1. "Please stop crying over stupid boys. THE END."
2. "To the precocious me at 13 who's probably watching the Sex and the City finale right now and crying his eyes out, I want you to know that Prince Charming will come sooner than you think. And you'll lose him sooner than you think. But that's OK. You can handle it. You need to know that everything you really need, you already have. And whatever you don't have will come to you when you're ready to receive it."
3. "Don't go to law school."
4. "Continue being a nerd and bookworm, don't worry about your looks, and trust your family more. I'd also tell myself to pursue writing more and to not be afraid of doing creative work."
5. "Don't believe Mom and Dad when you're told someone won't pay you to play on the internet all day."
6. "You'll think giving your crush a romantic note during lunch in front of everyone is a good idea: giiiiiirl."
7. "Don't worry about peer pressure or feeling like you're not cool enough, you beautiful little weirdo. Keep doing you."
8. "Trust me, flared low-rises and skinny jeans and high-waisted pants. Also, your parents turn out to be really cool. Break more rules."
9. "Burn that trucker cap. (Going to college after spending 14 years in uniform meant there were some...risks taken? Not all of them panned out.)"
10. "In a year you'll discover Janis Joplin and become a total hippie. People won't understand... Tell them to fuck off."
11. "Robbing banks is easier in your time than it is in mine. Follow your dreams."
12. "It's OK to start from zero in a new city where you know no one. Get used it, you'll be doing it over and over."
13. "You will end up being hungover by 11:00 p.m. after drinking during happy hour because you're old and can't hang. You'll never stop feeling uncool, grow out of your pop-punk phase, or stop collecting toys. Deal with it."
14. "It's going to get harder before it gets better, but you'll be a stronger person because of it. That dude you're seeing? I know you love him but drop him like a hot rock. It's not worth it. You're gonna adopt a dog whose going to chew up a roll of posters but he'll be the best friend you've ever had. Be there when it's time to put him down. It'll be the hardest thing you've ever done, but you won't regret it. Tell her you love her, otherwise you'll regret the things that never happened because you were too afraid. You have no idea how strong you can be. Take deep breaths and deal with it."
15. "Trust your gut. Stop second-guessing yourself. It will all work out exactly as it should. "
16. "You have no choice in growing old but you do have a choice in growing up!"