As Someone Who Has Never Seen "Gossip Girl," I Watched The Pilot And Finale And Nothing In The Middle
I went from beginning to end and found out the truth about Gossip Girl.
Hi everyone! It's me, Farrah. Today, I am going to take you on a journey through the television series Gossip Girl, where I will only watch the pilot and the finale with absolutely nothing in between.
Before we get started, I think it is only fair you should know that I've read about five of these books when I was in middle school. In fact, it's the only book my mom ever "banned" me from reading because she saw a blurb on the back that compared it to Sex and the City. But we all know when a parent says you can't do something, you do it!!!
While I don't remember the plot 100%, here's what I remember the story being about. There are two girls, one blonde (Blair?) and one brunette (I forget her name) who used to be friends but aren't anymore. They're also VERY wealthy. They go to a private school. They have typical high school problems like trying to get into college, except it's a little different because, y'know, they are VERY wealthy. Oh, and it takes place in New York City.
So for better or worse, here are all my thoughts and feelings on the pilot of Gossip Girl and immediately after, the finale.
Welp, we're off to a strong start as I JUST NOW realized I've mixed up the names of the main characters. The blonde one is actually Serena, and she's ~mysteriously~ come back to NYC. Also, I forgot that Kristen Bell is the voice of Gossip Girl.
There's some family drama going on here, but most importantly we learn that Penn Badgley's character luuuurvs Serena. But she doesn't know he exists! Is it because he's not rich? Or (let's be honest) is it the haircut?
You can really tell these kids are all wealthy as hell because they had the COOLEST phones for 2007. I WOULD HAVE KILLED FOR THIS.
OK, this is Blair. We've just learned her boyfriend might leave her for Serena. The drama is already beginning!!!
I'm guessing Blair feels a tad bit threatened because she's trying to jump his bones when her parents are throwing a huge party in the other room.
Serena shows up. Blair's mother is on the other side of the door loudly announcing that she's here. Nate's like, "COMING!" but not in the way that Blair probably wants him to be coming heh heh heh...get it?
Now they're hugging? Wait, are they friends? Or is this pretend?
OK, this is the definition of a look that "shoots daggers," as they say, and cements the fact that Blair hates Serena.
And now we're ending the day with Dan getting caught up on his daily dose of Gossip Girl. Teens just want that tea!!!!
WHEW. We're about seven minutes in. This pilot has actually done a great job with pacing. There's a lot going on and a lot of characters, but I think I'm following. We now know that Serena came back because her brother attempted to end his life — but was she sent away for that reason?
Jesus, Serena's mom is the worst? Implying her daughter went to boarding school just to sleep around? I mean, maybe she has but why is she being so mean and shame-y???
Listen, I know Gossip Girl and You are two different books/shows with Penn Badgley as the common thread, but hear me out...what if THIS was Joe's origin story?
Ohhhh, did she sleep with Nate before she went to boarding school? DOES BLAIR KNOW? DRAMA!
Dan just caught the bus but — LOL — there's an ad for Smallville on it. Remember that show?! Wow, what a time.
I have a question...why are Chuck (that's what this guy's name is) and Nate on a bus with Dan? Shouldn't they have hired cars or a limo or something taking them to school since they're rich?
LOL popularity doesn't spare ANYONE from those awkward high school moments, does it?!
OH SNAP. BLAIR WENT THERE! RIGHT TO HER FACE! DENIED!
Blair's like, "I can't meet you tonight, sorry. I have plans." And Serena's like, "Oh, no, honey." But also, Serena seems to know the importance of honest communication!!!!
Love a throwback mention of MySpace!
All I'm saying is that this episode is really playing out like it's Joe from You's origin story. Hiding in clothes? Eavesdropping on everyone? HMMMMM.
Jenny invited Serena to the Kiss On The Lips party. I bet it's gonna cause some drama!!!!
Serena and Blair have met up to talk, and I've just learned that Serena didn't get SENT to boarding school. It was HER idea!!! Why!
It SEEMS like they've made up, but I still think there's something secret between Serena and Nate.
Chuck is really that guy who just speaks his mind, isn't he?
EW. I hate Chuck. He's skeevy and doesn't understand the word "no." Also, he's blackmailing Serena because he knows about the Nate thing.
But, gasp! NATE JUST TOLD BLAIR ABOUT THE SERENA THING!!!
Oh my god, Serena stormed out and dropped her phone and OF COURSE DAN FOUND IT. Just like Joe from You got ahold of Peach's phone. Are you all really unconvinced that this is NOT Joe's origin story????
Dan returned her phone, and through a lil meet-cute (or, uh, a remeet-cute?) moment, they're gonna go to a concert together so Serena can avoid the Kiss On The Lips party.
OK, I SWEAR I will stop with my Dan is Joe theory, but let me just present one last thing without comment:
So, we've finally arrived at the Kiss On The Lips party and Chuck is being predatory toward Jenny. YIKES.
Things are going very well for Dan and Serena, I see.
Jenny texts Dan about Chuck being all skeevy toward her, which means they're about to show up to the Kiss On The Lips party...UNINVITED. *GASP.*
Of course, Blair's bitch face jumps out again when she sees Serena at her party.
Chuck still doesn't understand the word "no," and Serena and Dan rescue Jenny. I thought Dan was going to push him off the roof and Gossip Girl would see everything and put it on the website, but that's not what ends up happening.
Jenny, Serena, and Dan all leave in a cab while Chuck and Blair glare at them from the front door. Drama!!!!
And finally, the pilot ends with Kristen Bell as Gossip Girl reminding them that they have school on Monday, which means...more drama!!!!
Honestly, the pilot does make me want to watch more of the series. But I'm still going to jump in and watch the finale. Before I do, here are my predictions for everything that happens during the rest of the seasons:
- Blair and Nate don't end up together because — OH BOY — that relationship is already toxic as fuck.
- I'm going to guess that Serena ends up with a character we haven't met yet, but she does go on to date Dan for a little bit because he's a Nice Guy.
- I feel like maybe I'm remembering this from the books, but don't Jenny and Eric have a thing for each other at some point?
- Serena gets hell from Blair at school, but somehow things get better between them — probably around the time Nate is out of her life.
- They all end up applying for Ivy League schools. Blair doesn't get into her top choice, but Serena does.
- Chuck keeps on getting away with being a skeevy asshole because he's popular and rich and nobody wants to admit that he's predatory.
- Dan stays in New York City for college.
- And finally...who is Gossip Girl? My guess is that it's Jenny, but maybe it's a character that hasn't been introduced.