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1. Some of Y'all...And It Shows:
Some of y’all have never been yelled at by a middle-aged white lady about something wildly outside the realm of your pay grade while working in the service industry and it shows
2. Scared to Moan:
Y’all scared to moan? I be in my girl eat like...
3. No __ Has All Five:
no man has all five: 1. good dick 2. communication skills 3. 0 hoes 4. A height over 5’9 5. Ability to display emotion
4. Waves and AirPods:
im sorry y'all.... i had to make this
5. Sasuke:
You’re weak Sasuke.. you lack seasoning
6. Disappointed Parents:
Your father and I aren't angry with you, just ... disappointed.
7. Andy King Fyre Festival Blowjob:
Job Interviewer: Describe a situation when you went above and beyond for a customer? Me:
8. Gummy Bear Challenge:
9. Driving In:
driving in Indiana: 🌽| 🚧 | ____________ | 🚘 || | | JESUS IS | 🌽| || | | LORD | | 🚧 | ________________ 🌽| || | | PORN STORE | | || | | NEXT EXIT | 🌽| 🚧 |
10. Act My Age:
small mammals after the dinosaurs got wiped out
11. Nancy Pelosi Clapping:
When I tell my wife I changed a diaper.
12. Due to Personal Reasons:
Due to personal reasons I will be back on my bullshit
13. Today's Tea:
Today’s tea: ) ) ) ) ( ) ) _(___(____)____(___(__ _ \ ur not sensitive / \ he’s just a / | \ fucking dick /____| \ to you / \ / \___________/
14. Buff Bunny Vs. Small Bunny:
⠀ (\__/) ⠀ (•ㅅ•) my gf telling the waitress ＿ノ ヽ ノ＼ __ my food is wrong / `/ ⌒Ｙ⌒ Ｙ ヽ ( (三ヽ人 / | | ﾉ⌒＼ ￣￣ヽ ノ ヽ＿＿＿＞､＿＿_／ ｜( 王 ﾉ〈 (\__/) /ﾐ`ー―彡\ (•ㅅ•) me
15. How Many Times:
"how many times have you watched gaga and bradley cooper perform shallow?"
16. Let Me In:
my cat 5 seconds after i let her out of my room
17. I'm Baby:
Me explaining to my boyfriend why he can’t scold me:
18. Cheesing:
It gets better every time I watch it
19. Me on Ellen:
me on ellen ellen: so i heard you love the ocean me: ya (the studio starts flooding) me: omg ellen you didn’t
20. Scantron Test:
[dolphin taking scantron test] A B C D E 1. [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▪️] 2. [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▪️] 3. [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▪️] 4. [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▪️] 5. [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▫️] [▪️]
21. Nobody:
Nobody: Me walking down the middle of the store checking each isle for my mom:
22. Co—Star Horoscopes:
╭━━━━━━━━━━━━╮ ┃🌔 CO — STAR ┃ ┃𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝘁 𝗮 𝗴𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 ┃ ┃I see you’ve got ur clown ┃ ┃suit on like you always do ┃ ╰━━━━━━━━━━━━╯
23. Horny Dumbledore:
Nobody: J.K. Rowling: Dumbledore ate the peach from Call Me By Your Name
24. Meghan McCain "My Father":
New therapist: What brings you here? Me:
25. Flat Stomach/When She Was Pregnant:
Me: I want a flat stomach My stomach | \ | / | \ | \ | 🍞🍞🍞\ | 🧀🧀🥩🥩\ |🌮🌯🌯🍟 \ |🥠🥠🌭🥞 / |🥚🥚🍖🍳/ |🥯🥖🥖 / | | | \ | \
26. State ~Drawings~:
California be _________ | | \ | \ 🌉 \ } \ \ \ \🎥 \ ) \ )🏄 ___( Whilmst Colorado be ___________ | | | ⛰️ | |__________|
28. So, Twitter, Meet My Dad:
My dad is 45, pursuing a modeling career, and I’ve never seen him happier. He told me he’s just waiting for a chance to blow up. So, Twitter, meet my dad.
29. You Were At My Wedding, Denise:
You were at my wedding Denise.
30. Showing My Mom a Funny Meme:
I HAD TO 😂😂😂😭😂😂😂😂
31. Chadwick Boseman "I'm Dead":
Me to the government when I die before paying off my student loans
32. Magic Johnson "I Ain't Gonna Be Here":
Baby Boomers when you ask them to care about climate change.
34. Daenerys Targaryen Squint:
this how white people smile at all minorities https://t.co/RhIKwLMZ8H
36. Ah Shit, Here We Go Again:
me every morning
37. First Image of a Black Hole:
hole pics?? space is confirmed gay
38. I Don't Know Who Needs to Hear This:
i don’t know who needs to hear this but you have food at home.
39. Me Explaining:
40. And I Oop:
When you’re telling your parents a crazy story and you almost snitch on yourself
41. Gamora Putting on Makeup:
Money getting ready to leave my bank account
42. This Shot Is Brilliant:
This shot is beautiful and should be taught in any film studies class.
43. "Old Town Road" Video Teaser:
Me looking at the last Pringle in the can https://t.co/wILUkqa3WG
44. SpongeBob Traveling the World in Drag:
literally no one: me ordering a baguette as a side at panera:
45. Keanu Reeves Walking in Slow Motion:
hypnotize -notorious BIG (request by @cosmiccaptains)
46. Door Stack Sorority Chant:
I slightly tweaked the sorority video to make it a smidge less terrifying
47. Surprised Marsai Martin:
When God opens a door you didn’t think you were qualified for
48. Unwanted Ivanka:
@morninggloria "I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States." #UnwantedIvanka
49. Megan Rapinoe's World Cup Goal Pose:
when I get my inbox down to ten emails