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1. A silicone steamer in the shape of a faceless, melting pig.
Price: $13.27
2. This welcome alternative to lying your head down on a *real* skin-on salmon fillet.
Price: $10.99
3. A Gummy Bear anatomy puzzle, or: a Gummy Bear-shaped torture chamber filled with the small animal that died trying to escape it.
Price: $26.75
4. 80 pages of challenge accepted.
5. A vinyl wall decal of half an Asian businessperson.
Promising review: "Unbelievable. Really ties the room together. 10/10 would recommend." —Maddi Durbin
Price: $24.01+. Available in six sizes.
6. A headband with mullet hair attached to it.
Price: $9.99. Also available in black mullet and blonde mullet.
7. What you've heard is a lie, it's actually sautéing your placenta that's the most rewarding part of parenthood.
Hoping that squiggly black stuff is kale!
Price: $2.99 for Kindle.
8. A plush tonsil for anyone who's parted with an actual one.
9. This is a dick trophy.
World Champion of what? I'm not sure! Choose your own adventure! Great bow detail, really adds something.
Price: $4.48
10. The actual reason some people drool in their sleep.
Price: $6.55.
11. A set of small hands that you place on each finger to make it look like your fingers have fingers.
Price: $5.98 for five.
12. A hat for looking like a botched mansquid unwelcome at the X-Mansion cool table.
Price: $5. You can also get a knight helmet if that's more your style.
13. A business-casual, disembodied husband pillow with lifeless hand detail.
Price: $36+. Half torso's button-down shirt available in eight colors.
14. An afro wig for dogs.
Price: $6.17.
15. A pocket-sized suture pad so you can practice your flesh sewing on-the-go.
Price: $14.99. Also available in extra large with wounds.
16. A pair of live Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches for $9.50, which at $4.75/roach is a steal.
Price: $9.50
17. And a life-sized Abominable Snowman statue that's a six-foot-tall, 147 lb. reminder of how you choose to spend your money.
Price: $2,565. Also available as Bigfoot and in two other sizes if, for some weird reason, you don't want it to come life-size.
18. A bag of edible farts that's a real gas.
19. A sexy (?) googly-eyed thong for turning your junk into a trunk.
Promising review: "It's awesome. My boyfriend and I laughed for a good hour after unpacking it. Every time our eyes met the elephant's it'd start all over again." —Heather Alvarado
Price: $6.99 (available in four colors)
20. Edible chocolate anuses that are super delicious, no butts about it.
Price: $9.68 for a set of six
21. A pair of instant undies because you never know when you're going to need them in an emergency.
Price: $4.89
The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.
