Help yo' self.

Hilary Mitchell • 10 months ago

"OMG this is us" – you to your friend, while simultaneously petting 12 dogs.

Hilary Mitchell • 10 months ago

Buckfast is "for kids", and pre-drinking is universal, apparently.

Hilary Mitchell • 10 months ago
Hilary Mitchell • 11 months ago

Witches used to steal men's penises and keep them as pets, apparently.

Hilary Mitchell • 11 months ago

"List your top 3 achievements of the year. Then stick that list up your fucking arse."

Hilary Mitchell • 11 months ago

We love them even though they steal our biscuits and get stuck in trees.

Hilary Mitchell • 11 months ago

"I'll have a cheeseburger without the cheese!" "So, a hamburger?" "NO"

Hilary Mitchell • 11 months ago

"She's so cold, I bet she has her periods in cubes."

Hilary Mitchell • 11 months ago

Her ideas are better than anything I could think of tbh.

Hilary Mitchell • 11 months ago

Guys, we get it, you're sick, but please stop pooping in corridors.

Hilary Mitchell • 11 months ago

The Night King is even more terrifying in 2D.

Hilary Mitchell • 11 months ago

Mr Darcy probably secretly liked to put trumpets up ladies' bottoms.

Hilary Mitchell • 11 months ago

The finest, most batshit city in Scotland really outdid itself this year.

Hilary Mitchell • 11 months ago

The average British Christmas costs £750. Can you come in under budget?

Hilary Mitchell • 12 months ago

"So work made me do this 3 times without me realising it was ‘anyone for a blow job’"

Hilary Mitchell • 12 months ago

Let's end 2017 with real facts, not fake news.

Hilary Mitchell • 12 months ago

Because everyone needs some fish shoes and a taxidermied squirrel.

Hilary Mitchell • 12 months ago

Deconstructed tea? Fry-ups in dog bowls? We truly are living in Broken Britain™.

Hilary Mitchell • 12 months ago

Flaming trees, ox hearts in jelly, and terrifying Santas? Nah, I'l stick to 2017.

Hilary Mitchell • 12 months ago