£7.50 for a wee glass of wine? Bolt.
Breakfast munchy boxes and cupcake vending machines, for a start.
There’s never a good reason to go to Dunfermline.
“Want to take another nap and then rewatch Bound?”
If you pass, you get a free education and some whisky.
“BRB, just off to Sellotape 15 loaves of bread to my car.”
“Hav u been checking your balls? Not being funny you need to check them xxx”
Square sausage, or link sausage? Haggis? No haggis? Beans? HELP.
“A train passenger was caught trying to have sex with the on-board drinks trolley.”
“OK guys, admit it: Who put these cat bollocks in my mug?”
“Are you gay Morag or straight Morag?”
None of things are Burns suppers.
Can you believe it’s been 12 years since it first aired?
“My star sign’s Pyrex. I was a test tube baby.”
“Deep-fry yer pizzas. We’re gonna deep-fry yer pizzas.”
It’s just a grubby suburb of Glasgow, basically.
Does your dog use your carpet as toilet paper?
*Googles “national animal of Scotland”.* Wait, what.
Guys, you really need to stop getting stuck in bins.
Because nothing beats the crisp, meaty embrace of a warm Scotch pie.