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    Apr 30, 2017

    23 Scottish Tweets You'll Only Find Funny If You Have A Dark Sense Of Humour

    We'll take the piss out of literally anyone or anything, so be warned.

    1. On politics:

    2. On having kids:

    Dinny understand young cunts wantin kids man, just buy a PlayStation, theyre cheaper an ye dinny get the jail if ye chuck it oot the windae

    3. On wildlife:

    4. On ethical dietary choices:

    Imagine being a fuckin vegan, walking hame after a night oot steaming like "fuck me i could go a cabbage supper"

    5. On Ellen's famous Oscar selfie:

    6. On wreck the hoose juice:

    Good to see buckfast now putting fighting instructions on the boxes

    7. On crime:

    8. On celebrity deaths:

    9. On death in general:

    If ma grandweans take pictures a me dyin on ma hospital bed to post on social media fur attention a will haunt them till they die

    10. On shitting:

    Get yersel doon to silverburn and dae a shite wi yer pal

    11. On Facebook Marketplace:

    Can't believe that Facebook have put a button right in the middle of their app that shows you stolen goods in your local area

    12. On nans:

    Why dae cunts have "RIPs" in their bios? Hows yer granny gonny check Twitter fae heaven when she couldny even work the fuckin tv remote

    13. On drugs:

    barber in town just got done for puntin gear, weird av been a customer for years n had no idea he cut hair

    14. On romance:

    15. On interior decor:

    Mental what a couple a fairy lights can do, ye could put them on a deed body n id be like omg that's fucking lovely get that on ma Instagram

    16. On relationships:

    17. On parenting:

    18. On fancy-dress costumes:

    19. On beauty trends:

    Shame ye cannae contour yer horrible personality

    20. On the Royal Family:

    A 'souvenir royal pullout' would have saved us from they two wee drains on the system.

    21. On Taylor Swift:

    Taylor Swift seems like the kinda weirdo ye had in yer primary class that barked when ye spoke to them

    22. On children's TV shows:

    23. And on religion:

    AND ON EASTER SUNDAY JESUS DID RISE DECREEING THAT THE BIG TESCO MUST CLOSE IN HIS HONOUR BUT THE EXPRESS STORE CAN STAY OPEN FOR ESSENTIALS

    Is nothing sacred?

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