1. On politics:
2. On having kids:
Dinny understand young cunts wantin kids man, just buy a PlayStation, theyre cheaper an ye dinny get the jail if ye chuck it oot the windae
3. On wildlife:
4. On ethical dietary choices:
Imagine being a fuckin vegan, walking hame after a night oot steaming like "fuck me i could go a cabbage supper"
5. On Ellen's famous Oscar selfie:
Sick bastards.
6. On wreck the hoose juice:
Good to see buckfast now putting fighting instructions on the boxes
7. On crime:
8. On celebrity deaths:
9. On death in general:
If ma grandweans take pictures a me dyin on ma hospital bed to post on social media fur attention a will haunt them till they die
10. On shitting:
Get yersel doon to silverburn and dae a shite wi yer pal
11. On Facebook Marketplace:
Can't believe that Facebook have put a button right in the middle of their app that shows you stolen goods in your local area
12. On nans:
Why dae cunts have "RIPs" in their bios? Hows yer granny gonny check Twitter fae heaven when she couldny even work the fuckin tv remote
13. On drugs:
barber in town just got done for puntin gear, weird av been a customer for years n had no idea he cut hair
14. On romance:
15. On interior decor:
Mental what a couple a fairy lights can do, ye could put them on a deed body n id be like omg that's fucking lovely get that on ma Instagram
16. On relationships:
17. On parenting:
18. On fancy-dress costumes:
19. On beauty trends:
Shame ye cannae contour yer horrible personality
20. On the Royal Family:
A 'souvenir royal pullout' would have saved us from they two wee drains on the system.
21. On Taylor Swift:
Taylor Swift seems like the kinda weirdo ye had in yer primary class that barked when ye spoke to them
22. On children's TV shows:
23. And on religion:
AND ON EASTER SUNDAY JESUS DID RISE DECREEING THAT THE BIG TESCO MUST CLOSE IN HIS HONOUR BUT THE EXPRESS STORE CAN STAY OPEN FOR ESSENTIALS
Is nothing sacred?