Have you ever been at a party, in the middle of a conversation, when all of a sudden, there's an awkward silence? A silence so loud, you wish desperately that you had something to fill it with? What about a few... funny jokes?
So we went ahead and put together a list of totally hilarious, party-worthy jokes. With a couple of these in your back pocket, you'll never suffer from an uncomfortable silence again.
Looking for more jokes and laughs to share with friends or family? Or just brushing up on your collection of jokes? Check out our other joke roundups, including knock knock jokes, corny jokes, clean jokes and our infamous and hilarious dumb dad jokes. If you’re looking for adult or naughty jokes, you’ll definitely want to check out our best dirty jokes.
1. What's a ghost's favourite kind of store?.... A boooootique!
2. Did you hear about the corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.
3. Why don't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.
4. What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line.
5. What do you call a nosy pepper? One who's jalepeño business.
6. I've got a joke about a tortilla but I think it might be a little too corny.
7. How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.
8. Why don't eggs tell each other secrets? Because they might crack up!
9. What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!
10. What did one hat say to the other? "Stay here, I'm going on ahead!"
11. What did one plate say to another plate? "Tonight, dinners on me!"
12. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
13. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
14. What's a skeleton's least favorite room in the house? The living room.
15. Why did the computer go to therapy? It had too many bytes of emotional baggage.
16. Why don't oysters donate to charity? Because they're shellfish.
17. I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you."
18. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
19. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels!
20. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
21. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive!"
22. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
23. I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough, so I kneaded to find a new job.
24. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
25. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
26. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
27. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't peeling well!
28. Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it got mugged!
29. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
30. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite!
31. Why did the frog call his insurance company? He had a jump in his car!
32. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed!
33. What did one toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed!
34. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because it was already stuffed!
35. Why did the chicken go to the seance? To talk to the other side!
36. What did one wall say to the other? "I'll meet you at the corner!"
37. A guy walks up to the widow at her husband's funeral and says, "May I just say one word?" Sure, she replies. "Plethora." The widow responds, "Thanks. That means a lot."
38. What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador.
39. Why can't hedgehogs just share the hedge?
40. A Spanish-speaking magician told his audience he was going to vanish on the count of three. He counted, "Uno, dos..." and disappeared without a tres.
41. What did one nut say when it was chasing the other nut? I'm a cashew.
42. What do we want? "Airplane noises!" When do we want them? "Nyeow!"
43. I saw a nice stereo on Craigslist for $1. Seller says the volume is stuck on "high." I couldn’t turn it down.
44. Why do scuba divers jump backwards out of the boat?Because if they jumped forward, they’d still be in the boat.
45. What do you call a broken can opener? A can’t opener.
46. You can’t run through a camp site. You can only ran because it’s past tents.
47. Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? He got 12 months, they say his days are numbered.
48. Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two tired.
49. I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.
50. A man walked into his house and was delighted when he discovered that someone had stolen all of his lamps.
51. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints.
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53. Whiteboards are remarkable.
54. Remains to be seen if glass coffins become popular.
55. I, for one, like Roman numerals.
56. My lack of knowledge on Greek literature has always been my Achilles' elbow.
57. A joke becomes a dad joke when the punchline is apparent.
58. Anybody who believes in telekinesis raise my hand.
59. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
60. It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
61. There are two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
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63. Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
64. I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
65. What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
66. I discovered a substance that had no mass, and I was like "0MG!"
67. What do pampered cows produce? Spoiled milk.
68. I submitted ten puns to a pun contest hoping that one would win, but no pun in ten did.
69. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
70. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
71. You don't need a parachute to go skydiving — you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
72. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
73. People say I'm condescending. That means I talk down to others.
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75. What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
76. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
77. A magician was driving down the road and turned into a driveway.
78. Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks, “How do you drive this thing?”
79. Just went to an emotional wedding — even the cake was in tiers.
80. How long does it take to make butter? An echurnity!
81. Shout out to anyone wondering what the opposite of in is.
82. A nurse told me, "Sorry for the wait!" I replied, "It's alright, I'm patient."
83. Working in a mirror factory is something I could totally see myself doing.
84. Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.
85. Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells.
86. Parallel lines have so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
87. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey...but I turned myself around.
88. I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger…and then it hit me.
89. I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
90. I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
91. A limbo champion walks into a bar. They are disqualified.
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