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John Stamos Critiques 20 Vintage Photos Of Himself

Have mercy.

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John Stamos is known by most for playing Uncle Jessie on Full House, others for his enthusiastic endorsement of Dannon Oikos yogurt, and now for his new movie My Man Is A Loser. But above all, we know him for his amazing hair and his inability to age. John stopped by BuzzFeed's New York office to take a trip down memory lane and talk about some of his hair styles and outfit choices of the past. Here's what happened.

What can you tell us about this magazine cover?

John Stamos: Well, I think this was the early days and I remember we were so excited to get on Tiger Beat and Star magazines.

And then you know you had to have that sexy, smoldering thing.

Was it uncomfortable to hold the guitar that way?

JS: (laughs) No. I hold guitars better than I play them, I know that. I don't play very well. And, you know: Matt Dillon is much smaller than me! "There's John Stamos with a guitar and Matt Dillion in his armpit!" You don't have any naked pictures, do you?


JS: This is when the hair started to go bad. In the '80s, everybody had the mullet. What do they say, like, "something in the front and party in the back"?

Business in the front and party in the back.

JS: Business in the front and party in the back, yeah. It looks like a dead crow landed on my head. But everybody's hair was like that! I don't know. I was so innocent, like, I really was this dopey kid from Orange County. I didn't know how to do any of this stuff. ...CLEARLY.

JS: You always gotta show the package, that's the key. So you if you can get one leg up in any interview...


JS: And then there's, the, you know, getting a little older, the pubic hair has gone from here to up. I think this needs to be re-created.

What's really revealing is that I really only have about three face poses and still they haven't changed much.

JS: Now, to this day I still can't tell them apart. Sometimes I used to write "M" and "A" on their foreheads when they weren't looking... This is really a famous picture. I remember we were doing a photo shoot with the whole cast and the photographer — it was Annie Leibovitz — and she said, "John, why don't you take your shirt off, we'll get a blanket and you'll hold one of the twins." And that's where these came from. Couldn't do that nowadays...

Yeah, probably not.

JS: Yeah, "Come over here! Take your shirt off and hold twins!"


JS: Now, the silk tour jackets were really popular. And the Beach Boys were my favorite, you know. This was nice to have a Beach Boys tour jacket. I wish I still had this. Same face, though. You know, older, but, there's The Smile, The Smirk...

JS: See this would be The Smirk. And a suit.

Yeah, a good suit.

JS: It was? It is? These pants are a little high. What I've learned over the years is that you've gotta wear something classic so you don't get caught 20 years from now at the next BuzzFeed wearing pictures of a dumb outfit.


JS: Well how did I do that? I think if I tried that now I'd throw a testicle out. Wow. I haven't seen this.

Do you remember taking that photo?

JS: No! I don't remember yesterday taking pictures. No. I gotta put my glasses on. Now that I'm 72 years old I gotta put my glasses on.

Do you know where that is?

JS: This is my backyard! That's what I used to do in my backyard. Take the bongos out and do the splits on them. What am I thinking?

JS: That's a look! I don't know what "FR" stands for. I think this was for People magazine. I don't know. I needed better influences. I grew up like Rick Springfield or something. Why didn't I back then, like... did I just bash Rick Springfield?

No, I don't think so.

JS: Good.


JS: Oh this was a movie I did called Born to Ride and I played a military guy. Next.

JS: Oh this has come back to haunt me. That's the beauty of the internet now and BuzzFeed and Twitter and Facebook... People dig these pictures out and you're like, "Oh my god." But when I go to my mom's house, she has, like, every picture, every teen magazine that I've ever been in.

This...uh, I, uh, I...I don't get it. I used to just kind of go and the stylist would say, "Wear this! You look fabulous! You look like a sultan of something." (shakes head)

And what's this with the hand?

JS: Yeah, embarrassment. It's saying, "Don't look at me, I look like a gold statue. An award."


JS: Now see? This was from a... this was horrible. This was from...a...uh... I think it was from a poster shoot. It was back when everybody used to have posters, and I was like, 'I want a poster! I wanna be in a poster!" And this is what I got.

"Now here, John. Open your shirt. Hold the ball, no, not that ball..."

JS: Well. That looks like a live shot from concert somewhere and I was getting ready for a colonoscopy.


JS: This looks like Hawaii or something and I was trying to put on weight or something in that shirt. I look fat!

JS: The point is always important. If you can point in a picture... Sinatra used to point all the time. I have one great picture with Frank Sinatra and he's pointing. If you look at him, he's always pointing at somebody. So I thought, Oh I'll point at something and make a duck — this is the original duckface picture, I think.

Breaking news: John Stamos created duckface.

JS: I'm ahead of all these Miley Cyruses...the whole "Wrecking Ball" thing? I did that on Full House.


JS: Yeah. Look it up.


JS: Now back in these days you used to get free stuff if you wore their jersey or if you rode a bike. I think I got a free bike and then moments after this I fell and crashed. I've never seen any of these pictures!

What's with the bongos again?

JS: It's a metaphor for breasts. Aruba, Jamaica...

The face is kind of like, "Yeah I'm playing the bongos... WHO ARE YOU LOOKING AT?" "Yeah, SO WHAT! I'm a bongos player."


JS: This is the thumb hook, which is good. It sort of helps to bring the attention to, "Hey! Look at my package!" I remember that jacket, I loved that jacket I thought it was really cool and someone stole it. I don't wear crosses now because the Jewish people I need, so—

Don't worry, you've got us.

JS: I don't want to offend anybody. I'm on Tinder and Grindr. I don't discriminate. It doesn't matter to me. Whoever cares, that's where I'm at.

JS: Every time you have something between your legs in a photo is good. I don't remember this photo at all. Or maybe this was a movie I did called Never Too Young to Die. And the movie died...


JS: The high-top tennis shoe look with the pants tucked in. All this is just really: You gotta go classy and wear a nice suit, a nice shirt, don't wear tennis shoes with the suit, that will come back to haunt — hey, that's it?

That's it! Are you happy to have seen any of these photos?

JS: You do really forget. I don't have a very good memory, so it's good because I don't remember bad things. If E! True Hollywood Story would come on [about me] I'd watch it to see like, Oh that's when that happened, that's when I married her...divorced... But it's fun. You know how people can remember every little thing from high school or junior high school? I can't. But I think it helps me stay young because I'm like, "I havent done anything yet!"

So is that the secret to looking young? Not remembering your past?

JS: That's part of it.

It's like you're reborn every day.

JS: Exactly! Like Benjamin Button or Groundhog Day, that's what I'm living. No, it's the yogurt. I put it on my face, my hair...

My Man Is a Loser is out in theaters nationwide today. Find out more about the movie here!