"I feel like my fatherhood is being threatened."
"We're all in this together. We should be kind to each other and make it as pleasant as possible while we're here.
"You want me to look like a giant piece of brown turd!!"
Warning: This post contains foul language that also kind of doesn't make sense, you solitary pubic hair.
"That animal by the side of the road was just...um...sleeping!"
Because when there's a bun in the oven, you can't eat deli meat. (That's the saying, right?)
"That's a real problem."
"It kinda looks like poop on a face. But I mean, if it makes me pretty..."