Netflix Said 30 Million People Viewed "Murder Mystery," So I Watched And Here's How It Is
30 MILLION PEOPLE have watched — did you?
It happens to all of us. You open Netflix and a trailer for some featured movie or show starts playing on its own. So, you watch and usually you're like, "Yep, I've gotta see that," or "Nah, not for me."
However, sometimes it's not a clear "yes" or "no," and you can't decide if it's worth your time or not. That's what seems to be happening to folks with Netflix's Murder Mystery.
Since some people couldn't decide if they wanted to watch or not, I chose to sacrifice 97 minutes of my time to let y'all know what this movie is about and if it's worth your precious time.
🚨ADAM SANDLER AND JENNIFER ANISTON BREAKING NEWS ALERT🚨 30,869,863 accounts watched Murder Mystery in its first 3 days - the biggest opening weekend ever for a Netflix Film. 13,374,914 accounts in the US and Canada, and 17,494,949 more worldwide.
Now, Netflix says the movie has been watched by over 30 million accounts in its first three days, which is wildly impressive and gives me high hopes for it!
The movie stars two big names (Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler) and here's how Netflix describes it:
"On a long-awaited trip to Europe, a New York City cop and his hairdresser wife scramble to solve a baffling murder aboard a billionaire's yacht."
So Audrey (Jennifer Aniston) and Nick (Adam Sandler) are about to celebrate their 15th anniversary, and she's bummed that he still hasn't given her the Europe trip he promised on their wedding day.
Nick is a cop who failed his detective exam, but he’s lying to his wife and pretending that he passed.
These two are just too famous because my brain keeps being like, "Why is Jennifer Aniston calling Adam Sandler 'Nick?'"
Anyway, Audrey confronts Nick about never taking her on the European trip he'd promised her, so he lies and says he's actually got the trip planned and it was a surprise.
I'm not sure if this is intentional, but it feels like Audrey kind of hates Adam Sandl— I mean, Nick. It seems she's either having to talk to him like a child (whenever he's being ridiculous) or annoyed with his existence (like when he falls asleep and loudly snores).
During the flight, Audrey wanders to a first-class bar where she meets some rich dude named Charles Cavendish.
Charles invites the couple onto his yacht once their flight lands. At first Nick is reluctant, but then he agrees because that's the plot of this movie and Adam Sandler is following the script. I mean, because Nick realizes a yacht would be more fun than the bus trip he had planned.
The first 20 minutes of this movie feel like Allegra and Claritin went in halfsies on one big allergy medicine ad.
There's a dude with a fake hand on the yacht which is definitely a reference to Chubbs from the Adam Sandler classic, Happy Gilmore.
They quickly introduce some other characters on the yacht who are part of, or closely associated with, this wealthy family, and it feels like being rushed through a bunch of introductions to strangers at a party.
It's about 30 minutes in at this point, so I'm going to fire up the "Is this worth your time?" meter. Right now, we're tilting in the wrong direction.
This man below is Malcolm. He's very, very rich and is the source of this yacht group's funds. He's giving a speech to everyone when it suddenly turns into a roast — he calls them all leeches and tells them they've been written out of his will. Except for Suzi, who he is going to sign his will to.
Much respect to Suzi. She's said like two words thus far yet she's about to collect like three commas into her bank account.
Right before Malcolm signs his will over to Suzi, the lights go out and when they turn back on, Malcolm is dead with a knife in his chest.
Since Nick's a cop, he tells them to preserve the crime scene and instructs everyone to go chill until they return to land.
Audrey and Nick are chillin' in bed (as one does moments after being in the same room as a murder) when suddenly there's a gunshot.
Malcolm's son, Tobey, is the victim now.
The advertisements continue.
When they get back to land, an investigator questions everyone on the boat and they all point their suspicions to Audrey and Nick.
Nick and Audrey are now the prime suspects, so they try to prove their innocence (often resulting in them looking more guilty).
THIS IS ABSOLUTELY OUT OF CONTROL.
OUT.
OF.
CONTROL.
We're teetering, folks.
Here's a moment from the movie that made me chuckle, but STOP READING HERE IF YOU WANT TO WATCH FOR YOURSELF TO SEE WHO COMMITTED THE MURDERS.
There's some action, and the murders keep on happening, until eventually you find out it's this character below who is responsible.
You're not made super familiar with the character throughout the movie, so it's kind of anticlimactic, but she winds up getting shot in the shoulder and being arrested.
There are still like 18 minutes left when they catch the murderer, so you know there's more to it, and it turns out this character below was helping her with the murders.
Throughout the movie, they have SO MANY jokes involving this guy not speaking English. It felt so forced that I knew he was going to be part of a twist.
Anyway, there's a high-speed chase.
Then the other killer gets hit by a bus. Classic!
FINAL THOUGHTS:
Number one way to make this movie more entertaining: Drink every time an allergy medicine is referenced.
Allegra or Claritin: Zyrtec, baby!
Is it actually worth your time?: If you want to turn your brain off and watch something, go for it. If you have literally anything else you need to be doing, go do that instead.
Rating as an allergy medicine ad: 10/10.
Rating as a movie: 6/10.
PREVIOUSLY WATCHED:
The Perfection on Netflix
The Wandering Earth on Netflix
The Silence on Netflix
Black Summer on Netflix
How It Ends on Netflix
Set It Up on Netflix
The Kissing Booth on Netflix
Hell House LLC. on Amazon Prime
Veronica on Netflix
Dude on Netflix
Irreplaceable You on Netflix