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1. A Jergens Wet Skin Moisturizer that'll restore hydration levels and *seal in* moisture all over your bod far before you collapse into your bed, since you apply this while your skin is *still wet* and thus skip the awkward, sticky waiting period. Yay!
2. A Nature Republic aloe vera gel to help calm down any redness induced by sunburns and ease itchiness, like, ASAP. People also swear by it for taming acne or oiliness, as well as lightening acne scars. P.S pop it into the fridge for an extra cooling effect!
3. A plush full-body massage mat equipped with 10 vibrating motors and four heating zones that'll soothe your upper back, lower back, thighs, and calves. In other words, tired joints and back pain, meet your new BFF!
4. Or a smaller heated massager can target and soothe particular knots and tense spots on your back, neck, or even your thighs, hamstrings, and feet — and it has adjustable straps so you can position it onto any chair of choice.
5. A cloud-like soft but supportive Helix mattress, so your body will feel loved and supported every minute you're lying down. And, if you've ever had trouble falling asleep like me, you might end up getting better, deeper sleep!
6. Or a Linenspa memory foam mattress topper (aka two to three inches of gel-infused magic) that'll provide some sweet relief for your poor, tense muscles without having to drop big bucks on a totally new mattress. Deeper sleep is just a lightweight pad away!
7. A pair of incredibly soft Aerie joggers to lounge around all day...every day in. They'll get so much wear that they'll basically meld into your body. Become one with your joggers.
8. A compact, reusable bug bite suction tool that'll suck away insect venom, saliva, and other irritants, and stop that darn itching/swelling in its tracks! While you can use it later on, it definitely works best as soon as you realize you've been bitten. Mosquitoes, bees, wasps, biting flies, no-see-ums, chiggers, and sea lice (and more!), meet your imminent match.
9. Washable anti-nausea Sea-Band wristbands for quick 'n' easy motion sickness/vertigo relief, naturally and without meds! It applies pressure to acupressure points on your wrist, so you can hopefully go about your day and travel freely without fearing that you'll vomit just about anywhere.
10. A soft-bristled EcoTools bath brush to exfoliate all of those hard-to-reach areas on your back and leave you with baby-soft skin — on your next night out, just be sure to show some back 😉.
11. Large Mighty Patch hydrocolloid surface treatments that'll suck out pus and fluids, and more quickly heal body blemishes that pop up on your chest, back, or wherever else they have no business being. They'll also prevent you from actually *popping* them yourself, 'cause as tempting as it might be....don't do it.
12. A super cozy convertible poncho/blanket to envelop your body in utter coziness, 'cause idk about you, but laying on the couch in this all weekend sounds like the best kind of plan.
13. A tub of CeraVe Moisturizing Cream you'll want to reach for whenever you need to relieve dry, flaky, and itchy (oh my!) skin all year round with the help of ceramides to boost your skin's natural barrier and hyaluronic acid to boost your skin's water content. And it's National Eczema Association–approved!
14. An ergonomic scalp massager with Goldilocks-approved bristles — not too soft that they're ineffective and won't get rid of buildup/dandruff/itchiness, and also not too rough that it'll pull on your hair and/or irritate your scalp — for a relaxing "ahh" shower moment your fingertips alone can't provide.
15. A bath spa pillow that'll provide padded support for your head, neck, and shoulders, so you don't have to lean against a cold, hard tub and essentially negate the effects of a relaxing bath.
16. And a bottle of The Seaweed Bath Co. body wash to lather your body in a wonderful concoction of organic bladderwrack seaweed, antimicrobial neem oil, algae, and aloe vera for ultimate nourishment. Your body will feel as soft as a cloud and clean as a sidewalk after a storm.
17. An acupressure mat for relieving neck and back pain, headaches, and insomnia without having to schedule and wait for expensive acupuncture, chiropractor, and massage appointments — it's basically your own feel-good secret weapon.
