1. The entire point of Thanksgiving is stuffing your face.
And maybe some gratitude stuff too, sure, whatever. But everyone’s here for the gluttony. What goal could be more noble, more true, more AMERICAN?
2. There are so many foods on the table that everyone’s bound to find something they love.
Even those with Special Diet Needs. Some ideas:
23 Gorgeous Gluten-Free Thanksgiving Desserts
41 Delicious Vegan Thanksgiving Recipes
32 Vegan Recipes That Are Perfect For Thanksgiving
33 Recipes For A Paleo Thanksgiving
23 Delicious Vegetarian Recipes For Thanksgiving
3. You’re allowed to put bacon in every food.
No, really, EVERY food.
4. Same goes for bourbon.
Like in a sweet potato kugel, for instance.
5. It’s one of the few days a year that your parents can’t complain about you drinking to wild excess.
Because they’re doing it too.
6. It’s a secular holiday, so everyone can celebrate it with equal enthusiasm.
7. There’s a huge frickin’ bird involved. Look at this thing:
Is turkey the most delicious poultry on the earth? No. Is it closer to a small dinosaur than a large bird? Sure. Is it kind of a pain to buy, store, and cook. YES. But this bird is my bird. This bird is your bird. It is the BIRD OF AMERICA.
Get the recipe for this Thanksgivukkah-appropriate Manischewitz-brined turkey.
8. But the “side” dishes get all the real glory, as they should.
Every potato grows up looking forward to this day its whole life.
9. The cooking is actually way easier than you think. No one will care if it isn’t fancy.
Hate to say it, but Thanksgiving is all about quantity. Sure, you CAN spend three days slaving over an elaborate feast. But do you have to? Absolutely not.
10. Only on Thanksgiving is eating 17 pieces of pie a reasonable thing to do.
Obviously that’s not going to stop true enthusiasts from pie bingeing on other days, but it’s nice when no one gives you side-eye.
11. Stuffing exists.
“It’s just bread chunks,” you say. Oh, but it’s SPECIAL bread chunks.
12. Finally, in conclusion: THE LEFTOVERS.
This sandwich, you guys.
And if you’re somehow still not excited…
…just check this out: The 15 Best Moments Of Thanksgiving