21 Dad Jokes So Ridiculous, I'm Almost Mad At Myself For Laughing
There's some pun-derful stuff in here! *Sobs softly*.
Given the state of...everything...I think I speak for everyone when I say we could all use a sincerely delivered joke. Notice I didn't necessarily say a "good joke," just A joke. ANY JOKE, PLEASE.
And this week, when Reddit user
kaikid asked, "What’s your favorite joke that no one ever laughs at?" WHEW, BUDDY, did people deliver!
Walt Disney Studios
Here are just a few of the dad-level jokes that have been slept on long enough, and 100% DESERVE your laughter:
"Every time they bleep out someone’s last name on TV for anonymity, I say, 'OMG, I can’t believe his legal name is [insert first name, Insert any swear word]!' No one else finds it the least bit funny, but I laugh every single time."
"That’s a pretty good ceiling. It’s not the best, but it’s up there!"
"Two whales are sitting in a bar. The first whale goes [insert obnoxious whale noises]. The second whale responds, 'Shut up, Frank. You're drunk.'"
"Why do you never see pigs hiding in trees? Because they're pretty good at it."
"What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke?"
"Why does an Irish chef only add 239 beans to his soup? [
In a thick Irish brogue.] Because one more would be too farty!"
"A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, 'Hey, what's with the paper towel?' The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!'"
"When musicians perform onstage, the sound bounces around the room off of the walls. When a pigeon performs onstage, the sound does not bounce. This is because a coo sticks."
"What's green and smells like red paint? Green paint."
"If I have leftover food at a restaurant and the waiter asks, 'Do you want a box for that?' I always respond, 'I’m not much of a boxer, but I’ll wrestle you for it!' They never laugh."
"A personal favorite: 'I usually don’t believe politicians, but everything the Canadian prime minister says is Trudeau!'"
"Why can’t you 'run' through a campground? Because you can only 'ran,' since it’s past tents!"
"Did you know that if a piano falls on you, your head will B-flat?"
"Whenever I encounter a large group of people, preferably complete strangers, I like to say, 'At this point you're probably all wondering why I called you here today...' No one ever laughs."
"What did Spock find in the toilet? The Captain's Log."
"What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have handlebars, except for the duck."
"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!"
"Anytime I'm with a group of people where we have drinks served with straws, I'll pass out the straws one by one, and on the last one I say, 'All right, that's the last straw!'"
Now it's YOUR turn! What's your favorite joke to tell that never seems to get a chuckle? Share in the comments below!
Some jokes have been edited for length and/or clarity. H/T: Reddit. BuzzFeed Daily
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