Skip To Content

    Why Beards Are More Magical Than Makeup

    Maybe it's growing out of his face. Maybe it's Maybelline.

    Beings of the planet Earth, strap yourselves in and get ready for a wild ride. I'm about to get all Aladdin on your ass and open up a whole new world.

    FOX

    You know that thing some guys say:

    Yeah, derr, that one.

    It's dumb as hell for a bunch of reasons.

    Why?

    Well, do you have a beard?

    Yes?

    Take a seat, my brethren.

    Beards are the ultimate form of makeup. Beards will totally transform your face. Beards contour and/or hide imperfections better than any makeup could.

    Beards are essentially the greatest form of makeup.

    Here's your proof:

    We'll start way back when with a lil' guy you may have heard of named Mr. Abraham Lincoln.

    This is what Abe Lincoln looked like beardless:

    Archive Photos / Getty Images

    Basic bitch.

    And here's what he looked like with a beard:

    Getty Images

    Check out those cheekbones, girl! You can tell he's totally feeling his look!

    Getty Images

    Now that you have your historical background of beards acting as makeup, let's look at some more recent examples.

    Jon Hamm beardless: Basically a puffy teen on his way to junior prom.

    Jason Merritt / Getty Images

    Jon Hamm with a beard: Basically my lumberjack fantasy.

    Pascal Le Segretain / Getty Images

    Donald Glover beardless: *Baby voice* What a cutie!

    Alberto E. Rodriguez / Getty Images

    Donald Glover with a beard: *Pervy old lady voice* Suddenly I'm weak.

    Jonathan Leibson / Getty Images

    Henry Cavill beardless: Superboy.

    Jerod Harris / Getty Images

    Henry Cavill with a beard: SuperMAN.

    Tim P. Whitby / Getty Images

    Dizammmn.

    Robert Pattinson beardless: Sad emo kid.

    Gareth Cattermole / Getty Images

    Robert Pattinson with a beard: Moody artist.

    Pascal Le Segretain / Getty Images

    Jamie Dornan beardless: Fifty shades of bland.

    Evan Agostini / Getty Images

    Jamie Dornan with a beard: Fifty shades of in my pants!*

    Jesse Grant / Getty Images

    *That didn't make sense.

    Idris Elba beardless: Hot.

    BBC

    Idris Elba with a beard: 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

    Stuart C. Wilson / Getty Images

    John Krasinski beardless: It just doesn't seem right.

    Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

    John Krasinski with a beard: Everything is right.

    Jason Merritt / Getty Images

    Jake Gyllenhaal beardless: Yikes.

    Jason Kempin / Getty Images

    Jake Gyllenhaal with a beard: OK, much better.

    Larry Busacca / Getty Images

    Nick Offerman without a beard: Errrr.

    Christopher Polk / Getty Images

    Nick Offerman with a beard: Unfffff.

    Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

    Louis C.K. beardless: Legit creepy.

    Louis C.K. with a beard: Way less creepy, like you wouldn't be freaked out if this guy asked you for directions late at night.

    Pascal Le Segretain / Getty Images

    In conclusion, from Abe Lincoln to Jon Hamm, the proof is IN THIS POST.

    Tumblr / Via giphy.com

    Beards do the same thing as makeup.

    End of story.