1. These dumplings don't want to hear another damn thing about the government shutdown.
2. This dumpling just CAN'T BELIEVE how well Brian Hoyer is playing in Cleveland.
3. These dumplings think iOS7 is a SHAM and the new ringtones SUCK.
4. These dumplings seriously need to know if Rihanna had already shot her "Pour It Up" video when she saw Miley twerk at the VMAs.
5. These dumplings think Twitter probably jumped the gun on their IPO.
6. These dumplings aren't really in a hurry to sign up for Obamacare.
7. These dumplings aren't mad about the violence in GTA V, they're just not that into video games.
8. These dumplings haven't left home/have been playing GTA V for six straight days.
9. This dumpling thinks Grumpy Cat is a depressing example of catsploitation, and kind of hates all memes.
10. These dumplings are annoyed in advance by this year's Halloween costumes.
11. These dumplings are certain Benedict Cumberbatch likes men more than women.
12. This dumpling will never eat a cronut, and is at peace with that.
13. These dumplings think it's kind of dumb that being a nerd is, like, cool now.
14. These dumplings are pretty sure Snapchat is a fad that won't last.
15. These dumplings are really starting to question the logic of run-off elections.
16. Yes, of course these dumplings want to know if George Clooney and Sandra Bullock make it back to Earth alive, but...
17. These dumplings have finally admitted to themselves that award shows are a joke.
18. These dumplings could have told you that running a drug-dealing website wasn't going to end well.
19. These dumplings think you should listen to "Baby, It's Cold Outside" if you think Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" is rapey.
20. These dumplings wishes the word "Thanksgivukkah" didn't exist.
21. These dumplings aren't about to let anyone dump them with a slow fade.
