"Shark week is actually the safest time to go to the beach because all the sharks are busy being on TV."
I met her mom.
What do you wish people would just stop doing?
Have a seat.
"Send words, not dick picks."
"LaCroix is like drinking Sprite with a condom."
"I mean you're about to be if you keep riding my dick like this." — Halsey
Third-wheelers, this is for us.
Ok...what a good week of tweets.
"Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her. She knows how to make bad decisions and stick with them." — a dad's advice
I asked to his face.
"The vagina you are trying to reach is no longer in service."
"Your mom waited a whole 9 months for you to be ugly and a bucket of disappointment." — Cardi B to a hater
"Dorothy killed two women for a pair of shoes."