18. A Satisfyer Pro 2 that'll work wonders on your clit by using a pulsating pressure vacuum to stimulate and bring you to an orgasm faster than you say, "There are 11 settings???" Why yes, yes there are.
19. A dollop or two of Necessaire The Sex Gel, a clean, water-based, and FDA-approved personal lubricant treatment that'll make sex (solo or partner-based!) more comfortable and easy-gliding. It contains organic aloe vera, distilled deionized water, and hyaluronic acid, so you know it'll feel nice and slick on your ~intimate areas~.
20. A Harper Wilde The Base Bra, a feels-like-nothing T-shirt bra made with butter-like microfiber fabric, soft foam cups with full coverage but light lining, and front-adjustable cups that won't slip because you're in control. Hello, support! Bye, discomfort!
21. Maidenform two-hook and three-hook bra band extenders that'll easily snap on your existing, still-great bras if you need a lil' more leeway without having to resort to buying entirely new bras. Your boobs *and* wallet both thank you in advance!
22. A soft-as-heck Lou & Grey striped linen dress with *roomy* pockets (!!!), subtle side slits, and a scoopneck top that'll keep you breezy as the weather decides whatever the heck it wants to do. Fitted dresses, you have your time to shine, but this airy dress is the definition of comfort.
23. A pocket-sized Migrastil roll-on relief stick to fight persisting headaches and migraines by providing cooling relief and numbing your headache's intensity with a blend of essential oils that won't feel overpowering or nauseating.
24. A pair of moisturizing gel socks for softening rough, weathered stompers while you lounge around and/or sleep — it's like applying lotion, but way less messy!
25. High-waisted, super breathable Gap Breathe shorty undies that might just be the most comfortable bottoms that your butt ever experiences — seriously, this knit jersey material can't be beat, and the soft waistband/leg openings never, ever cut into your skin.
26. An actually affordable (!!) weighted blanket that'll make you feel gently cuddled every night, which is probably the best way to end any long day. Lots of reviewers swear by this to help minimize sleep troubles, including insomnia, anxiety, and frequent sleep movements. Time to get your deep sleep on!
27. A few pumps of Dove DermaSeries body lotion for soothing super dry and sensitive skin (especially those with psorasis or eczema), and leaving your body with lasting hydration you continue feeling for hours and hours later — no fragrance, soap, parabens, or synthetic dyes; just simple goodness.
28. A super cozy U-shaped body pillow to support your achy, breaky back, hips, and joints, and also to help with sleeping posture (especially for side sleepers — peep that between-the-knees cushion!), whether you're pregnant or not. You can also prop it up against your headboard for a multipurpose reading chair! What can't this cuddle buddy do?
29. A tub of Sol De Janiero Brazilian Bum Bum Cream created with delicious notes of salted caramel, pistachio, and vanilla to give your body (including, *but not limited* to your booty) quick-absorbing doses of hydration and antioxidants, as well as a subtle shimmer that'll make you look extra dazzling in the sun.
30. A Bawdy Shake It Butt Mask that'll leave your booty lookin' moisturized, brighter, and all around thriving in just 10-15 minutes post-shower — thanks to a little help from collagen, chamomile, aloe, blue algae, oat, and mineral kelp. Shake it, bb!
31. A delicious-smelling Rituals body scrub to leave your skin feeling refreshed, smooth as heck (thanks to exfoliating sugar and a blend of essential oils), and smelling of sweet orange and cedar wood. Say hello to your new weekly body care routine!
32. A Schick Silk Dermaplaning Tool that'll remove peach fuzz, fine hairs, and shape brows painlessly (and without paying for a wax). They're gentle, versatile, precise, and won't leave any signs of redness or irritation marks like other razors or hair removal methods might.
33. A Facetory sheet mask subscription box to recharge dull, tired skin with lots of hydration, vitamins, and antioxidants, so you can live your dewiest life possible. ✨ Not to mention, you'll never be bored with your sheet mask selection again!
