3.Invite all your Illuminati friends to party using the secret signal.
4.Perfect your party dance moves with 15 seconds of pelvic thrusts followed by 15 seconds of absolutely anything.
5.If you choose to party with a monkey, you HAVE to be responsible for it.
Justin Bieber, former monkey owner, learned the hard way that if you party too hard with a monkey, you end up not only losing your monkey, but owing the German government $11,000. We've all been there.
6.Partying on a boat only sounds good in theory.
7.If you're looking for party jams and an evil sea witch stole your singing voice for seven years, you should steal it back and release an album.
Justin Timberlake's music recording hiatus was probably the fault of Ursula the sea witch. Regardless, if you want party music, you have to take charge and make it happen or you'll never truly rock it out or get wit' Prince Eric.
8.Make sure you find a good party outfit.
9.Don't waste valuable party time waiting for a donut-croissant hybrid.
Don't bother with cronuts. There's plenty of horse meat for everyone.
10.3D print your way to party fun (guns).
11.The NSA already knows about your party.
12.When it comes to party jams, there CAN actually be more than one "song of the summer."
2013 reaffirmed what partyers long suspected: No matter what Carly Rae Jepsen tells you, there can be more than one definitive party jam.
13.Make sure to invite high-profile babies.
You can't have a real party without babies. And if you're having a cool party (which should be everyone's goal) you gotta have famous babies like the royal baby, panda twin babies, and that other famous baby with the weird name.
14.Have a cool party alias.
15.Don't forget to stock up on Portuguese water dogs.
16.Use butt-related dance moves sparingly.
17.Make sure your party doesn't get shut down.
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