9 Disney Movies That Would Be Much Better If They Were Set In Scotland

Frozen = An Average December Afternoon.

1. Aladdin would be called A Laddie.

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Laddie is a cheeky wee scamp from Dundee, who spends most of his time taking the piss out of commuters, charming the ladies, and stealing pehs and bridies from Clark's 24-hour bakery.

One day, Laddie falls in love with Senga, heir to the D.C. Thompson publishing empire. The sheer force of his desire causes the Desperate Dan statue in the town centre to come to life and grant him three wishes, but will Senga ever accept him?

2. Cinderella would be called Umber-ella.

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Ella is a poor, put upon Edinburgh-based MSP who dreams of one day going to the prestigious Perth Highland Ball. Sadly, she's kept cruelly busy working on dull Norwegian cod fishing quota legislation by her boss Nicola Sturgeon.

One day, she's visited by her hairy godfather Frankie Boyle, who takes her to the ball in a carriage made from a deep-fried haggis. She meets a handsome laird, but drops her Scottish Parliament-branded brolly in her rush to leave. Will they ever be reunited?

3. The Lion King would be called The Monarch of the Glen.

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Hamish, a young red deer stag, goes on the run after seeing his dad Wullie get killed by a herd of stampeding Heilan' coos. He runs away and teams up with a pair of freegan gulls who spend their evenings fishing uneaten sandwiches out of the bins behind Greggs, but eventually Hamish gets bored of the narrow range of fillings and returns home to batter his uncle and reclaim his ancestral glen.

4. Tangled would be called Scunnered.

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Rapunzel is kidnapped as a child by an auld wifey called Mother Gothel, because she heard that children's hair has rejuvenating properties on an episode of Lorraine. She keeps Rapunzel locked in the attic of her five-storey tenement in Edinburgh, but she eventually manages to escape by offering to bring the shopping up the stairs.

Outside, she meets a handsome Proclaimer who takes her to the rough but friendly Port O'Leith pub. Rapunzel charms the locals, gets them on side, and they all team up to hand Mother Gothel over to the polis, because you shouldnae kidnap weans.

5. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves would be called Peely Wally and the Seven Gay Dudes.

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Peely Wally is planning a trip to Maga with her squad and doesn't want to burn, but her evil stepmother won't let her buy sun cream. She runs away and ends up meeting seven gay guys, who apply fake tan so expertly you'd never know she was Scottish at all.

Her stepmother tracks her down and tricks her into drinking from a can of enchanted Irn-Bru. She falls asleep and misses her flight, but the guys cheer her up by taking her to get MWI in Gran Canaria instead.

6. Sleeping Beauty would be called Ah'm Away Fur A Kip.

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Aurora works at a Scottish Gas call centre in Fife. One day, she accidentally offends a caller who turns out to be an evil sorceress. She places a curse on Aurora, saying that she'll prick her finger on a jaggy thistle and die unless she's kissed by a prince.

Dismissing the caller as just another bampot, Aurora goes about her business. But sure enough, she pricks her finger and falls into a deep slumber. Luckily for her, Prince William is on his way back from a university reunion in St. Andrews and gives Aurora a snog. When she wakes up, she's immediately thumped by Kate Middleton.

7. The Little Mermaid would be called The Wee Merburd.

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Ariel is a curvy, sassy Aberdonian merburd. One day, she rescues a handsome North Sea oil platform worker called Eric and decides to find out what life is like on land. She visits a magical seal who gives her legs and an on-point ASOS dress, but steals her voice.

That isn't a problem for Ariel though, because she's an independent, outgoing merburd who doesn't fuck about. She just finds Eric, gets him drunk in Revolution, and enthusiastically snogs him in the back of the taxi on the way home. Job done.

8. Beauty and the Beast would be called Bonnie and the Bastart.

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A spoiled young Glasgow University student has a habit of saying things like "yah, so it's, like, literally a crime you can't get fresh quail's eggs in Peckhams." So a furious enchantress from Springburn turns him into a giant, one-legged city pigeon.

A decade later, a wee lass called Bonnie comes to the pigeon's nest to look for her dad, who the Bastart kidnapped on his way back from the off licence. Bonnie offers to take her dad's place as he's got tickets for an Old Firm match, gradually falls in love with the Bastart, and trains him not to be such an insufferable bawbag.

9. Frozen would be called An Average December Afternoon.

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One day, after an argument with her sister Elsa, Anna's powers are unleashed and freezing conditions blanket the country but no one notices because it's Scotland.