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    140 Corny Jokes That Might Make You Laugh A Whole Lot, If You Need That Right Now

    They're so bad, but also so, so good.

    We must be a funny farm...because we are cranking out corn-y jokes like there's no tomorrow! If you're looking for some other (we promise, way funnier) corny jokes to add to your repertoire, keep on scrolling. You'll never need to ask why 6 was afraid of 7 again.

    We asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the corniest joke they've ever heard (and then threw in a few more from Reddit for good measure). Here are the hilarious results.

    1. What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? An utter disaster!

    2. What do you call a fish that got pregnant by itself? Sturgeon mary.

    3. Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out!

    4. What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener!

    5. What did the traffic light say to the car? "Don't look, I'm about to change!"

    6. What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but their flag is a big plus!

    7. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.

    8. Why don't oysters donate to charity? Because they're shellfish!

    9. Relax, and be a good proton. Stay positive!

    10. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.

    11. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!

    12. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

    13. What do you call fake lettuce? A head of deceit.

    14. Why did the computer catch a cold? It left its Windows open.

    15. What's a vampire's favorite fruit? A blood orange.

    16. Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems.

    17. How do you organize a space party? You planet.

    18. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.

    19. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!

    20. How many wizards does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on what you want to change it into.

    21. What do you call 2 doctors? A pair-a-medics.

    u/PizzaPartyForever

    22. Did you hear the joke about the sidewalk? It's all over town.

    u/noppasta

    23. Why can't you take a test at the zoo? There are too many cheetahs.

    u/anonymous

    24. What do you call a nose without a body? No body nose

    u/witofatwit

    25. Did you know milk is the fastest liquid ever? It's pasteurized before you even see it!

    Close up of a cow face

    26. A C, an Eb, and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve minors in here." C punches Eb and hisses, "I told you to act natural!"

    u/liimlsan

    27. What do you call a fish doctor? A sturgeon.

    u/ladymurderpussy

    28. A man walks into a bar and there is a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling. The man asks the bartender whats the deal with the meat and the bartender explains that if you jump and slap a piece of meat, you get to drink free for the night, but if you miss, the man must buy drinks for everyone in the bar. The man responds, "Nah, the steaks are too high."

    u/WabbitWow


    29. Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!

    u/albert_yonson

    30. When I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof... I was shocked.

    u/sunnybebop

    31. What did the shoes say to the pants? "What's up britches?"

    u/alw42683

    32. Why aren't vampires ever invited to parties? They suck the life out of everyone.

    u/anonymous

    33. What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line.

    34. What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spectator.

    u/HandSum_McAweSum

    35. What did the corn say after stubbing his toe? Aw, shuck!

    u/letsconversate

    36. Why wouldn't the young crab share his toys? He was feeling shellfish.

    u/Br0laF

    37. A C, an Eb, and a G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve minors in here."

    u/liimlsan

    38. I went to a great wedding the other week. It was so emotional, even the cake was in tiers.

    u/SteveOtts

    39. Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.

    u/theflautist

    40. First rule of Thesaurus Club: You don't talk, converse, discuss, speak, chat, deliberate, confer, gab, gossip or natter about Thesaurus Club.

    41. A man took his date to a zoo. They were disappointed to find that it only contained one animal: a dog. It was a shitzu.

    u/uglyhag

    42. What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves!

    u/tikitessie

    43. What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.

    Christian Bale

    44. I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

    u/theflautist

    45. Did you hear about the cow that got lost in the mountains? The steaks have never been higher.

    u/Lexiclown

    46. What is Harper Lee's favorite drink? Tequila Mockingbird!

    u/theaussiesamurai

    47. Why do scuba divers always fall backward out of the boat? If they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.

    48. I've got a joke about a tortilla but I think it might be a little too corny.

    u/albert_yonson

    49. Why don't they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!

    Too many cheetahs!

    50. What did the shy pebble say? I wish I was a little boulder.

    u/maumeeriverrat

    51. Did you hear about the kidnapping down the street? His mom woke him up.

    u/anonymous

    52. What did the fish say when he ran into a wall in the river? Dam!

    u/bnrshrnkr

    53. Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.

    It got stuck in a crack

    54. I saved up money for months to buy a limited-edition thesaurus. But when I opened it, all the pages were blank!

    I have no words to describe how angry I am.

    u/kiwibrandon

    55. I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."

    u/TheMothaFlippin

    56. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles!

    eisleychick

    57. Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

    So that when they return to port, then can Scandinavian.

    u/artisanpartisan

    58. Why do golfers wear two pairs of shorts? Just in case they get a hole in one!

    jacquelineriveraa2

    59. What do you call the Children of the Corn's father? "Pop" corn.

    "Pop" Corn

    60. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.

    aribelle13

    61. What did 0 say to 8? "Nice belt."

    u/devnodegree

    62. What do you call bees that produce milk? Boo-bees!

    alfonsodanielm 

    63. And why was the frog at the bus station? His car got toad.

    64. How does a squid go into battle? Well-armed.

    elizapep

    65. A slice of apple pie costs $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

    u/porichoygupto

    66. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired.

