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29 Dad Jokes That Are So Bad They're Actually Good

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl use the bathroom? Because the "p" is silent.

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We recently asked the members of BuzzFeed Community to share their favorite dad joke with us. The results were groan-tastic.

1. "What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y."

ABC

—Submitted by Shel Springer via Facebook

2. "My dad literally told me this one last week: 'Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.'"

Paramount

—Submitted by Laura Kathleen via Facebook

3. "A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, 'Sorry we don't serve food here.'"

ESPN

—Submitted by Trenton Taylor via Facebook

4. "Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton!'"

Fox

—Submitted by Sara Spicer via Facebook

5. "Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!"

NBC

—Submitted by Robert Jaberg via Facebook

6. "Me: 'Dad, make me a sandwich!' Dad: 'Poof, You’re a sandwich!'”

20th Century Fox

—Submitted by erikg12

7. "Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? 
Because he was a little horse!"

Paramount Pictures

—Submitted by dhoustonjr

8. "Me: 'Hey, I was thinking…
' My dad: 'I thought I smelled something burning.'"

ESPN

—Submitted by lalita357

9. "How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!"

Comedy Central

—Submitted by Ken Hull via Facebook

10. "Whenever we drive past a graveyard my dad says, 'Do you know why I can’t be buried there?' And we all say, 'Why not?' And he says, 'Because I’m not dead yet!'”

tumblr.com

—Submitted by katiel87

11. "Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted."

tumblr.com

—Submitted by Brett Rosenbach via Facebook

12. "I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off."

Dreamworks

—Submitted by AJ Dunleavy via Facebook

13. "How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it."

CNN

—Submitted via Facebook by Sean McCarroll

14. "When I went to choir practice — 
Dad: 'Don’t forget a bucket.' 
Me: 'Why?' 
Dad: 'To carry your tune.'"

ABC

—Submitted by sarahcoker

15. "Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks."

NBC

—Submitted by Kevin Kohr via Facebook

16. "We were getting fast food when the lady at the window said, 'Any condiments?' My dad responded, 'Compliments? You look very nice today!'”

Paramount Pictures

—Submitted by adultingishard

17. "A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, 'First offender?' She says, 'No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!'"

ABC

—Submitted by Andrew Ross Maxwell via Facebook

18. "Anytime I do something smart my dad says, 'Wow, you're a fart smella...I mean smart fella!'"

HBO

—Submitted by Brady Barnhart via Facebook

19. "I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!"

NBC

—Submitted by Crhannon37

20. "How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, 'Ribbit, ribbit' and a horny toad says, 'Rub it, rub it.'"

AMC

—Submitted by sjd2001

21. "On all of my medical forms growing up my dad wrote 'red' for my blood type. To this day no one knows my actual blood type."

New Line Cinema

—Submitted by Bowsandkurtzies

22. "What is Beethoven's favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na."

CBS

—Submitted by alexd46eac8320

23. "My dad’s name is Phil, and whenever I finish eating and say, 'Dad, I’m full,' he always replies, 'No, I’m full; you're Ruby.'"

BBC

— Submitted by ruby-jeanm

24. "5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions."

NBC

—Submitted by ryliea

25. "My dad got me with this one: 'Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.'”

26. "A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.'"

NBC

—Submitted by Brad Flaherty via Facebook

27. "Every time someone bends over my dad makes a farting noise. He’s done it for almost 60 years and I’m certain he has no intention of slowing down."

TBS

—Submitted by samanthaerink

28. "What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1"

BBC

—Submitted by Gina Gale via Facebook

29. "I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, 'You.'”

20th Century Fox

—Submitted by ansolle98

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