Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittles popped out!
Happy 20th anniversary, Toy Story!
Because some of us absolutely despise being physically touched.
“There seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere.”
No, we don’t carry around picket signs and burn our bras.
Fun fact: men can be feminists too!
Please don’t call me on my cellphone. Texting is just fine.
~Reblogs every single time~
“Just when I thought it was safe to let out a silent one, I farted right in his mouth.”
~Sweats every single time~
Because Halloween is better when you team up with your family.
“Can you make human cheese from breast milk?”
Convince this goon to dress up!
It’s been 22 years since the Sanderson sisters cast a spell on us.
“Twist the bones and bend the back.”