It’s funny that you should mention my age. I admittedly lose track sometimes, because I’m a special kind of vampire that thrives on unwarranted irritation. Call me “Unwarranted Irritation Drac” if you like. Anyway, I’m at least a couple thousand years old. Lucky for me there’s no shortage of easily irritable people!

It’s OK. It happens. OP understands. OP is forgiving.  OP will take some cookies if you have any, though.

How do you know it’s not an elephant that looks exactly like a cupcake?

You’re my goddamned hero.

Thanks! Although I reread the captions to figure out what you were talking about (I’m funny? Really?) and caught a silly error I can’t fix without the magical powers of an editor. *shakes fist*

Boom chicka-chicka wow wow!

Boom chicka wow wow?

Vegetable is a culinary term and not a botanical one except in the broadest sense when it’s used as an adjective and is largely synonymous with plant or plant-related. So technically, all plant matter is vegetable, and anything considered a fruit botanically would technically be vegetable too. (My understanding is that this use of vegetable is archaic, and is a remnant of older taxonomic systems.)  The real confusion arises from fruit being both a culinary and a botanical term. When we use the term vegetable, we’re usually referring to plant matter that’s considered a vegetable in the culinary sense only. The reality is that we call many botanical fruits vegetables for the purpose of cooking. For example, eggplants, which are closely related to tomatoes, are a botanical fruit and a culinary vegetable. Tomatoes not being a culinary fruit isn’t at odds with them being a botanical fruit. Botanists don’t have a list of vegetables the same way cooks have a list of vegetables. Anyway, don’t worry. Tomatoes can be both without causing the universe to implode. :)

YOU CAN ALL RELAX THESE FLOWERS AREN’T AGGRESSIVE

I love Birds of Paradise.

OH MY GOD. This makes me so happy! <3

Ugh. I own up to misspelling “Edgar Allan Poe,” (which has since been fixed) but I did not misspell “Emily Dickinson” and I’m not sure why that was changed. I asked for another update. I honestly will never understand why people are so hostile about such minor things (I’m looking at you, FB commenters).

Yes, but give me some time to find a mantis-sized tuxedo.

I already knew you had good taste. <3

Thanks! I try.

Bird apologist.

I put some thought into this, actually. And I don’t work for BuzzFeed.