"OMG this is us" – you to your friend, while simultaneously petting 12 dogs.
Buckfast is "for kids", and pre-drinking is universal, apparently.
Witches used to steal men's penises and keep them as pets, apparently.
"List your top 3 achievements of the year. Then stick that list up your fucking arse."
We love them even though they steal our biscuits and get stuck in trees.
"I'll have a cheeseburger without the cheese!" "So, a hamburger?" "NO"
"She's so cold, I bet she has her periods in cubes."
Her ideas are better than anything I could think of tbh.
Guys, we get it, you're sick, but please stop pooping in corridors.
The Night King is even more terrifying in 2D.
Mr Darcy probably secretly liked to put trumpets up ladies' bottoms.
The finest, most batshit city in Scotland really outdid itself this year.
The average British Christmas costs £750. Can you come in under budget?
"So work made me do this 3 times without me realising it was ‘anyone for a blow job’"
Let's end 2017 with real facts, not fake news.
Because everyone needs some fish shoes and a taxidermied squirrel.
Deconstructed tea? Fry-ups in dog bowls? We truly are living in Broken Britain™.
Flaming trees, ox hearts in jelly, and terrifying Santas? Nah, I'l stick to 2017.