1. This welcome alternative to lying your head down on a *real* skin-on salmon fillet.
2. A Gummy Bear anatomy puzzle, or: a Gummy Bear-shaped torture chamber filled with the small animal that died trying to escape it.

3. 80 pages of challenge accepted.

4. A vinyl wall decal of half an Asian businessperson.

6. What you've heard is a lie, it's actually sautéing your placenta that's the most rewarding part of parenthood.

7. A plush tonsil for anyone who's parted with an actual one.

8. This is a dick trophy.

9. The actual reason some people drool in their sleep.

10. A set of small hands that you place on each finger to make it look like your fingers have fingers.

11. A hat for looking like a botched mansquid unwelcome at the X-Mansion cool table.

12. A business-casual, disembodied husband pillow with lifeless hand detail.

13. An afro wig for dogs.

14. A pocket-sized suture pad so you can practice your flesh sewing on-the-go.

15. A pair of live Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches for $9.50, which at $4.75/roach is a steal.

16. And an Abominable Snowman statue that's a 12-pound reminder of how you choose to spend your money.

17. A bag of edible farts that's a real gas.

18. A sexy (?) googly-eyed thong for turning your junk into a trunk.

19. Edible chocolate anuses that are super delicious, no butts about it.

20. A pair of instant undies because you never know when you're going to need them in an emergency.

The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.