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1. A silicone steamer in the shape of a faceless, melting pig.
Price: $12.46
2. This welcome alternative to lying your head down on a *real* skin-on salmon fillet.
Price: $12.89
3. A Gummy Bear anatomy puzzle, or: a Gummy Bear-shaped torture chamber filled with the small animal that died trying to escape it.
Price: $46.18
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4. 80 pages of challenge accepted.
5. A vinyl wall decal of half an Asian businessperson.
Promising review: "Unbelievable. Really ties the room together. 10/10 would recommend." —Maddi Durbin
Price: $24.01+. Available in six sizes.
6. A headband with mullet hair attached to it.
Price: $9.99. Also available in black mullet and blonde mullet.
7. What you've heard is a lie, it's actually sautéing your placenta that's the most rewarding part of parenthood.
Hoping that squiggly black stuff is kale!
Price: $2.99 for Kindle.
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8. A fleece throw blanket that reminds others what you look like without skin.
Price: $29.97
9. A plush tonsil for anyone who's parted with an actual one.
10. This is a dick trophy.
World Champion of what? I'm not sure! Choose your own adventure! Great bow detail, really adds something.
Price: $4.37
11. The actual reason some people drool in their sleep.
Price: $7.75+. Available in eight pillowcase designs, all of which appear to be the same image of Nicolas Cage.
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12. A set of small hands that you place on each finger to make it look like your fingers have fingers.
Price: $6.64 for five.
13. A hat for looking like a botched mansquid unwelcome at the X-Mansion cool table.
Price: $3.50+. Available in 16 colors, and also knight helmet.
14. A business-casual, disembodied husband pillow with lifeless hand detail.
Price: $34.99. Half torso's button-down shirt available nine colors.
15. 90 servings of Dippin' Dots. CUT
Price: $228 for three gallons of Dippin' Dots, 90 Dippin' Dots cups, and 90 plastic spoons. Available in 10 flavors.
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16. An afro wig for dogs.
Price: $6.01. Available in two sizes.
17. A pocket-sized suture pad so you can practice your flesh sewing on-the-go.
Price: $19.99. Also available in extra large with wounds.
18. A pair of live Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches for $8, which at $4/roach is a steal.
Price: $8.99 for two
19. And a life-sized Bigfoot statue that's a six-foot-tall, 147lb. reminder of how you choose to spend your money.
The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.
