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    • skailyr

      The Naturals by Jennifer Lynn Barnes. That book series freaking saved my life. I was in a PHP 7 week program following a suicide attempt and was really, really low. My therapist wanted me to find one thing, one goal to strive for. I found these books one afternoon and decided to read them. It’s about this group of teenagers who work for the FBI and the main character is a profiler (think criminal minds for teens). I did not watch criminal minds and had never heard of this kind of work before. I spent weeks researching what kind of job a profiler has and different areas of the real FBI and fell in love with that job. I set a goal that I was going to live for, I told my therapist I was going to live because I was determined to be “the best damn profiler there is.” Here we are 3 years later, I’m in college pursuing a psychology degree to go into the FBI. All of this started from a book I read when I was at the lowest point in my life. If I could ever meet Jennifer Lynn Barnes I would give her the biggest hug and thank her for writing this book and in turn saving my life.

    • skailyr

      Would you rather!
      It’s on Netflix and I love it.
      Ok, I have several things on this movie. First, no it is not a gory “saw type” film. The cover makes it look like that but in reality the gore stays at a minimum. (Now that doesn’t mean you won’t be cringing at the thought of what’s happening to them) Second, oh my gosh y’all this film is so psychologically twisted and will have you stressing out for the characters. It will make you question what you would do if you were in that place. Honestly the characters are relatable and you will feel for them and you will cringe for them. Third, I won’t spoil anything but the ending dude. I literally couldn’t stop thinking about it for days! It’s on Netflix watch it! You won’t regret it!

    • skailyr

      It’s always changing. What may work for years can stop working at anytime. It’s a balance of figuring out which medicine works, and then how much is needed, would this medicine work if you took a bigger dosage, are you taking to much, and figuring out combinations, does this medicine with this medicine work together? Are there weird side effects? What if we lower this dosage and raise this one? It’s a balancing act. It’s tiring, but it saved my life and helps me go through each day and despite the side effects. Personally SSRI’s (a type of anti depressant) cause some really funky memory problems for me. My short term memory is a lot worse and I forget little details (like names of people or characters, words, etc.) all the time and it’s super frustrating. But I’d rather have these problems than my depression.

    • skailyr

      So, definitely darker, but there have been several deaths at Disney World, that are honestly pretty nightmare inducing. In 2004, Javier Cruz, was in costume as Goofy and about to join the daily parade (he wasn’t out in front of guests yet) when he was hit by a float and killed. Over a span of 3 months in 2009, 3 Disney stuntmen working on the Indiana Jones attraction. 1 hit his head during practice and died. The other 2 both fell to their deaths, one because a restraining cable malfunctioned and he fell 30 feet to his death. The other because a prop ladder broke and he fell 25 feet to his death. Then there were 2 guests who died in 2007, a 54 year old who passed out on Toy Story Mania in October and later died. As well as a 22 year old who passed out on Its a Small World on Christmas Day and later died. It was never specified what the cause of death was in either woman or how much time passed between them fainting on the ride and dying. Oh! And in 2003 a guest, Marcelo Torres, was killed after an accident on Big Thunder Railroad. The train hadn’t been maintained well and a car came derailed from the ride and struck Torres. He died from internal bleeding and blunt force trauma. Ten other people were injured in the accident. And these are just some of the deaths that have happened in Disney World since 2003!

    • skailyr

      Ok so I know this post already has a warning, but I feel I should add another. This is probably the scariest and MOST gruesome and disturbing murder I’ve ever read. The victim was a 5 year old girl and it makes me sick to read. So caution very disturbing, but that’s what this article asked for so…
      On Valentine’s Day in 1993, 5 year old Sara West and her 3 year old brother Seth were being babysat by 16 year old Billy Jo Shafer. Her parents left at 9:45 and when they came home Sara was gone. Shafer confessed to the crime a few hours later when her remains were found in 2 trash bags. At around midnight he woke he woke Sara up and took her to an upstairs room where he raped her, shot her in the head, made “satanic” cuts all over her body, and sliced her throat from ear to ear twice. After her death, Shafer drank her blood and sexually abused her body. He cut her open and ran his hands and arms inside of her body. He then put her remains in 2 trash bags and drove somewhere to dump them, he came back to the house and locked little Seth in a shed out back where his dad found him when he came home. When Shafer confessed to police he said the murder “was all done with a great feeling of euphoria” and that his only regret was that he “didn’t have time to do Seth.”  If that story doesn’t make you nauseous and make your skin crawl I don’t know what will.

