What I wouldn't do for some 3D Doritos right about now...
"Okay, now let's do a silly one!" —me after sex
"I’m at Sephora and the makeup artist asked this woman if she was allergic to anything and she said 'shrimp.'"
Let's 👏 see 👏 them 👏 aliens 👏!
Will your result make Mona Lisa smile?
*Se cuenta que es un anciano*
Only Weather Channel watchers are passing this quiz.
"I don't know who needs to hear this, but you have food at home."
"The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings and still isn’t as sensitive as a white man on the internet."
Basically, everything is 100 times more crowded than it looks on Instagram.
"I just wanna be shown off like a hospital bracelet on Snapchat."
"If the control room could turn off the mics..." —Chuck Todd
"The only flags allowed to fly are Pride [flags]."
Taylor Swift cambió muchísimo desde Taylor Swift.
"Gay culture is using humor at work to try and distract people from the fact you’re always late and don’t actually do anything useful."