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    I Just Had These 52 Thoughts While Watching Episode 5 Of "The Falcon And The Winter Soldier" As A Casual Marvel Fan

    4. If you ever hear yourself saying, "I killed him because I had to," maybe take a second look in the mirror.

    Welcome to week five of my ~journey~ watching The Falcon and the Winter Soldier as a very uninformed Marvel movie fan.

    Marvel Studios / Via giphy.com

    I loved Thor: Ragnarok and I've never read a comic.

    Let's get into Episode 5, "Truth."

    1. Ooh, a train station lost to nature! I love it.

    Fake Captain America running in a train station where the tracks are covered in plants
    Marvel Studios

    2. In Fake Captain America's flashbacks to the murder he just committed, he sees himself doing it. His face would not be in his memory.

    3. Why would Fake Captain America carry the shield all this way while fleeing? Not only is it a dead giveaway if he's on the run, it's an unnecessary big thing to hold.

    4. If you ever hear yourself saying, "I killed him because I had to," maybe take a second look in the mirror.

    5. Fight City, population: these three dudes and a warehouse.

    6. Oh my god, saying, "I am Captain America" through gritted teeth while trying to kill someone is sooooooo weird. I hate the vibe it gives off.

    7. This intensity would be so uncomfortable to act.

    8. It seems like everyone is much more focused on the shield than on the loss of life. Everyone is obsessed with this shield.

    9. Hello, Anthony Mackie's friend! It's been a while.

    10. I feel like Anthony Mackie would not be allowed to take the shield. It's the murder weapon.

    11. I love how much Fake Captain America is justifying his actions to himself and rewriting history.

    12. Also, I know the murdered man was on the bad side, but he has not gotten any kind of justice. And neither has Lamar.

    13. WHAAAAAAAATTTTT!!!!!!! JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS???????

    14. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Yesssssssssss.

    15. Julia Louis-Dreyfus killing these jokes and rocking a bit of dark purple hair. I am thrilled.

    Julia Louis-Dreyfus talking to Fake Captain America
    Marvel Studios

    16. Oh my god, a blank business card is amazing. I think it's gonna end up not being blank, but still. Genius.

    17. Daniel Brühl is at the memorial for Sokovia? How did he get there?

    18. How did Sebastian Stan get there??? I really don't have a handle on the resources these folks have.

    19. How far in advance did Sebastian Stan plan that little "I'm gonna shoot you, oh no I'm not" moment?

    20. Yeah, Anthony Mackie's in Baltimore right now. I have to just get over all their traveling.

    21. He's giving Isaiah the shield. I don't like the idea of someone we don't know all that well getting such a big Marvel thing, but in this world, that's a very good thing to do.

    22. They lied to Isaiah and others about what was going in their bodies? Oh my god.

    23. Isaiah needs a movie. Jesus Christ.

    24. Can we replace all the Evil Hand People stuff with more discussion of the racism Black superheroes face and have faced?

    25. I feel like this is suddenly a new show about a family and a boat. I'm down for that show, but it's strange that it exists in the same episode as Julia Louis-Dreyfus playing a countess with some purple hair.

    26. Sebastian Stan is here! How was he right there at that moment? How did Anthony Mackie not see him before? It doesn't add up and I don't care! I love drama.

    27. Oh god, Anthony Mackie and Sebastian Stan are gonna build a boat together. That's too saccharine for me.

    28. Okay, I saw the joke of Sebastian Stan, who has a metal left arm, being right-handed in an ad while rewatching Love Island UK the other day and I laughed so hard. That is an amazing joke. It's maybe my second favorite thing in this whole show (behind the party with all the art).

    29. ♫ Building a boat montage, we're building a boat, Sarah and Sebastian Stan are into each other, and we're building a boat ♫

    30. Oh look, it's Heineken product placement o'clock.

    Anthony Mackie holding a Heineken on the boat
    Marvel Studios

    31. Wait I'm sorry, has this all been one day? This boat montage was just one day? LOL.

    32. I hate to be weird about a person I have never met, and I apologize for the objectification, but this is so at the forefront of my mind, I feel I must say it and then we can all move on: Sebastian Stan is overwhelmingly hot.

    33. Oh my god, Fake Captain America is lying to Lemar's parents about who killed their son in order to justify his actions in their eyes and his own. That's so good.

    34. This scene with Lamar's parents is so well done. I love it.

    35. Oh, hey Emily VanCamp! She's with all the art! I love the art!

    36. This country-esque score is the opposite of my taste. Play "Gimmie Love" by Carly Rae Jepsen.

    37. I don't really care about Anthony Mackie and Sebastian Stan's bonding, lol.

    38. ...But I kind of do a little bit? What's happening to me?

    39. Apparently Anthony Mackie is a trained therapist.

    40. I'm confused. This boat was such a daunting big deal, but then it took, like, a day to fix. Has it been more than a day? Am I wrong? It wouldn't be the first time.

    41. It's training montage tiiiiiiiiime. Play "Party for One" by Carly Rae Jepsen.

    42. He's really doing flips and everything. Fun stuff.

    43. That moment with Anthony Mackie's nephew touching the shield was very nice.

    44. I love how Karli Morgenthau and these two guys are opening a briefcase of weapons in a park.

    45. The Evil Hand People app I don't understand from Episode 1 is back! I understand it even less now. Looks like it's essentially just a way to send out an alert?

    Karli Morgenthau using the Evil Hand People app to see a lot of Evil Hand People around
    Marvel Studios

    46. One of these Evil Hand People walking like zombies is holding a cup of coffee. Maybe put it down, bud. Read the room.

    47. Imagine being a non–Evil Hand Person in this park. The terror.

    48. Anthony Mackie just fully interrupted Joaquin mid sentence!

    49. I wonder if the Evil Hand Person who's hacking into these government(?) computers is the same person who made the app.

    50. I have a feeling whatever's in the case Anthony Mackie just opened is going to mean very little to me.

    51. And we have our first post-credit scene! (I think.)

    52. Oh, Fake Captain America, honey, no. Don't think you can make your own equivalent shield.

    That's it for Episode 5! My main takeaway: It was really two episodes in one, but I'm okay with it. I'm looking forward to seeing what they do for the finale.

    Marvel Studios

    See you next week, parents who just don't understand.

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