    • skailyr

      Terry Peder Rasmussen. PLEASE look him up. Oh my gosh the guy died in prison in 2010, he was serving a sentence for murdering his girlfriend. BUT it wasn’t until a few weeks ago police were actually able to identify him. He had so many fake identities that no one knew anything accurate about him when he died, even though they had his DNA (and him) for over 10 years, they still had no idea who this guy was. 7 years after his death (this past January) they connected him to 2 cold cases from the 1980s, one of which the identities of the 4 bodies they’ve found have still not been identified!?!? Look this guy up! I swear everything about him and the cases he’s been connected to are so weird and complicated and twisted.

    • skailyr

      Imagine you’re in a cage with a bunch of lions and you’re absolutely terrified. All that you have is a chair and you have no idea what you’re supposed to do. All around the outside of the cage are lion tamers and they keep yelling at you and telling you what to do but you can’t do it. They’re mad at you because you won’t do what they’re telling you to do or you’re doing it wrong. You’re terrified and confused and you keep trying to tell them that, but they can’t understand why you’re scared because to them there’s nothing to be afraid of. So they get mad at you because you won’t do what they’re telling you too and you’re freaking out over something “stupid.” You’re trying to do what they’re telling you but it won’t work and you’re terrified and no one is helping you, in fact they’re making fun of you. Imagine that. It would suck and be terrifying and you’d probably freak out. That is what having social anxiety feels like. It’s hell.

    • skailyr

      Ok don’t laugh, but I was 14 and was OBSESSED with the Divergent series. I was in the middle of a volleyball tournament when I finished Allegiant and *SPOILER ALERT* when I got to the point where Tris dies, I started crying and then when Tobias found out and the rest of the book I was sobbing. Like ugly, snotty, sobbing. I bawled my eyes out. I had never cried in a book before but here was 14 year old me hobbling around (I was on crutches because of a broken ankle) clutching the book bawling. It was the first time in a book where a main character (like main. character.) had ever died and it broke my heart. And yes I cried about for 5 hours that afternoon and was in this unbelief state of grieving for the next week.

    • skailyr

      And don’t even get me started on “I’d Lie” that was my love ballad for the guy I had the hugest crush on in 8th and 9th grade. I moved when I was 15 found this song a month later and played it on repeat along with another song that never made it on an album “Come back, be here.” And gosh, I haven’t seen him since I was 16 when I ran into him for like 5 minutes while visiting my old state (I’m 18), but I swear I never got over that crush and seeing him on instagram still gives me butterflies. It also doesn’t help that I’ve never actually been on a date…

    • skailyr

      Whenever I’m having a bad day I stop take a breath and think of 5 things I love. Then I pick one of those 5 things and think of all the reasons I love it. It helps me to remember some good in my life. If it’s a person or my pet I also come up with reasons they love me. Focusing on something happy and good helps me fight the bad thoughts that are running through my head and keeps me reminded that I have something that makes this worth it. Whether it’s my mom who loves me no matter what and I call whenever or FRIENDS, which I can go home and watch in sweatpants. Forcing myself to think of good things in my life makes it easier to let the bad things go.

    • skailyr

      No Christianity has not “developed” an attractive explanation for suffering, because there isn’t one. Why? Because we don’t have all the answers. I honestly cannot tell you why there is suffering in the world. Why do disasters like Harvey happen? How come jerk faced liars like Joel Osteen get to sit high and mighty while others drown? Why did I have to watch my sister die a horrible painful long death? I don’t know. I don’t. Suffering is painful and there’s nothing in this world that can take it away. Christianity isn’t built on the promise that suffering will go away if you pray hard and believe in Jesus (despite what some rich pricks like Osteen might say). I don’t believe in Christianity because it means I won’t hurt and life will be easier. To be honest life is harder because of it. But Jesus didn’t come to fix our problems, he came and died so that our problems wouldn’t be the end of us. It won’t always be like this. Jesus came so that we can know that there is more than this life. It doesn’t stop the suffering but it does mean that suffering isn’t all there is. There is hope.

    • skailyr

      I’ve had trich for 6 years now and I pull from my scalp and pubic area (I wasn’t going to mention this because honestly it’s embarrassing but someone made a joke about this so I feel it’s necessary to let anyone struggling with it know they’re not alone.) For my scalp, I always wet the top of my head (or wherever I’m triggered to pull from) when I’m stuck pulling and before I go to bed. I can’t pull my hair when it’s wet and the cold water on my scalp is soothing and relaxing. I also love bubble wrap as a fidget toy. It’s not very subtle but it calms me down and keeps me from pulling. For pubic, it’s a lot harder because I use tweezers and have tried just getting rid of the tweezers before. That makes things worse. I end up in physical pain and agony from the frustration and stress and urge to pull out the hair but being unable to because I don’t have my tweezers. What’s honestly helped the most is setting a timer and using a really annoying ring tone, I put my phone across the room and when the timer goes off I have to get up and break the action to turn it off. Good luck to anyone struggling. It sucks. It’s hard. It feels overwhelming. But it’s not your fault and you’re not alone!

