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1. A TubShroom first and foremost, because why don't you have this already?! Your drains are suffering! Stop showering in standing water!
2. A pack of pimple patches for tackling adult acne once and for all by draining zits overnight and reducing the lifetime of your breakout faster than you can say pop.
3. A pair of blackout curtains to help you get some SLEEP for once past 6 a.m. All you need to do on your end is shut these before bed for instant 🙏 darkness 🙏 that'll last until your alarm goes off.
4. A Seche Vive gel-effect top coat that'll let you always have pro-like gel manis ~on hand~ *without* blowing your weekly budget. It'll keep your nails looking freshly-done for up to 14 days (!!!) so chipped, messy-looking hands will be a thing of the past.
5. A portable personal blender so you can start every morning at work with a full stomach (important!) by quickly making a satisfying smoothie, even if you're running a little late. No dishes, no overpriced juices.
6. A travel case of floss picks, because it's high time you have a positive dentist appointment. It's also time you eat salads without wondering how much of it is in your teeth (though maybe you should stick to pizza, just in case).
7. A windshield cover for preventing bitter winter mornings of trying to get all the snow off ten minutes before work. Where are our parents to do this?! Oh, they don't live with us. Drats.
8. A pair of cushioned ballet flats to stay on your feet all darn day whenever your schedule is filled with back-to-back meetings. No, you can't call in sick. You'll make it to all of them — and still look polished!
9. A reusable tote that'll not only scare people away from stealing your lunch in the shared fridge (grrrr), but actually feel motivated to bring leftovers to work. Prepare to be amazed at how much money you save.
10. A wrinkle-release spray so you can make a very simple choice: this easy-to-use spray, or wearing messy-looking clothing. Obviously, dry-cleaning is not even on the table — unless money is indeed suddenly growing on trees.
11. A pack of toilet-cleaning gels, because this'll be an easy way to keep your toilet sparkling without the dreaded bathroom *doody*. It cleans every time you flush, making this every lazy adult's dream come true.
12. A recycle sorter for a) earning bragging rights for saving the planet and b) putting an end to throwing plastic bottles away in the can bin. How embarrassing. Your landlord knows it's you.
13. A mini file organizer to keep and REMEMBER your receipts instead of crumpling them at the bottom of your bag. Not only will this help you track expenses (especially those that'll get you *cough cough* tax returns), but make purchases more memorable so you stop thoughtlessly swiping that card.
14. A monthly budget planner that'll help you finally do what all adults must learn eventually: budget. This'll break everything down (including a debt payment log, daily and weekly expense tracker, and budget worksheet) to make finances feel more maneagble. Phew.
15. An organizing keyboard shelf so you can both clean up your usual clutter to help you FINALLY focus *and* make your desk look promotion-ready.
16. A tub of heavy-duty cleaning wipes, because these'll conquer scary messes wherever they happened — including on your carpet. Meaning: these are about to become your version of cleaning if you're not even sure how to use a vacuum (and people will have no idea).
17. A bottle of Garnier micellar water for easily removing makeup, purifying pores, and cleansing your skin, even if you "forgot" to wash your face again. Growing up apparently means not going to bed with makeup on anymore. Sad face.
18. A bottle of white touch-up paint to quickly fix any scuff marks on your wall or furniture to make your space look as neat and put-together as possible. Tl;dr: that dresser you bought four years ago can still look brand new.
19. A pair of large mesh laundry bags that'll upgrade your washing routine from "hope I don't ruin all my bras" to "wow, my delicates last so long now." We're still never going to do a separate load, so this'll do the trick.
20. A bottle of BarKeepers cleaning solution so you can easily scrub rust, surface scratches, burnt grease, and even Sharpie marks away on all of your surfaces. Would you look at that — your kitchen is suddenly presentable.
21. A window-insulation kit, because this'll make sure your heating bill stays under control. This'll make sure you don't have to turn the heat up so much (especially if you have a drafty house), and increase energy efficiency.
22. A four-way cleaning brush for making worn-out shoes look brand-new again, instead of buying new boots every flipping fall. You said these were THE ONE last year — it's time to put an end to limitless shopping (sad, I know). But now you'll be excited to wear them again!
23. And a dishwasher magnet to have a cute, non-aggressive way to communicate with roommates whether the dishes are clean or dirty — or it can serve as a much-needed reminder to yourself to run the dishwasher.
24. A printed midi dress in ~18~ patterns that'll give you a way to cheaply stock up on a slew of chic and professional go-tos. Heck, get one for Monday through Friday (but Saturday is for sweats).
25. An attachable aerator so you can transform cheap wine into the fanciest-tasting adult juice you've ever had. It infuses oxygen to release the vino's ~aromas~ and bolden the taste right out of the bottle — so basically your leftover pizza is about to get a very upscale pairing.
26. A pair of blue light glasses, because these'll help you read emails without a headache (at least from the blue light). These minimize ~digital eye strain~ to help you avoid any midday crashes caused by your glaring screen so you actually stay in the zone.
27. A wireless charging pad for accepting you are TOO OLD to be asking people if they have a charger. It's also time to outgrow trying to deal with frayed wires.
28. A meal-planning pad with two sides: one to brainstorm weekly dishes and the other to keep track of groceries. Now you can actually make your own food, instead of wasting all your money on takeout. It even has a magnetic back to put on the fridge so it's almost impossible to forget to use.
29. A set of plastic drawer organizers to declutter your bathroom, desk, vanity, really whatever needs the most help. Being a grown up = knowing where your toothbrush is.
30. A non-padded supportive bra loved by DD+ breasted reviewers that'll show you it's about time you discover how amazing a properly-fitted bra feels. Teenage training bra woes are OVER, my friends.
31. A bitter-tasting varnish so you can join the thousands of people who stopped biting their nails, even after years of doing so whenever stressed. It dries clear, but leaves a terrible taste so your brain is trained to STOP munching and direct your attention to another stress-reliever. Anything that doesn't leave your fingers bleeding is an improvement.
32. A very entertaining activity book, because this'll help you take your mind off the day's 💩 scenarios and navigate the constant stress of adulthood through multiple fun outlets — maybe today you'll color a soothing grandma, the next create your own underground bunker.
33. A car essential oil diffuser for keeping your car freshly scented no how many fries get buried under your seat. Having your own car is only great when it doesn't smell like 100-day-old fast food.
34. A bottle of Finish booster powder to restore dishes with hard water stains or just glasses you've been *getting around* to replacing after many red wine nights. Throw 'em in the dishwasher with this, and they're back to brand spanking new.
35. A mini knife sharpener that'll make those inexpensive knives you've had since freshman year of college are suddenly useable again. Good news: you can cook now! I'm sure you're thrilled.
36. An insect catcher so you can stay far, FAR away from spiders who come for an unexpected visit. If you're one to do the cup and envelope trick because you don't like to squish bugs, this'll make life easier for you.
Being an adult really just means you're allowed to do this:
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