34. Copper-infused compression bands for much-needed arch support and lift, so you don't have to spend a half hour massaging your feet at the end of a long day on your feet — and for anyone who deals with pain from planters fasciitis, this is especially for you!
35. A pair of fleece-lined tights to keep your legs from turning into legitimate icicles when you're wandering around in freezing weather in your extremely cute dresses — take that, low temps!
36. A Patchology foot peel treatment that'll peel off layers and layers of dead skin and calluses to reveal baby-soft feet in just a matter of days. Yes, you'll feel like a shedding snake, but the RESULTS are so worth it!
37. And a heaping of O'Keeffe's Healthy Feet Foot Cream to **keep** your feet and heels happy, soft, and crack-free by creating a protective, glycerin-heavy layer that'll boost moisture levels, penetrate rougher surface skin, and prevent future moisture loss, so your skin can actually ~heel~ (heal). Your stompers thank you in advance.
38. A delightfully fuzzy faux-fur blanket for the best snuggles of your darn life — and don't fret about dealing with shedding or static, because there'll be none of that.
39. A stylish pair of Privé Revaux blue light-blocking glasses to help alleviate some of the stress your poor peepers encounter while staring at a computer for hours on end — and your brain will be happy to get fewer headaches too.
40. A cooling, pillow-like eye compression mask with the ability to conform to the shape of your face/eyes to mitigate headaches (especially light-induced ones!), sinus pain, eye puffiness, and eye strain. Time to get the deep sleep you deserve!
41. Or a reusable red bean warming eye mask to soothe your worn-out peepers after a day of staring at screens — they're basically like an express spa treatment, and each mask stays warm for 10–20 minutes!
42. Comfortable-wearing, non-residue-leaving Banana Boat SPF 30 or 50 Sunscreen to smear, spritz, and reapply every two hours (or sooner, if you're in the water!) all over every dang inch of your body to keep it protected from harmful UV rays and subsequent sunburns.
43. A pair of cushy memory foam slippers that'll treat your stompers to a little extra love and warmth while you're shuffling around the house.
44. Reusable wool dryer balls to keep your clothes feeling like super soft clouds the second you put them on, no matter how rough those laundromat machines are on them. A priceless feeling! And, speaking of prices, think of how much $$$ on disposable dryer sheets and pricey softeners!
45. Organic West Elm double-ply Turkish cotton towels that'll probably make your body feel like royalty — because who else would be able to experience such luxuriously soft towels? Only a person of high stature (you).
46. A Herbivore jade facial roller to help your well-curated lineup of skincare products (especially facial oil!) sink in even deeper into your skin and treat your face with a nice, cooling massage. Can you say reducing puffiness and promoting lymphatic drainage? We can.
47. Hiker-favorite merino wool socks that'll stay in place no matter how rough your journey, wick moisture away from your skin, resist odor, and last for miles and miles (and years and years!) without any holes or tearing. And did we mention they have a lifetime guarantee? Buy 'em, love 'em, replace 'em, and repeat!
48. L'Oreal Paris Summer Belle Beach Bae Face & Body Liquid Luminizer to give your bod a little extra ~glow~ and ~luminosity~, because you're a beachy goddess. That's the only reason you need.
49. A lightweight, moisture-wicking, and temperature-regulating cotton comforter that'll make it even harder to get out of bed — and, most importantly, it won't leave you feeling too hot or too cold in the middle of the night, no matter how temperamental the weather is. *side eye*
50. A shawl-collar fleece robe, the perfect reason for canceling all of your plans in favor of staying in and burrito-ing it up in this number.
51. And last but not least, a beloved, FDA-registered Squatty Potty to relieve days-old constipation and help you improve your *long-term* colon health — time to forgo lengthy, trial-y bathroom visits (sorry, you'll have to do your Instagram scrolling elsewhere), and start going in and out quick, everyone!
You after a quick and satisfying poop:
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