    • skailyr

      Tamara Samsonova, the “Granny Ripper” was a recent case from about 2 years ago. She is a 68 year old Russian woman who murdered and dismembered at least 11 people and ate some of them. She would boil the heads of her victims and kept a diary where she detailed how she murdered them and ate some of their body parts. She refuses to admit who all she killed but is suspected of murdering her mother, mother in law, husband, neighbors, and tenants of her apartment building. She has admitted to killing her friend Valentina Ulanova by drugging her salad with sleeping pills and using a hacksaw to dismember her while she was still alive. Apparently she murdered her after an argument over unwashed cups. She was caught by police after CCTV recorded her leaving her flat with the boiled head and hands of Ulanova in a saucepan. (See photo) During her arrest and trial she was smiling and blew a kiss to the video cameras.

    • skailyr

      I also was taught my favorite skill ever, TIPPs. It is an instant relaxation technique for anxiety and can help me prevent my panic attacks. So TIPPs is an acronym: T- tempature (hold an ice pack directly under your eyes or dip your face in a sink of water. This helps slow your heart rate)
      I- intense exercise (this is great for when your emotions are on a high and you need to release stress)
      P- paced Breathing (this is my favorite to use, breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 5, breathe out for 6)
      P- progressive muscle relaxation (tense a muscle for 10 secs and then release. Move from head to toe

    • skailyr

      So for me, this has helped SO much, but whenever I’m in a situation and I start thinking negatively or judgmentally or my emotions get the best of me, my therapist told me to mentally take a step back and observe the situation. Ask myself questions about what I’m feeling and why. I don’t have to have the answers to the questions and they can’t be self depreciating or judgmental. So like if I’m getting really upset about something or at someone, I stop and think: “what am I feeling? Why am I feeling like this? Is it helpful to feel this way? Is this situation not going the way I want it to? If I do *blank* is that going to help this? Do I have a reason to be mad at this person? Do I feel like this often? How could I react positively?” It has seriously helped me with my relationships and how to communicate with people!

    • skailyr

      The Glades. Typical good, entertaining detective show. I really liked this. Like really, really liked this show. I got attached to the characters, I had a ship (almost) become canon. And the storyline was great until it got cancelled. And it didn’t just get cancelled and it left you wanting more. No, no, no, that would’ve been too kind. No it literally ends with the main character bleeding to death on the floor of the new house he just bought his soon-to-be wife. Soon-to-be meaning she’s literally at the alter and he was running late to his wedding and it’s about to be happy ever after, except he gets shot and is dying and the episode ends and the show gets cancelled. Like we’ll never find out if he lives or dies? do they catch the potential killer? will he get to marry his fiancée? Does he get to tell her he bought her dream house for them? Who knows? Not us cuz it’s FREAKING CANCELLED AND OVER. There is nothing worse than this show’s ending.

    • skailyr

      Ok so this may not be the worst, but I was on a lake trip with my youth group and the lake we stay at doesn’t have any houses so everyone camps. My friend and sister and I were staying in a tent together. My friend and I had brought a can of pringles for the ride up and left them in our tent. I think the top was cracked open because when we came back a few hours later to go to bed, we changed and got in our sleeping bags and started feeling a little itchy. (Btw it was dark and we’re using flashlights to navigate everywhere and you could barely see anything.) I finally mentioned to her I was itchy and she said she was too, we were also randomly getting a sensation of what felt like Tiny needles. we got up and switched on all the flashlights and looked at ourselves. Our whole tent was covered with HUNDREDS to THOUSANDS of ants. All over our tent floor, tent walls, on our luggage, IN our luggage, in our sleeping bags, on us! And they were FIRE ants so we were being bitten by them. We screamed and tore out of our tent to find our leader. We slept in hammocks that night and woke up the next morning to find ourselves covered with red bumps. Our tent was still infested with ants and we ended up having to spray down our tent with ant killer and then got the fun task of shaking thousands of dead ants out of our clothes and sleeping bags. The ants had been drawn in by the pringles can. Worst night ever.?

    • skailyr

      There are 25-50 active serial killers in the US at any given moment. Most serial killers target prostitutes, druggies, and runaways, aka people who will disappear and not many questions will be asked. I mean people still haven’t caught the Zodiac and he’s one of the most infamous people and we have sketches of him, letters, and so much evidence. That makes me think that someone could be operating as a serial killer but if the FBI/police never connect the cases he or she will never be found or stopped. I live in Arkansas and there are currently 504 unsolved missing persons cases in recent years, it does make me wonder if some of the similar cases are connected….

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