Do you like a good dirty joke, but feel awkward laughing when your dad tells one? Well, have no fear. We've got a long list of dirty dad jokes you can laugh at freely and without discomfort.
We put this together with help from the r/dadjokes subreddit, which is full of every dad joke you can think of good, bad, and ugly. It's entirely up to you to share them with your dad; just know he may turn into a menace with these in his arsenal.
And if you're looking for more dad jokes of the silly variety, you should check out our dumb dad jokes list; they're groan-worthy.
2. "My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially because his name’s Steve."
3. My wife asked me to spoon in bed, but I'd rather fork.
4. So a guy calls a swimming pool company and says, "I got a leak in my pool". The man that answered the phone says, “Well, go ahead.”
5. What do French people call the internet? Oui-fi.
6. "Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine."
7. "When two people have sex, its a twosome. When three people have sex, its a threesome. Now I know why people call you handsome."
8. "My in-laws are mimes. They do unspeakable things whenever they visit."
9. "I hate those people who knock on your door and say you need to get 'saved' or you'll 'burn.' Stupid firemen."
10. "My friend is obsessed with taking blurry pictures of himself while taking a shower. He has serious selfie steam issues."
11. "We just found out Grandpa is now addicted to Viagra. Nobody is taking it harder than Grandma."
12. I recently came into a bunch of money...which is strange for me, I usually just use a paper towel.
13. *Dad buying fake Christmas tree* Cashier: “Are you going to put it up yourself?” Dad: “Don’t be disgusting...I’m going to put it up in the living room.”
14. "My son is now at that age where he's curious about the human body. I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now."
15. "My wife is furious at our next door neighbor who sunbathes topless in her backyard. Personally, I’m on the fence."
16. "I've just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way."
17. What goes in hard and comes out soft? Gum!
18. "My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, 'How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?' He winked at me and said, 'I'm off duty in ten minutes — meet me in the car park.'"
19. Imagine a female pirate got a replacement boob. That'd suck, wooden tit?
20. What is the best way to cook toilet paper? Brown it on one side.
21. What's 6 inches long and has 2 nuts at the end? An Almond Joy!
22. "A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar. He came, he saw, he conquered."
23. "What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroganoff."
—Jeffrey Brandt, Facebook
24. What do you call it when a hotel mattress is ruined from too much vacation sex? Spring break.
25. "Why didn’t 1 get together with 3? They weren’t ready to try a three-sum."
26. "What has two butts and kills people? An assassin."
27. How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, "Ribbit, ribbit," and a horny toad says, "Rub it, rub it."
28. "It's okay if your phone autocorrects 'fuck' to 'duck.' You're still using fowl language."
29. "Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels."
30. "Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes...you need to let that mango."
31. "My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records, but the librarian told me to take it out."
32. "Know why you shouldn't go for a cheap circumcision? Because they're nothing but a rip off."
33. "What do you call someone who is a master at baiting? A skilled seaman."
34. "I bought shoes from a drug dealer once. I don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day."
35. "Did you hear that the proctologist’s long time girlfriend broke it off with him? It absolutely rectum."
36. "How does a Rock pee? Dwayne's his Johnson."
37. "Did you hear about the guy who dipped his testicles in glitter? Pretty nuts!"
38. "My girlfriend said she was going to get a colonic. Turns out she was full of shit."
39. "My stoner friend used my daily agenda notebook to roll up a joint. He is now high on my list of priorities."
40. What's the best thing about gardening? Getting down and dirty with your hoes!
41. "I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods. It's more difficult to deter gents, though."
42. "My boyfriend asked me 'Is cutting the crust off of bread like circumcision for a sandwich?' I said 'No, cutting off the crust doesn’t get rid of the cheese.'"
43. "I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: 'Don’t go in there! Don’t go in the church, you moron!' She was watching our wedding video again."
44. "My dad once tried making coffee. When he tasted it he said, 'Ahh, like making love in a canoe.' When I asked him if it was that good, his smile faded and he said, 'No, it's fucking close to water' and poured it out."
45. "What do you call Richard's selfie? A Dick pic."
46. "Wife to husband of 20 years: 'Am I really the only one you've ever been with?' Husband to wife: 'Absolutely! Before you, they were all nines and tens.'"
47. "I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during sex. She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon."
48. "Why is it so hard to argue with a woman who is not wearing a bra? She’s already made two great points."
49. "Why do chickens wear underwear on their head? Because their pecker is on their face."
50. "I had to go the doctor because I've been having lots of irregular bowel movements. They diagnosed me with all kinds of weird shit."
51. "I asked my wife 'So, do you think the cup is half full or half empty?' And you know what she said? 'Please for the love of God, could you stop wearing my bras!'"
52. "What do you call a horny cow? Beef jerkey."
53. A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"
—Andrew Ross Maxwell via Facebook
54. "I’m getting a divorce and my wife gets half my weed stash. At least we’ll have joint custody."
55. "Why did Piglet have his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh."
H/T: r/dadjokes/
Looking for more jokes and laughs to share with friends or family? Or just brushing up on your collection of jokes? Check out our other joke roundups, including knock knock jokes, corny jokes, and clean jokes. If you’re looking for adult or naughty jokes, you’ll definitely want to check out our best dirty jokes and funny jokes.