21 Dad Jokes So Ridiculous, I'm Almost Mad At Myself For Laughing

Here are just a few of the dad-level jokes that have been slept on long enough, and 100% DESERVE your laughter:

1. "What do you call a Frenchman in sandals? Phillipe Floppe."

—Not_Fission_Chips

2. "Every time they bleep out someone’s last name on TV for anonymity, I say, 'OMG, I can’t believe his legal name is [insert first name, Insert any swear word]!' No one else finds it the least bit funny, but I laugh every single time."

—memeorcry

3. "My favorite time on the clock is 6:30. Hands down."

—imabadassinmymind

4. "That’s a pretty good ceiling. It’s not the best, but it’s up there!"

—papahet1

5. "Two whales are sitting in a bar. The first whale goes [insert obnoxious whale noises]. The second whale responds, 'Shut up, Frank. You're drunk.'"

—sSommy

6. "Why do you never see pigs hiding in trees? Because they're pretty good at it."

—WatchTheBoom

7. "What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke?"

—mayor123asdf

8. "Why does an Irish chef only add 239 beans to his soup? [In a thick Irish brogue.] Because one more would be too farty!"

—pain_in_your_ass

9. "A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, 'Hey, what's with the paper towel?' The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!'"

—Tullstein

10. "When musicians perform onstage, the sound bounces around the room off of the walls. When a pigeon performs onstage, the sound does not bounce. This is because a coo sticks."

—slekrons

11. "What's green and smells like red paint? Green paint."

—Algum

12. "If I have leftover food at a restaurant and the waiter asks, 'Do you want a box for that?' I always respond, 'I’m not much of a boxer, but I’ll wrestle you for it!' They never laugh."

—Astuary-Queen

13. "How did the diamond find a girlfriend? Carbon dating."

—carisbrookecastle

14. "A personal favorite: 'I usually don’t believe politicians, but everything the Canadian prime minister says is Trudeau!'"

—Sabronis77

15. "Why can’t you 'run' through a campground? Because you can only 'ran,' since it’s past tents!"

—TooMuchNutInDog

16. "Did you know that if a piano falls on you, your head will B-flat?"

—Vadelmayer44

17. "Whenever I encounter a large group of people, preferably complete strangers, I like to say, 'At this point you're probably all wondering why I called you here today...' No one ever laughs."

—citizenpuppet

18. "What did Spock find in the toilet? The Captain's Log."

—Gritch

19. "What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have handlebars, except for the duck."

—civilesk

20. "What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!"

—Teswhaaat

21. "Anytime I'm with a group of people where we have drinks served with straws, I'll pass out the straws one by one, and on the last one I say, 'All right, that's the last straw!'"

—Klown1327