We recently asked the members of BuzzFeed Community to share their favorite dad joke with us. We added in more of our favorites from Reddit and Twitter, too — and the results were groan-tastic.
By the end of this post you'll be wearing socks with sandals and getting ready to fire up the grill. Let's get to it!
3. What’d the wall say to the other wall? Meet you at the corner.
4. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? It has great food but no atmosphere.
6. I decided to link all my wristwatches together and make a belt. It was a real waist of time.
7. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
8. I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. Turns out customers don't appreciate it when you go the extra mile.
13. I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, "You."
15. My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting, "Be positive," but it's hard without him.
16. The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said, "Happy...," and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said, "...40-second birthday." I was so proud.
17. I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?" I said, "That means it's pasture bedtime."
18. My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding...she got mad and said she's never playing Scrabble with me again.
19. I broke up with my girlfriend of five years because I found out she was a communist. I should have known — there were red flags everywhere.
20. What has five toes but isn't your foot? My foot.
21. I caught my son chewing on electrical cords, so I had to ground him. He’s doing better currently and now conducting himself properly.
22. How do you get a farm girl to marry you? First, a tractor.
23. I built a model of Mount Everest, and my son asked, "Is it to scale?" I replied, "No…it’s to look at."
24. I tried to organize a professional hide-and-seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.
25. I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing. He asked, "Can you describe the symptoms?" I replied, "Sure...they’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair."
26. I just saw 10 ants frantically running around my kitchen. I felt bad, so I built them a small house. Now I’m their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants.
28. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
29. I think the girl at the airline's check-in just threatened me. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Window or aisle?" I laughed in her face and replied, "Window or you’ll what?"
30. I usually don’t believe politicians...everything the Canadian prime minister says is Trudeau!
31. Humans are born with four kidneys. When they grow up, two of them become adult knees.
32. Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
34. Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree? They had a long conversation about bark.
35. "I took my 8-year-old to the office on Take Your Kid to Work Day. As we were walking around, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked her what was wrong. As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed, 'Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?!'"
36. Asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up. Guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.
37. Nothing’s better than being 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, or 97 years old. Those are the years you're in your prime.
40. eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
41. My wife kicked me out because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions. But don't worry, I'll be back.
42. I just saw my wife trip and fall while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes. I watched it all unfold.
43. My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, "What’s wrong?" She screamed, "These contractions are going to kill me!" "I am sorry, honey," I replied. "What is wrong?"
44. I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my trail mix.
45. I have a Russian friend who’s a sound engineer. And a Czech one too, and a Czech one too.
49. Why does an Irish chef only add 239 beans to his soup? [In a thick Irish brogue.] Because one more would be too farty!
50. Without a doubt, my favorite Robin Williams movie is Mrs. Fire.
53. I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, "Do you want to hear today’s special?" I said, "Yes, please," so he replied, "No problem, sir. Today is special."
54. Sex is like a card game. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
56. Archaeologists have uncovered a mummy in Egypt covered in nuts and chocolate. They believe it's Pharaoh Roche.
57. My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is. I replied back, "Sure, my door is always open."
58. Anytime I'm with a group of people where we have drinks served with straws, I'll pass out the straws one by one, and on the last one I say, "All right, that's the last straw!"
60. "The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society. They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge."
"I bet they are excited about flattening the curve, though."