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1. A festive confetti dildo so you can come multiple times before and after the clock strikes 12. Happy New Year, indeed.
2. A customer-fave wand vibrator that packs a serious punch despite its compact size — use one of its 20 settings on your partner when they're, ahem, in a bind.
3. An oral sex simulator that just might be better than the real thing — it has 10 tongues.
4. A pretty penguin clit vibrator with 11 different modes to drive you crazy, because they mate for life and your private parts aren't excluded.
5. A Satisfyer Pro 2, a truly touch-free clit stimulator with super-cool vacuum technology for an intense end to your ~private time~. Who needs oral when you have this, baby?
6. A purple vibrator with amazing G-spot stimulation and dual motors so you can see stars.
7. An oral sex stimulator, because it isn't just foreplay, you heathens, it's the main event. Multiple orgasms are just a vibration away!
8. A Fleshlight to jack into till the crows come home, because it's the magnum opus to penis owners everywhere.
9. A clitoral vibe with 10 different settings and five intensities so you can hum and moan all night, since you love variety.
10. A classic rabbit vibe with awesome g-spot stimulation to hop into your next three orgasms.
11. A fancy rabbit vibe with eight different speeds and sensations for that double orgasm you've been waiting for.
12. A discreet necklace vibe to wear at every event just in case you feel like getting a little frisky. We won't tell if you do.
13. A beginner's strap-on you and your partner can enjoy... together. It even has a flared base for a little backdoor action.
14. A dual vibe to surround their clit with the greatest vibrations man has ever known. Kind of like surround sound, but for sex.
15. A kinky handcuff and blindfold set for when you wanna get your 50 Shades of Grey on in real time.
16. A pack of the cutest tenga eggs to assist you in, well...beating your meat every which way.
17. A lipstick massager complete with multiple speed patterns you can absolutely take on vacation to make it even more ~relaxing~.
18. A "butterfly kiss" massager to gently but consistently press upon your sensitive bits until you say stop.
19. An anal plug set so you can start to stretch your bootyhole in all the right ways.
20. A hand dildo. You'd use your own, but it gets tired sometimes and this right here is sturdy silicone.
21. A fingertip vibrator you can fit in your pocket or purse just in case you're up for a little exhibitionist action, like Janet Jackson in "Any Time, Any Place."
22. A simple velvet touch vibe you can use for clitoral or vaginal stimulation. A jack of all trades and the master of your orgasm!
23. An array of sweet heart candy butt plugs so you can keep your butthole stretched until Valentine's Day.
24. A vibrating cock ring to keep your junk nice and alert while you're getting down in-between the sheets.
25. A gargantuan purple monster capable of giving you the multiple orgasms you've been waiting all year for.
26. A jelly anal starter dildo to slowly stretch your sphincter muscles in just the right way.
27. A strapless strap-on vibrator because there's no reason for you not to get it on with your partner while having a squirting O at the same damn time.
28. A double-sided dildo both you and your boo can ride together. Or use it by your lonesome, whatever!
29. A truly magical magic wand. Not only does it get the hard-to-reach kinks out of your back, but it will literally have you reaching a peak where tears come out of your eyes. It's THAT good, y'all.
30. A double-bulb prism glass plug, which can be used for fun in the back or the front.
31. A G-spot vibrator with a twist base for multiple speeds, to take you from 0 to 100 orgasms before you can say the word "squirt."
32. An egg-shaped toy with super quiet vibrations so you can buzz your way into ecstasy over and over again.
You to all these sex toys all 2019:
Reviews here have been edited for length and/or clarity.