    Because it was too tired

    67. Why was the mermaid wearing seashells? She grew out of her b-shells.

    She grew out of her B-shells

    68. How does the man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.

    69. Why was the tomato embarrassed? Because it saw the salad dressing.

    melodylikeamemory

    70. What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

    Boo jeans.

    And if those are dirty, they just wear a paranormal trousers.

    u/HomieApathy

    71. Why did the picture go to jail? The picture was framed.

    72. What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A Roamin' Catholic.

    clairechampion24

    73. How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.

    He drank his coffee before it was cool

    74. What did the drummer name her twin daughters? Anna 1, Anna 2.

    75. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Just look for the fresh prints.

    chloekuri

    76. What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reali-tea.

    Reality

    77. Justice is a dish best served cold. Because if it was served warm, it would be justwater.

    u/Spider_Dimwit

    78. What do you call a group of singing sheep? A baaaaacapella group.

    skailyr

    79. What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing — it just waved!

    katiem4493674a4

    80. Why did the scarecrow get a raise? Because he was outstanding in his field.

    emilym4231f5994

    81. 6:30 is hands down the best time of day.

    u/jonpab2

    82. Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left!

    All of the fans left

    83. Why can't you use "beef" as a password? It's not stroganoff.

    rachels4188f1fb1

    84. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

    85. Why do elephants hide in cherry trees? Well have you ever found an elephant in a cherry tree?

    86. What do you call fake spaghetti? An im-pasta!

    miamonireed

    87. Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For drizzle.

    For drizzle

    88. What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her? Namaste.

    laurenr41bcf7c81

    89. What do you call Irish furniture? Patty O'Furniture.

    nataliecobb

    90. What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? A bagel!

    A bagel

    91. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's really heavy, the other's a little lighter.

    92. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at C.

    u/SisypheanBalls

    93. What do you call birds that stick together? Vel-crows.

    tylerftsdk

    94. Did you hear about the cheese factory in France that exploded? All that was left was de Brie.

    95. What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Smells like carrots.

    sarahroses41d04182e

    96. What do you do when you see a space man? Ya park man.

    97. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four doors, it'd be a chicken sedan.

    marisaelyse13

    98. What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.

    elizabeth9002

    99. Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side.

    100. What do you call a singing computer? Adele.

    101. I went to a wedding where two satellite dishes got married. The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was AMAZING.

    u/Storm-Shadow

    102. What's green, fuzzy, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table.

    103. What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.

    beccas4526d7fff

    104. What do you do if you see a fireman? Put it out, man.

    u/7in7

    105. Why did the old lady fall into the well? She didn't see that well.

    106. What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.

    kmirpuri2

    107. Who's bigger: Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's baby? Mr. Bigger's baby because he's just a little Bigger.

    108. What do we want? Low-flying airplanes! When do we want them? NeeeeeOOOooowwwww!

    u/MinnOwen

    109. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator

    An in-vest-igator

    110. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey.

    111. What do you call a group of unorganized cats? A cat-astrophe!

    A cat-astrophe

    112. What do you call a factory that sells good products? A satisfactory.

    kaylen6049

    113. I remember the last thing my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket. He said, "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

    114. Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi.

    godsguuurl777

    115. What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

    116. What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here... I'm gonna go on ahead.

    aprilrhea24

    117. Why do mice have such small balls? Because so few of them know how to dance.

    118. Why aren't koalas considered bears? Because they have too many koalifications!

    119. How do you think the unthinkable? With an itheberg.

    120. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.

    121. Why did the stoplight turn red? Because it was embarrassed to be changing in the middle of the street!

    u/stuffandjunkandyeah

    122. Where did George Washington keep his armies? In his sleevies.

    123. Why do melons have big weddings? Because they cantaloupe.

    Because they cantaloupe

    124. What's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty!

    g40647ba35

    125. Why do fish live in salt water?

    Because if they lived in pepper water, they would sneeze.

    u/maxterchief99

    126. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent.

    127. The doctor's chart said my blood was type-A, but that was a type-O.

    u/FuzzyJustin

    128. What's white and can't climb trees? A fridge.

    129. What did the duck say to the bartender? Put it on my bill.

    Put it on my bill

    130. A guy strikes up a conversation with a lumberjack that he meets in a bar.

    "How many trees do you think you've chopped down?" the guy asks.

    "Exactly 2,742," the lumberjack replies.

    "How do you know?"

    "Because every time I chop one down, I keep a log."

    u/TF79870

    131. Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke? Joke, joke, joooooooooooooke.

    u/chucklesnatas

    132. What happened when the red ship crashed into the blue ship? The entire crew was marooned.

    133. Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

    tracydriverm

    134. When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.

    135. What did one plate say to the other plate? "Lunch is on me!"

    ReneeBennett1813

    136. What's a pepper that won't leave you alone? Jalapeño business.

    Jalepeño business

    137. I met some chess players in a hotel lobby. They kept bragging about how good they were.

    It was chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

    u/porichoygupto

    138. I was eating at a restaurant when the waiter came to my table and said, "I see your glass is empty, would you like another one?"

    I said, "Why would I want two empty glasses?"

    u/madazzahatter

    139. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.

    140. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

    xanderxxphoenix

    This article contains content from Kayla Yandoli, Spencer Althouse, Andrew Ziegler, and Andy Golder. It was compiled by Laura Frustaci.