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    Why Beards Are More Magical Than Makeup

    Maybe it's growing out of his face. Maybe it's Maybelline.

    Beings of the planet Earth, strap yourselves in and get ready for a wild ride. I'm about to get all Aladdin on your ass and open up a whole new world.

    You know that thing some guys say:

    Yeah, derr, that one.

    It's dumb as hell for a bunch of reasons.


    Well, do you have a beard?


    Take a seat, my brethren.

    Beards are the ultimate form of makeup. Beards will totally transform your face. Beards contour and/or hide imperfections better than any makeup could.

    Beards are essentially the greatest form of makeup.

    Here's your proof:

    We'll start way back when with a lil' guy you may have heard of named Mr. Abraham Lincoln.

    This is what Abe Lincoln looked like beardless:

    Basic bitch.

    And here's what he looked like with a beard:

    Check out those cheekbones, girl! You can tell he's totally feeling his look!

    Now that you have your historical background of beards acting as makeup, let's look at some more recent examples.

    Jon Hamm beardless: Basically a puffy teen on his way to junior prom.

    Jon Hamm with a beard: Basically my lumberjack fantasy.

    Donald Glover beardless: *Baby voice* What a cutie!

    Donald Glover with a beard: *Pervy old lady voice* Suddenly I'm weak.

    Henry Cavill beardless: Superboy.

    Henry Cavill with a beard: SuperMAN.

    Robert Pattinson beardless: Sad emo kid.

    Robert Pattinson with a beard: Moody artist.

    Jamie Dornan beardless: Fifty shades of bland.

    Jamie Dornan with a beard: Fifty shades of in my pants!*

    Idris Elba beardless: Hot.

    Idris Elba with a beard: 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

    John Krasinski beardless: It just doesn't seem right.

    John Krasinski with a beard: Everything is right.

    Jake Gyllenhaal beardless: Yikes.

    Jake Gyllenhaal with a beard: OK, much better.

    Nick Offerman without a beard: Errrr.

    Nick Offerman with a beard: Unfffff.

    Louis C.K. beardless: Legit creepy.

    Louis C.K. with a beard: Way less creepy, like you wouldn't be freaked out if this guy asked you for directions late at night.

    In conclusion, from Abe Lincoln to Jon Hamm, the proof is IN THIS POST.

    Beards do the same thing as makeup.

    End of story.