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Jul 28, 2016

27 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Until You Groan

Me: "Dad, make me a sandwich!" Dad: "Poof, You’re a sandwich!"

We asked the BuzzFeed Community to share their best dad joke, and the results were pretty hilarious. Also hilarious? The dad jokes people left in the comments:

1. "My dad and I were checking out at the store when the checker asked him if he wanted paper or plastic. He responded, 'Either, I'm bisacktual.'"

NBC

—Rachel Gunther, Facebook

2. "My mom — after getting dressed to go out — asked my dad, 'How do I look?' He replied, 'With your eyes.'”

NBC

zoelc

3. "Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? It's because the cows weren't getting a square meal."

Universal

—Barry Hansen, Facebook

4. "When my dad emerged from a lengthy trip to the toilet I asked, 'Did you spray?' (as in did he spray the air freshener). His response? 'Nah, it was solid.'”

Comedy Central

5. "At a restaurant the waitress asked my husband if he'd like soup or salad. He responded, 'I don't want a SUPER salad, I want a regular salad.'"

Paramount

—Kristin D. Avalos, Facebook

6. "Whenever I ask my dad if he's all right he replies, ‘No, I’m half left.’"

NBC

adamjsd

7. "What did the horse say after it tripped? 'Help! I've fallen and I can't giddyup.'"

NBC

—Bob Kern, Facebook

8. "My friend's mom to his little sister: 'Ava, calm down! Do you have a squirrel in your pants or something?' My friend's dad: 'I had a squirrel in my pants once. He was searching for nuts.'"

TBS

—Graham Crawley, Facebook

9. "When I was a kid I fell down on the sidewalk and the first thing my dad said was, 'Is the sidewalk okay?'"

kuro-kokoro.deviantart.com

—Rae Kelly, Facebook

10. "What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroganoff."

NBC

—Jeffrey Brandt, Facebook

11. "Whenever we'd drive past a cemetery, my dad would say, 'You know how many people are dead in that cemetery? All of them!'"

NBC

—Rachel Hamilton Scott, Facebook

12. "My dad used to have to use a dictaphone at work. One day his boss asked him If he used his dictaphone, and my dad replied, 'No, I use my finger like everyone else!’"

13. "When my kids say, 'Can I ask you a question?' I reply, 'You just did.'"

ABC

—Jim Applebee, Facebook

14. "This old guy I knew would always say, 'You know what really burns my ass?' He'd then hold his hand at butt level and say, 'A fire about this high.'"

CBS

—Precilla Bragg, Facebook

15. "My dad always yells 'Hey!' while driving past hay. If someone asks him 'What?' he yells 'Hey!' again. It usually takes four or five "heys" before they catch on."

Paramount

—Rob McCann, Facebook

16. "Whenever a server says, 'Sorry about your wait,' I reply, 'Are you saying I'm fat?'"

Warner Bros

shaunv2

17. "Every time my mom makes cinnamon buns, my dad comes into the kitchen and says, 'Sticky buns? I get those in the summer!'”

ABC

featherkm

18. "How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles."

MTV

19. "My dad is Japanese and pulled this one out on election day: 'This is a hard day to be Japanese with a language barrier. I showed up at the polling place with my pants down because I thought it was erection day.'"

Columbia

—Lil Fujiu, Facebook

20. "Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents!"

MGM

—Mark Dunn, Facebook

21. "What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it's ground beef."

Thames Television

—Nicole Luder, Facebook

22. "My dad's last name is Fuller. Any time anyone says, 'Woo, I'm full!' he always responds, 'Well, I'm Fuller!'"

MTV

—Cheyenne Cookson, Facebook

23. "What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Elephino."

NBC

—John McGaharan, Facebook

24. "I'm only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don't know why."

Comedy Central

—Joel Gough, Facebook

25. Any time we drove past a cow pasture my dad would yell, 'LOOK! LOOK, LOOK, LOOK! That cow is OUT-STANDING in his field!'"

ESPN

26. "My dad saw an ambulance barreling down the street with its siren blaring, then said, 'They won't sell much ice cream driving that fast.'"

Buena Vista

—Warren Hicks, Facebook

27. My boyfriend and I were getting ready for our school gala when my boyfriend tried to sit down. My dad yelled, 'Don’t sit down! You might cut yourself!” My boyfriend said, 'What?' My dad then said, 'Cause you’re looking sharp!'”

New Line Cinema

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