the shadowman." i'm not ready to die y'all 😭

Twitter: @LizerReal


The parenting books didn’t warn me that someday I’d find myself at the playground wiping my kid’s bottom with a McDonald’s cheeseburger wrapper, yet here we are

Twitter: @dad_on_my_feet


My 3yo wakes me up way too early each morning by singing. So this morning, I woke up early, went into his room and started singing to show him how much it sucks. Then we had a duet and my point was missed.

Twitter: @stayathomies


Took my kids to church for the first time and my daughter asked who the ninja was. It was the priest.

Twitter: @momjeansplease


Me: Why are you naked? You can’t be naked at school you know. My 5yo: I know that’s why I’m naked now because I’m going to miss being naked so much.

Twitter: @pro_worrier_


when you really need your toddler to stop asking questions for just two goddam minutes

Twitter: @UncleDuke1969


Little boy crushing on my daughter, but she doesn’t want to play so she's sending him on pointless errands while she colors a picture 🤣 "bring me a barbie i don't care which one" “not that barbie a different one" "go find a slinky now" (we don't have one)

Twitter: @LizerReal


Half of parenting is just discussing whether or not your kid has pooped yet today

Twitter: @maryfairybobrry


My son has a shirt that says, “my dad can beat up your dad,” and honestly I don’t like the pressure

Twitter: @CrockettForReal


‘Look mommy, I wrote one of my spelling words!’

Twitter: @MamaNeedsACoke


9 wrote a song called “My Mummy Has A Squishy Tummy” and he’s singing it while his brother and sister play harmonica and bongos and I seem to have unlocked an ultimate level of parenting hell

Twitter: @MumInBits


7-year-old: I ate all of my lunch at school, and half of my friend's. Me: Didn't she want her lunch? 7: When someone gives me food, I don't ask questions.

Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn


Hear me out a party bus but it picks up other moms and we get to sleep while it drives around playing true crime podcasts and nobody talks to us or asks us for anything

Twitter: @mommeh_dearest


me: any ideas for dinner? wife: I don't know...maybe P-I-Z-Z-A? son: I KNOW YOU'RE SPELLING! me: sure, or what about T-A-C-O-S? son: I'M IN KINDERGARTEN NOW! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!! me: o podemos ordenar comida china? son: WHAT WAS THAT??? WE'RE NOT LEARNING THAT!!!

Twitter: @HenpeckedHal


My 4-year-old was FaceTiming my mom, and took off with my phone. Later I opened the pantry and saw my mom still on FaceTime waiting to be found. My 4-year-old left my mom in the pantry. Grandparents are golden.

Twitter: @BunAndLeggings


Dishware companies: we've made unbreakable bowls my kids: we don't give a shit

Twitter: @dadmann_walking


My son woke me up at 2am to let me know he was awake, if you’re wondering if kids might be for you.

Twitter: @sarcasticmommy4


no one: absolutely no one: my five year old: you can touch my blood if you want

Twitter: @mom_tho


son: can we go to the store to get new toys? me: we don't have any money son: they're free! me: they aren't free, I have to give them my credit card son: yeah but they give it right back

Twitter: @HenpeckedHal


Parents don’t vacation, they keep their kids alive in a different location.

Twitter: @spicydisasterma


Non-parent: What’s YOUR love language? Parent: Silence.

Twitter: @SladeWentworth


4 challenged me to an art competition so I drew an entire garden with vegetation and wildlife and 4 drew something vaguely resembling a flower, then she announced she was the judge and declared herself the winner this is bullshit

Twitter: @MumInBits


My 3yo to the cashier at the grocery store: "My mommy does meth good." Me: "MATH, I do math good." *heads home to tidy up for my surprise CPS visit.*

Twitter: @stayathomies


They say as your kids get older they get more likeable but that can’t be true because my parents still don’t like me

Twitter: @pro_worrier_


11-year-old: I need twenty dollars for another thing at school. Me: You're expensive. 11: I'm worth it.

Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn

If you think these parents are as hilarious as I do, be sure to follow them on Twitter!