I've Never Seen "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" So I Watched The Pilot And Finale And Nothing In Between
SHE'S READY TO SLAY.
Hi all, I'm Farrah! Since you're here, you probably know I've never seen an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I have, however, seen Twilight and, more recently, Vampire Diaries. So you could say I know a thing or two about vampires! Instead of watching all seven seasons, today I will be watching the pilot, the finale, and nothing in between.
Here are the only things I know about Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Her name is Buffy. She's a vampire slayer. And, at some point, there is a character named Angel. I also know this show is VERY much beloved by its fanbase. I'm not sure why I never got into it, but I'm excited to start now!
So, let's do it! Without further ado, here are my thoughts on the pilot and finale of Buffy without watching anything in between.
The teaser starts in a high school. I would just like to point out that the doors to most high schools stay unlocked all night, so breaking a window to get inside seems a bit dramatic. Also, these two people are sneaking into a high school to...make out? Romance is alive, I see.
HAHAHA I did not see this coming, but honestly the prosthetics aren't terrible!
OK! So, our story begins with Buffy having a nightmare only to wake up to a real nightmare: the first day of school. Also...why is her name Buffy? Is it a nickname for Buffilena or something?
Buffy draws attention at school for being ~the new girl.~ Everything about this is very cliché so far, but it was the '90s so I will let it slide.
Bless Xander for trying to make a great first impression, though.
LOL at Buffy forgetting her LITERAL stake. For some reason Xander is like, "This is a completely normal thing for a girl to do."
I'm sorry, is there a shoe shortage in Sunnydale???
Two girls were gossiping in the locker room and then a dead body fell out of the locker!!!!!! I FEEL BAD BUT I JUST LAUGHED OUT LOUD. Love these twists and turns.
XANDER — MY DUDE — YOU NEED TO CHILL.
Cordelia comes along to warn them there was a dead body found at school, but we learn that only gym is cancelled? Not the entire school day for an investigation???? UM, SURE.
The whole dead body thing sets off Buffy's vampy senses, so she runs off. Which, I just have to say, for someone wanting to blend in, she really is doing a terrible job of acting normal!!
She goes to the library, where the new librarian reveals he is her watcher and that she, in fact, is a chosen one. I'm pretty sure Buffy predates Harry Potter, but man were there a lot of chosen ones in the '90s!!!
I did not expect for that scene to end on Xander, who heard everything, but it made me laugh.
Library Man is very insistent that Buffy has to save their town and she's like, "Man, I'm just trying not to get expelled, OK?"
CUT TO: EVIL DEMON LAIR! Idk who these guys are, but they have to be The Bad Guys.
Buffy's getting ready to go out and ~mingle~ like a normal teen. Honestly, why didn't I have this *sick* comeback prepared when my mom asked me if there would be boys at a party?
Along the way she runs into a stalker. Is this Angel???
Anyway, at the party she runs into Willow, who is probably the most relatable teen on this show.
I keep calling this a party, but Cordelia referred to it as a club. It's set up more like a divey music venue. Anyway, Library Man is there and Buffy all but calls him a loser because he likes staying in and reading books. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT, BUFFY????
Buffy thinks she's sniffed out a vampire, but accidentally whips her weapon out on Cordelia. It's hard to believe they'll still be friends after this, but we'll see!!
OH LOOK, IT'S VAMPIRE GIRL FROM THE OPENING!!! BUFFY IS CHASING AFTER THE WRONG VAMPY!
OK, so we've cut back to the demon lair where Voldemort rises from the dead. SOME REAL HARRY POTTER VIBES IN HERE.
Meanwhile, Willow leaves the club with a guy who tells her he knows a shortcut THROUGH A GRAVEYARD. No reason to be concerned at all!!!!
Willow's man is a vampire who traps her in this tomb thing. I forget his name, but Tall Guy Who Hit On Cordelia was also tricked into going into the creepy tomb. They pick some real winners!
But then Buffy comes to save the day. Xander's like, "What the hell?" And she's like, "Calm down. I got this."
Xander escapes with his friends while Buffy attempts to take down Evil Lair Vampire, who brought Voldemort back from the dead.
Evil Lair Vampire recites a prophecy about evil rising up and taking over. I know I keep saying it, but so much of this feels like Harry Potter!
WOW. OK. THEY REALLY DID THAT. THEY ENDED A PILOT WITH A "TO BE CONTINUED!!!!"
Alright, here they are! My predictions on what I think will happen during the next seven seasons of Buffy.
- First, Buffy and the gang all survive the first vampire attack. The four of them go on to become close friends and fight evil together.
- The whole "harvest" thing will bring about all kinds of creepy, undead, and weird evil that Buffy will have to defeat.
- Buffy will be sad she didn't get to have a normal high school life, but she graduates all the same.
- Xander and Buffy become a thing for a hot second but eventually break up.
- Buffy doesn't go to college but instead stays in Sunnydale to fight evil.
- There's a character named Angel that comes in at some point, and I think him and Buffy hook up or something???
- In the end, Buffy eventually rids the world of evil and vampires.