Hi, I'm Christopher, and once again I'm going to sit at work, watch a horror film, and tell you all about it.
Have you heard about a Netflix movie called Eli? If not, just take a look at some of these headlines:
The headline that caught my attention in particular was the one that mentioned viewers were SEEING DEMONS AFTER WATCHING THIS MOVIE.
Here's how Netflix describes the movie:
The movie begins by introducing us to a boy named Eli, who has a rare disease that makes him allergic to the outdoors. He either stays inside or wears a protective suit. His parents, Rose and Paul, are transporting him to a medical facility in the middle of nowhere for treatment.
Below is the creepy-ass house/medical facility Eli and family will be staying at for treatment. It legit reminds me of the haunted, ghost-filled residence from the video game Luigi's Mansion.
This is Dr. Horn — she and her nurses will be treating young Eli.
The first 20 minutes are just the story being established. Eli gets comfortable in the new place. His parents discuss their faith that treatment will work. The only remotely spooky thing that happens is the invisible fingers swiping at a foggy window.
Eli gets his first treatment and it looks VERY painful. The medical staff use sharp tools that make really unpleasant scraping sounds as they...extract chunks of flesh or something? I have no clue what they're doing, I'm not a doctor, but I am disgusted.
Eli is wandering around the house when a girl named Haley comes to the window and chats with him from outside. He invites her to come in and she passes (which I would've done too), saying that the home looks creepy (which it does).
THE FIRST BIG SCARE HAPPENS. It's about 30 minutes in. Eli is wandering around the place, being a curious kid, when he has an encounter with this Olympic gold medalist sprinter of demon ghosts.
Eli tries to tell his parents about the demon ghost sprinter he's encountered but they don't take it seriously, figuring it must've just been a nurse.
Eli wanders around again, making it tough to feel sorry for him when he inevitably encounters ghoulish shenanigans. Stay in bed and maybe you won't keep running into demons, bruh. Anyway, a ghost writes "LIE" on a foggy window.
During the next treatment, the medical folks DRILL INTO Eli's noggin, which I would've been completely good not seeing.
More treatment, more creepiness, then at about 55 minutes in, Eli realizes the word "LIE" is actually meant to show the numbers 3-1-7.
During another window chat with Haley, Eli tells her about his theory that the ghosts are writing a number, and Haley suggests it might be a secret code. It seems VERY SUSPICIOUS that she jumped to that conclusion.
OK, did Haley hear my thought?:
I was thinking it, but Eli straight-up asked:
Haley's response:
Eli uses the code to get into Dr. Horn's office and finds files about a kid named Perry who was there before him. As you can see from the photos below, Perry didn't survive Treatment 3, which Eli has coming up next.
Eli's parents, Rose and Paul, have a falling out over his medical care. Rose was under the impression that the treatment was safe, but Paul reveals that there's a chance Eli won't survive it — so Rose prepares to leave with Eli.
Eli tries to bring his parents to the files he discovered, but they've been hidden. Eli insists that Dr. Horn is sketchy but his dad isn't really listening, so Eli runs off.
Eli finds a picture of Dr. Horn and her "medical assistants" dressed as nuns.
Eli wanders into an underground passage, and when his parents and the medical staff find him, they lock him in there.
Rose goes to check on Eli. He pretends to be unconscious, but when she opens the door for a closer look, he hits her in the head and escapes.
HERE'S WHERE STUFF GETS WEIRD AND PLOTS GET TWISTY: Eli gets caught and they strap him in for Treatment 3.
Dr. Horn starts reciting all these biblical things, then she sprinkles some holy water on Eli and THAT SHIT SIZZLES LIKE A SLICE OF BUTTER ON A HOT PAN. So it turns out young Eli is evil (I think)!
Eli is going nuts. Lights are flickering, stuff is shaking, it's intense. Dr. Horn is about to stab him in the chest in the hopes of freeing his soul or whatever. BUT just before she does, Eli stops her with his mind. Yes, apparently he has powers. This is now an X-Men movie. Eli makes Dr. Horn stab herself in the chest.
BREAKING: Eli is definitely super evil. Confirmed. Look at those red eyes. He's an entire demon.
Eli picks Dr. Horn and her crew up, spinning them around the room with his powers. Then, he lights them all on fire, burning them to death.
Paul tries to stab Eli from behind but the little demon boy catches him and kills him by making his face implode, or something. I don't know, it's gross though.
Outside, Eli finds Max from Stranger Things — I mean, Haley from this movie, standing outside. She tells Eli he is a child of the devil and she is too, so they're siblings. She couldn't help set him free because she says their dad insists they earn their place. Ah, yes, Satan the stern father.
Eli's mother gets to live, and they have her drive them to see Satan. Aw, a fun movie about a family reuniting, you love to see it! And that's it, THE END.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
PREVIOUSLY WATCHED:
Eerie on Netflix
Secret Obsession on Netflix
Midsommar in theaters
Murder Mystery on Netflix
The Perfection on Netflix
The Wandering Earth on Netflix
The Silence on Netflix
Black Summer on Netflix
How It Ends on Netflix
Set It Up on Netflix
The Kissing Booth on Netflix
Veronica on Netflix
Dude on Netflix
Irreplaceable You on Netflix