21 Dad Jokes So Ridiculous, I'm Almost Mad At Myself For Laughing
There's some pun-derful stuff in here! *Sobs softly*.
Given the state of...everything...I think I speak for everyone when I say we could all use a sincerely delivered joke. Notice I didn't necessarily say a "good joke," just A joke. ANY JOKE, PLEASE.
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And this week, when Reddit user kaikid asked, "What’s your favorite joke that no one ever laughs at?" WHEW, BUDDY, did people deliver!
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Here are just a few of the dad-level jokes that have been slept on long enough, and 100% DESERVE your laughter:
1. "What do you call a Frenchman in sandals? Phillipe Floppe."
2. "Every time they bleep out someone’s last name on TV for anonymity, I say, 'OMG, I can’t believe his legal name is [insert first name, Insert any swear word]!' No one else finds it the least bit funny, but I laugh every single time."
3. "My favorite time on the clock is 6:30. Hands down."
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4. "That’s a pretty good ceiling. It’s not the best, but it’s up there!"
5. "Two whales are sitting in a bar. The first whale goes [insert obnoxious whale noises]. The second whale responds, 'Shut up, Frank. You're drunk.'"
6. "Why do you never see pigs hiding in trees? Because they're pretty good at it."
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7. "What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke?"
8. "Why does an Irish chef only add 239 beans to his soup? [In a thick Irish brogue.] Because one more would be too farty!"
9. "A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, 'Hey, what's with the paper towel?' The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!'"
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10. "When musicians perform onstage, the sound bounces around the room off of the walls. When a pigeon performs onstage, the sound does not bounce. This is because a coo sticks."
11. "What's green and smells like red paint? Green paint."
12. "If I have leftover food at a restaurant and the waiter asks, 'Do you want a box for that?' I always respond, 'I’m not much of a boxer, but I’ll wrestle you for it!' They never laugh."
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13. "How did the diamond find a girlfriend? Carbon dating."
14. "A personal favorite: 'I usually don’t believe politicians, but everything the Canadian prime minister says is Trudeau!'"
15. "Why can’t you 'run' through a campground? Because you can only 'ran,' since it’s past tents!"
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16. "Did you know that if a piano falls on you, your head will B-flat?"
17. "Whenever I encounter a large group of people, preferably complete strangers, I like to say, 'At this point you're probably all wondering why I called you here today...' No one ever laughs."
18. "What did Spock find in the toilet? The Captain's Log."
NBC
19. "What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have handlebars, except for the duck."
20. "What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!"
21. "Anytime I'm with a group of people where we have drinks served with straws, I'll pass out the straws one by one, and on the last one I say, 'All right, that's the last straw!'"
Now it's YOUR turn! What's your favorite joke to tell that never seems to get a chuckle? Share in the comments below!
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Some jokes have been edited for length and/or clarity. H/T: Reddit.