The New "Bachelorette" Cast Bios Are Here, And There's Sooooo Much To Unpack

    Some important terms used: "Belgian loafers," "Italian stallion," and "boy band manager."

    Syd Robinson
    by Syd Robinson

    BuzzFeed Staff

    As you *probably* know, we are MERE WEEKS away from the season premiere of The Bachelorette, aka the perfect thing to help me dissociate from my own silly little life!!!

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    At long last, Miss Clare Crawley will get to quarantine with 31 absolute beefcakes and, hopefully, find love. HUZZAH!

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    I should also mention that rumor has it the lovely Tayshia Adams might take over for Clare halfway through...but who knows?!

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    While pics of Clare/Tayshia's contestants have already been released — like, uh...several times now — we finally have access to the men's bios!!!

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    So without further ado, here are the 31 men vying for Clare's heart, and some ~highlights~ from their bios:

    1. AJ, a software salesman from California

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    Best part of his bio: "AJ learned how to make candles during quarantine," and "Don't take AJ to the zoo because he is terrified of tigers."

    2. Ben, an army ranger veteran from California

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    Best part of his bio: "Ben's favorite indulgence is an ice bath."

    ...???

    3. Bennett, a wealth management consultant from New York

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    Best part of his bio: Bennett enjoys "walking the High Line in his favorite Belgian loafers" and "hates golf."

    4. Blake Monar, a male grooming specialist from Arizona

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    Best part of his bio: Blake "owns and operates a cosmetic company" and "loves pancakes."

    5. Blake Moynes, a wildlife manager from Canada

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    Best part of his bio: His dream woman "has to have a goofy side and be okay with his self-described 'potty mouth,'" and "Blake Moynes loves the Ninja Turtles as much as the Ninja Turtles love pizza."

    6. Brandon, a real estate agent from Ohio

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    Best part of his bio: Brandon is an "Italian stallion" who "has a phobia of dancing."

    7. Brendan, a commercial roofer from Massachusetts

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    Best part of his bio: "Brendan's buddies from home call him 'BMoney,'" and "his signature look is a turtleneck."

    8. Chasen, an IT account executive from California

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    Best part of his bio: "Chasen once swam from San Francisco to Alcatraz wearing only a pink speedo."

    9. Chris, a landscape design salesman from Utah

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    Best part of his bio: "As a kid, Chris ran and operated a coffee shop on his parents' front lawn so he could buy himself an electric scooter."

    10. Dale, a former pro football wide receiver from South Dakota

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    Best part of his bio: "Dale is super competitive and his favorite game is Hungry Hungry Hippos."

    11. Demar, a spin cycling instructor from Arizona

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    Best part of his bio: "Demar's dream job is to be a DJ on the Las Vegas Strip," and he "writes poetry in his spare time, but wouldn't consider himself a poet by any means."

    12. Eazy, a sports marketing agent from California

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    Best part of his bio: "Eazy has seen every episode of Grey's Anatomy."

    13. Ed, a health care salesman from Florida

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    Best part of his bio: "Ed loves all-inclusive resorts."

    14. Garin, a professor of journalism from California

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    Best part of his bio: Garin teaches journalism at the University of Southern California and "spends his free time DJ-ing for a local concert series and loves to get the party started!"

    15. Ivan, an aeronautical engineer from Texas

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    Best part of his bio: "Ivan is a recovered Croc enthusiast."

    16. Jason, a former pro football lineman from Virginia

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    Best part of his bio: "Jason is the first guy on the dance floor when it's time for the Electric Slide."

    17. Jay, a fitness director from Florida

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    Best part of his bio: "Jay says growing up, he spent way too much of his allowance on clothes from Abercrombie & Fitch."

    18. Jeremy, a banker from Washington, DC

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    Best part of his bio: "At 40 years old, Jeremy is the oldest contestant ever to come on The Bachelorette," and "his favorite thing about Clare is that she talks to raccoons."

    19. Joe, an anesthesiologist from New York

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    Best part of his bio: Joe is "an accomplished anesthesiologist and COVID-19 survivor," and spent "most of 2020 fighting the coronavirus on the front lines in New York City."

    20. Jordan C., an account executive from New York

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    Best part of his bio: "Even if you offered him a million dollars, Jordan C. would not go swimming with sharks. Never. Gonna. Happen."

    21. Jordan M., a cyber security engineer from California

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    Best part of his bio: "Jordan M.'s favorite Sunday activity is cleaning," and he "loves writing poetry and competing in hacking competitions."

    22. Kenny, a boy band manager from Indiana

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    Best part of his bio: "Kenny hates cheese."

    23. Mike, a digital media adviser from Canada

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    Best part of his bio: "Mike is a proud, lifelong member of the Shania Twain fan club." Also, he "refuses to acknowledge that Season 8 of Game of Thrones ever aired."

    24. Page, a chef from Texas

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    Best part of his bio: "Page cannot relate to people who love football."

    25. Riley, an attorney from New York

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    Best part of his bio: "Riley knows all the lyrics to 'Call Me Maybe' and is a karaoke legend among his colleagues."

    26. Robby, an insurance broker from Florida

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    Best part of his bio: "Robby's move when he is into a woman is to walk up to her and casually say, 'Hey.'" Also, "Robby hates iced tea."

    27. Tyler C., a lawyer from West Virginia

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    Best part of his bio: "Tyler C. is a Matthew McConaughey stan."

    28. Tyler S., a music manager from Texas

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    Best part of his bio: Tyler S. says he is single because "it's hard to date while touring and he's not attracted to fangirls or groupies."

    29. Yosef, a medical device salesman from Alabama

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    Best part of his bio: "As a kid, Yosef loved his Velcro sneakers," and he "was once catfished on a dating app."

    30. Zac C., an addiction specialist from New Jersey

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    Best part of his bio: "Zac C. loves desserts, but if there is fruit on the plate, he's not eating it."

    31. And lastly, Zach J., a cleaning service owner from Utah

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    Best part of his bio: "Zach J. is obsessed with gum and Chapstick," and "once broke his nose walking into a glass door."

    Read their full bios here!!!!!!!