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1. A crossbody bag for keeping all of your must-haves organized and safe. You don't need your spouse to hold your purse when your spouse IS your purse.
2. A one-piece halter bathing suit perfect for that tropical honeymoon you have planned with your betrothed: the suit itself.
3. A Chom Chom pet hair roller so your couch can return to its natural, sittable state. I can't help but suggest you think about spending the rest of your life with someone who makes your most loathed chore 1000x easier.
4. A set of packing cubes to keep all of your clothing neat and separated into categories during long trips with honestly no effort. We cannot help but stan a tidy travel partner.
5. A six-pack of transparent floral socks that will put a stylish finishing touch on all of your outfits. Flowers are a nice gesture, but floral socks? A whole new level.
6. Kiehl's Lip Balm #1 formulated with squalane, aloe vera, and vitamin E to keep your lips silky smooth and über kissable, just in case you and the balm become a little more than friends.
7. Slouchy cotton overalls that will capture your heart as soon as you put them on. With adjustable tie straps *wipes tear* it's like you were made for each other.
8. A large cotton waffle weave blanket so you can stay cool but covered while sleeping every summer. Thank goodness you didn't end up with a hot sleeper, amirite?
9. An Amazon Fire Stick that lets you watch almost anything you want whenever you want — the most important quality in a potential husband or wife, imho.
10. A ruched T-shirt dress you'll want to wear every day — in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer.
11. A Lifestraw personal water filter that allows you to safely drink from any water source. Your mom always wanted you to end up with someone helpful and rugged.
12. A compact reading light with adjustable brightness levels to ensure you have the perfect time reading in bed. Awww you guys have a shared nighttime routine!
13. A Madewell classic white tee that will singlehandedly get you through the summer heat. Hard to turn down anything serving such irresistible James Dean vibes.
14. MAC Dazzleglass to give your lips a nice pop of color and a heathy dose of shine to boot. Your party +1 for life.
15. An adjustable memory foam travel pillow that twists to become the perfect shape for wherever you need to rest. Everyone knows that a great life partner is adaptable, and by gum, this pillow is as adaptable as it gets.
16. A cooler light so you can always grab just what you want during your camping trips and outdoor hangs without having to root around blindly through the ice. Aw, thanks for grabbing me a beer sweetie, you shouldn't have.
17. Ticket to Ride — a board game so fun you'll want to spend every waking moment playing right after you first get it. The honeymoon period is real.
18. A Hairgurt conditioning mask that will make your hair super smooth with just a ~dollop~. You'll never want to shower without this sweetheart ever again. Way to keep the spark alive.
19. A critter catcher to catch and release bugs without harming them *and* without getting too close. It'd be so nice if you didn't need a brush on a stick as an S.O. to catch bugs for you but bugs are creepy, there I said it.
20. A pair of Fit Flop slides for keeping your feet comfy as possible and still looking hella cool. A plush life with your ~sole~mate is all you could ever ask for.
21. Reusable makeup remover pads you'll want to go steady with after being enchanted by their eco-friendly yet effective ways.
22. A Nalgene bottle who helps support your self care by keeping you hydrated. Just make sure you help support their self care by bringing them along to yoga with you, too.
23. Dansko sandals whose signature high-but-not-too-high, supportive arch gives your foot a veritable massage every time you walk. Thousands of tiny foot massages every day!? Your boo spoils you.
24. A Pilot fountain pen whose writing is so smooth and design is so chic that I personally would love to hold hands with it for the rest of my life. And oh, wow, it looks like the feeling is mutual!
25. A subscription to Billie — a razor company that sends fresh blades and shaving cream to you right when you need new ones. Remember when a game of MASH you played in 2002 predicted you'd marry someone named "Billie"? Welp, the time has come.
26. A New York Times crossword puzzle book to fill your idle hours with mind-strengthening fun. Nothing cuter than doing crossword puzzles with bae on Sunday mornings.
27. An adult swaddle — yes, you heard me right. A giant swaddle that will snuggle you all night every night just the way you like.
You're all hereby invited to the fountain pen and I's wedding! There's gonna be donuts instead of cake, it'll be a HOOT!
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